Rock Steady

Thursday 1st December 2011

It was grocery shopping last night.  Sir increased the budget for me,  but  unfortunately I went over it. 

No excuses, I really just was not paying attention, I was ambling down the aisles thinking oh yes that would nice, this looks good, let's try this for a change.

I get to the check out and whoops.

It wasn’t over by much.

I got home and used all my feminine wiles.

But he didn’t bend.

Instead, yes you got it, it was me that bent…over the edge of the bed at bedtime.  He wouldn’t budge. 

It wasn’t a harsh spanking but enough to make me wiggle around a little.  He told me I had to pay more attention to what I was doing.  He doesn’t set the limit just for the sake of it, there is a reason.  I need to learn to budget and try harder.

Yes sir.

Wow.  I asked for immediate consequences and boy oh boy am I getting them.  He really is stepping up.  And it feels so comforting to know that if I fall, I can count on him. 

And today I got a speeding ticket and now i have to go home and tell him.  We don't have a rule about speeding tickets, its never been an issue until today, but I'm guessing he will class it as and overspend on the budget, an expenditure that wasn't discussed and agreed upon first.

Oh dear.

He is suddenly just so rock steady, strict and consistent and it's just so great.

I'm loving it.  I feel so protected, loved, secure and cherished. 

VERSATILE BLOGGER AWARD

Monday 28th November 2011
aka VBA

I'm so late in responding to this but better late than never.

Thank you to Kitty of Sweet Surrender and Sweet Girl at My Submissive Journey for nominating me for a VBA.

What an amazing honour – thank you.  I’m pretty speechless at being nominated.  And it takes a lot for me to be speechless J

So, as I understand, the rules of this award are to thank the person or people who nominated you (done).  Link their blogs.  Sorry Kitty and Sweet Girl I’m such a tech-no I have no idea how to do this.  But I have thanked you anyway ;)

List 7 things that you don’t know about me.  OH crickey dick OK here goes (this is the hard part).

1.         I’m not actually married to my hubby.  We are getting married, we are engaged but I just call him hubby as I figure I’m too old to have a “boyfriend” and I’m not gay and I don’t like the term partner.  But we do live together and are getting married in the next year or so.

(2)        I’m a spanko.  Oh yeah, you already knew that about me so that doesn’t count. HAHAHA

2.         OK, the real number two.  I have a weird sense of humour – see above. 

3.         I own 2 horses, 4 cats and 2 dogs oh and one frog that has taken up (temporary) residence in the swimming pool.  I’m a great animal lover.

4.         I am English but live in New Zealand.

5.         I love chocolate and wine

6.         I can't spell very well and would be lost without spell checker.           

7.         I’m Team Edward

There you go, 7 things I don’t think you knew about me but do now.  As for nominating 15 blogs for a VBA – that is a hard one – how can I nominate only 15 – can I break this rule (I seem to be have broken  a lot of rules last week so why end there)….

I really don’t like listing people and blogs, last time I did that I missed our Rogue and felt so bad about it.  Once again I apologise Rogue.

All in all, all the blogs I follow I love, I get so much from each and every one of them.  It’s just too hard to nominate only 15.  So I nominate all of them.  If you want to see full list of the blogs I follow check out my profile.  I should try and list them on my page as such but not sure how to do that – again the tech-no coming through here LOL.

The last rule is to notify all the people I have nominated – not quite sure how to do that either.

Anyway, I think that’s about it J

Superstition

OK, this is a complete vanilla post but I'm a very superstitious person and I noticed that my posts for November were 13 - SO i just had to add a 14th...

So I thought well although i don't celebrate thanksgiving I am still thankful and I thought I might share a few with you.

I'm thankful for my son who is the light of my life.  I waited a long time to have him and he is my soul.  I adore him and am so proud of him. Thank you.

I'm thankful to have my health.  There are so many people out there suffering with sickness or having loved ones suffer with illness disease and disability, I'm so very thankful that me, my friends and family are all relatively healthy. Thank you.

I'm thankful to be alive, to enjoy the sun and the moon and the stars, to face each and every challenge that life might throw at me, despite despairing sometimes in the middle of one that this one might just be the death of me, and then it never is.  I love the saying what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Thank you.

I'm thankful for all my friends, to support me, challenge me, laugh with me, cry with me. Thank you.

And you lot, here in blog land, I'm thankful to you all for your words of wisdom and advise for listening and sharing, thank you.

I'm thankful for my husband, for the time and effort he puts into me and into us and for just being him.  I simply love him, every ounce of him. Thank you.

Also, I need to reply to the VBA that i have been nominated for AND  I will do next week, its just been a hectic week for me and I need some time to think about how to respond to it....but it will come.

In the meantime I hope everyone has a great weekend

Catch you all next week

Love and hugs
kiwi xxx

Happy Thanksgiving

to all my American and Canadian friends.

Im not exactly sure when it is (being British) and its Thursday here and not sure what time it is in your part of the world.

But Happy Thanksgiving to you all, have fun and stay safe with friends family and loved ones.

The cell phone rule

Thursday 24th November 2011

I didn’t hear it ring….I swear I didn’t.

(Doesn’t help that the radio is up and im singing along as im driving to work)

But ring it must have done

8 times.

All unanswered

It rang for the 9^th time

And I answered it, finally.

“YOU!!” I got down the phone

“Where is your phone?  Don’t answer; I know exactly where it is.  It’s in the bottom of your handbag in the back of the car”

“Yes” I answer simply.

He then proceeds to lecture me sternly about the importance of this rule, the rule he just reminded me of, of having my cell phone handy at all times.  It could have been the police telling me he was on his way to hospital, or it could have been an emergency, or the kids needed me, or he needed me, or had broken down, anything.

I simply had no answer.  I blushed and apologized.

Consequently, I am to be reminded,  8 times and then some tonight, on how important it is I don’t break this rule.

My brick wall

Wednesday 23rd November 2011

I hit a brick wall yesterday. 

My brick wall in the shape of my husband. 

My husband who suddenly has decided he needs to keep me steady, safe and protected from myself and my spiraling bad behaviour.

I sometimes feel like that.  When the bad behaviour fairy strikes she sends me into a downward spiral that spins out of control until my brick wall suddenly appears and that large hand is held up that says STOP.  And I crash into it, sometimes painfully but always thankfully.

This has been me for the last two weeks, spiraling faster and faster.  I needed my husband to stop the spiral and he did yesterday, well he intended it to be yesterday and in a way it was yesterday but the full impact will be felt by me tonight, unfortunately, but on the other hand fortunately.

For two weeks running now, I have been disobedient.  Out and out disobedient.  Two blatant acts of it, completely doing what he told in no uncertain terms NOT to do.  I had my reasons and it wasn’t to brat or to test.  They were genuine reasons and I tossed and turned the reasons in my head, should I, I shouldn’t, but I need to, but he said not to, but I know better, it will be OK.  OK, Ill do it ... yes both times!

I knew he would be upset, but still I did it.  And when he found out he rang me at work, asked me why I did it when he had told me not to do it – I had no answer.  He said “I’ll see YOU later” and hung up.

This is not good, not a good sign at all. 

I got home.  After a slow drive.  He gave me the world’s biggest hug – and the longest nicest kiss, told me I was a spunky woman and that he loved me.  This made me smile and made my butterflies flutter for a very different reason than they were driving home.  But then he smiled and said

I’m going to paddle you tonight.

Be prepared, it will be long and it will be hard and it will hurt.

You disobeyed me and there will be consequences.

And then he went to finish cooking dinner.

Urggghhhhh I groan as I pick my chin up off the floor.

He later reminded me that from now on there are going to be consequences for my actions.  Whether it’s doing something I’m told not to or having a tantrum over a decision of his…

“The stomping of the feet will have painful consequences” I was told.

Then to top it off last night I was talking to my ex over an issue that still needs to be resolved and I accidentally called him darling.  I was very flustered.  He has the same name as my husband (unfortunately) and darling just slipped out because it’s now synonymous with my husband…..it’s the truth but he didn’t really buy it.  I was about to say his name when darling slipped out instead.

Arrgghhhhhhhhhhhh  I glasp my hands over my mouth in utter shock and disgust and horror at what I just said.

Oh Hell.  Please give me a knife so I can cut off my tongue.

I was so sorry and apologetic but he told me to go to bed .

What??!!  Urrrgghhh ok then.

I went to bed….and waited.

But the paddling didn’t happen. 

Sadly his cat passed away and so neither of us could face anything else for the rest of the evening.

We cried and consoled each other

And then this morning our beloved cat was buried in his favourite box with his dad’s shirt and some flowers.

He was old, and had lived a very good long life and was very well loved.  He was a beautiful cat and will be missed.

But then my rock, my brick wall, my big strong hand took me in his arms, kissed me, swatted my behind hard and told me that he had not forgotten, he still had to deal with me tonight, and that it was my responsiblity to remind him when the time comes... Thanks for that

My rock, my brick wall has pulled the brakes on my spiraling bad behaviour.  I’m content, I’m happy, I’m resigned to my fate and I’m willing to learn.

Replies to the comments on my last post :)

Wednesday 23rd November 2011

I was going to individually reply but everyone is pretty much saying the same thing, so I thought it would be easier if i simply put my replies into another post.

Thank you guys for all your support.

I think because my thoughts were pretty scrambled and jumbled it came across like that in my post.  Sorry guys. 

By the time I got to the end of my post  I had come to the same conclusions as you all have.  I was being unfair on Him and my expectations were really way too high.  In fact the only expectation I should have is that he steps up.  He did that.  I thought I was a submissive person, I'm finding that I'm not that submissive after all and its a hard task.  Its not all about just doing as I am told or running and fetching.  Its about allowing him to take control and lead US.   It might have been my idea in the first place but that's where it should stop.  Yes we always need to communicate with each other as to what is working and not working, that's a given.  But its certainly not about me setting scenarios in my head of how I THINK it should be and then getting upset or frustrated that it didn't go down the way i thought it should in my head.      Its not about that at all.  But that is how i have made it - but I will change that.  He knows what it is I need.  He is willing to do this, to try. So now I am going to step back, let go and give him room to take charge, lead us as a couple and as a family and submit to his decisions and show him that this works for US. 

Goal adjustments

Tuesday 22nd November 2011

Can I sack my HOH?

Is that allowed?

 

First, he had me believe that I was in for a serious punishment last night because I had not done my exercises.  Fair enough.  I was wrought with anxiety all day yesterday.  He even told me he had adjusted his fiberglass rod to something extremely usable. 

Then he tells me late in the day that I might get a reprieve because he was feeling a little sniffly.

Then I am overcome with guilty feelings for telling a little white lie so I confess all to him.

SO he tells me when I get in that I am so in for it later.  *Gulp* why oh why didn’t I keep my mouth shut?  Well mainly because "coming clean" feels so much better.  Yes, yes I know.

I thought that was a good time to bring up the subject of exercise and so  I try to re negotiate my exercises goals, from 3 times a week down to once a week for the time being until I’m used to doing them.  No way, he was not having a bar of that at all.  I just have to get my arse into gear he told me.  I did manage with a lot of eyelash batting and smiles and pretty pleases to get it down to twice a week for the time being.  But it will increase.  Yeaaahhhh, such a relief.

Anyway, later arrives and he shows me his new implement.  He has cut the darned fiberglass rod in half, taped one end together to make a handle and with tape in between the two rods so there is a slight gap in between the two “tails”.

Over the bed I went.  I got three strokes in total.  Not very hard, but hard enough to bring tears to the eyes.  Then when I got up he grabbed my arm turned me around and give me another one for good measure and then I was told to get into bed.

This is really great in the fact that he followed through.  But I have to admit that I was a little disappointed.  Well that’s the wrong word, I can’t think of the right word to describe how I felt.  Yes, he followed through and that was great, but it was far less than I was expecting.  I said something similar to him and he offered more – how very kind of him but  I graciously declined.  But I felt…well let down.  And this was increased this morning when I got up and did my exercises because I only did them for two reasons:

One, PK mentioned something in her comment that made me stop and think…if I didn’t do them then he would think its not working and would maybe stop.

Second, Sweet girl and I have a pact that we are going to meet our exercise goals each week

I didn’t do them because I was punished last night.  Because I don’t “feel” like I was punished.   I didn’t get a telling off as such, just told to “bend over and let me show you my new toy” kind of thing.

But then, just after I have finished my exercises this morning, we were having a slight disagreement over a bill (that granted should have been paid long ago and it wasn’t thanks to my carelessness) and I get pulled across his knee and a quick hand spanking and a spanking with a cork place mat – owwwie they hurt more than you would think!  So even though I still get up and do my exercise, I still get a spanking this morning.  But I didn’t get spanked because of the non payment of the bill – which maybe I should have done, but because I was arguing with him.  Dang, I just can’t seem to get it right some days.

And to go and make matters worse, I have deliberately disobeyed him this morning.  He told me not to pay it today, it can be paid later this week and he will do it.  But I did it this morning via Internet banking.  Smart thing Internet banking, I love it.  Smart thing me, nope may god have mercy on my soul.  But then again, he probably won’t follow through. 

I feel in a complete tangle today, if that makes any sense?  And all I wanted to do was submit to my punishment last night, that I had worked myself up about all day but resided myself to my fate and determined to stay in place and accept it, and then it happened kind of.  Then I get pulled across his knee this morning for something completely different and now an act of out and out disobedience.

Yep, a massive tangle of emotions.  Maybe I should email him and tell him.  But he won’t read it.  Maybe I should tell him how I am feeling but I’ll get my words in a muddle and it won’t come out right.

I love him so, and I so want this DD to work.  I feel that we are on the right track but just sometimes it doesn’t go quite how I thought it would, how I was expecting.  I think that is my problem to work on, to be more submissive.  To submit to whatever punishment or not he decides for each discretion.  That’s the hard part.  To submit to his decisions whatever they are, whenever, each and every time. 

So in summary

On the plus side:

1.   He made himself a new implement;

2.   He followed through and spanked me for not doing my exercises yesterday morning, there and then just like I wanted;

3.   He didn't put up with any nonsense this morning and once again spanked me for being argumentative, there and then, just like I have been asking for;

4.   He is thinking implements and wants more (I'm thinking this is a plus because he is thinking DD).
5.   My exercise goal has been re-adjsuted to something I feel I can achieve.

On the down side:

1.   He made himself a new implement from hell.

2.   I didn't feel punished after my spanking last night, because he didn't tell me off as such, he didn't give me a lecture, nothing.  I was just told to bend over and when he did spank me it was far less than I was expecting.

Maybe, as the ups outway the downs,  we are getting there slowly.  I have admitted to my act of disobedience.  I have emailed him and told him.  So now its up to him to decide if and how he wants to deal with me and for me to submit to that decision. 

One little bit of silver lining - at least the bill is paid. 

A reprieve - and some scrambled thoughts

Monday 21st November 2011

Well it seems I might be getting a reprieve tonight as he is not feeling so well.  He just told me about an hour ago.  All day fretting about this new implement that he told me at lunchtime he had adjusted to just what he needs and now he tells me I might get a reprieve.  My stomach is doing forward flips as well as backward ones now.

This  possible reprieve however has prompted some very guilty feelings (and Christina’s  latest post got me to thinking about being grounded).    The guilty feeling is over a little white lie I told him 2 weeks ago about exercise.  I told him I had done it when in actual fact I hadn’t.  I just wanted him to be pleased with me (without the hard work).  So now I feel really guilty.  But if I confess I'm, scared that him and everyone will that be me “trying” to get spanked?  I really don't want him to use this new implement.  I've had it once before and it really hurts.

Now, grounding.  We have not done this.  Not even talked about it.  I’ve thought about it.  Could grounding me work rather than all this spanking?  I don’t know.

I am going to the movies at the weekend with my girlfriend to see Breaking Dawn and I am so excited.  Now, if he were to ground me from going unless I did my exercise, that would motivate me no end methinks.  But would it only be effective if he thinks of that himself and imposes it.  Part of me wants to suggest it but then I think that wouldn’t be quite so effective or the right thing to do.  It’s just something I’ve thought of, not him.  I need it to come from him.  Talk about a vicious circle.  I wonder how I can get him to think of grounding as a punishment, without it coming from me so to speak.  But then again, the punishments are up to my HOH not me to decide are they not? 

Does anyone else apply grounding in their DD lifestyle as punishment?  Does it work for you?  Who suggested it?  You or your HOH? 

Anyway, back to exercise, one thing is clear from talking to my friend Sweet Girl, my exercise rule could be just a little unrealistic for now.  3x a week sounds reasonable but actually doing it for the first time in a year is probably a little O.T.T. 

So I will submit to my punishment (or not) tonight, because first deserve it for lying to him 2 weeks ago AND second for not exercising then or today,  but first, I need to talk to him about more realistic goals.  Perhaps starting out once a week is a more reasonable goal to expect me to achieve until I get used to it again, working up to maybe 3 + a week over the summer months.  I hope he can be reasonable. 

This can be a confusing lifestyle at times.  It can be so easy to get oneself into trouble without too much trying.  Arrgghhhh...... (yes, that's me pulling my hair out. I  should just exercise and be done with it instead of trying to wriggle out of exercise, lying about it and then trying to wriggle out of the deserved punishment.  It seems once we start digging a hole that hole just gets bigger). 

But then,  maybe, just maybe I'm pushing again....running while he is still walking.....could be.  I need to slow down again.  I just need to go with the flow.  Let's see what happens tonight.

I will let you know how it all goes.

Double Double Toil and Trouble

Monday 21st November 2011
Trouble is brewing in my house.

I had been such a good girl all last week.  I don’t know, ever since we talked about more immediate consequences for breaking our set rules, and his agreeing that he will be stricter and issue immediate consequences, I’ve been on my toes and on my best behaviour.  I think it’s the not knowing if when or where it might happen.  It’s good incentive to behave, I have to admit.

OK, I admit it, I behaved except for Wednesday last week when we had a slight disagreement over my attitude about something and I pulled one too many faces and so by bed time he had had enough and I found myself at the wrong end of the cane.

Owwwww

Well my bad girl angel was banished for a while and I was doing so well.  I really truly was your honour.

We had maintenance last night.  Owww….is maintenance meant to be that harsh???  OH yeah, that’s right I forgot – its maintenance and/or punishment if there was something in the book that he has not dealt with earlier in the week…..like for example 7 days worth of no exercise, one weekly weigh in which was not good, and one little incey wincey incident of disobedience, which in my humble opinion was hardly worth mentioning.  OK OK my opinion doesn’t really count by the time we get to weekly accountability, I know.

Urrgghhhh.  After a quick lecture in the living room and having to answer sir to everything I was taken to the bedroom and over the end of the bed I went, trousers and panties yanked (that’s right, literally yanked down around my ankles and over my feet)…..oh and my feet covered with material on wooden floors – is not good for traction and so I couldn’t move out of position!!!.  His hand held solidly on my back.  Gees, where has my laid back mellow husband gone?  Tears didn’t bother him either, he just gave me a pillow to cry into as he paddled and caned me for 7 days of no exercise and that one little incey wincey disobedient act. 

Owwwww. 

He asked if I was OK, rubbed my back for a minute or two and then left me to get dressed again.  I sure felt chastised.  I really did. 

When I returned to the living room we sat for a while and he said that he is going to step up the punishment for the exercise from now on.  He has this implement he is going to adjust and use instead of the cane.  It’s a piece of wire – fairly thick but very flexible and it hurts like something not right.    From now on if I don’t do my exercise he will use that on me until I get it into my head that it’s better for me to exercise.  And he is not going to wait until the end of the week anymore, I want immediate consequences, OK then I’ve got them.  If I don’t do my exercises that morning, that night I am to be punished with this “thing”.  It's for my own good I was told.  Exercise is good for me and he really wants me to be healthier and fitter and so if I don’t do it then the punishment is for my own good too!  I don’t like HOH logic!!!

Fast forward to this morning.  He left to start his day well before me and rang me to see if I had done my exercises, this was the conversation….very short, sweet and to the point!!!

“Errr….(just say yes, just say yes, just say yes) no baby sorry I didn’t.”

“Well no good being sorry now is it.  I told you yesterday what is going to happen so I guess you are in trouble tonight”

“Are you going to use that thing on me?”

“Sure am, make sure its out on the bed to remind me to adjust it.”

“Urrggghhhh”

*quiet evil laugh* “OH and baby if I forget, you have to remind me.”

*big sigh* Yes sir

Urrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  here's to hoping my day goes slowly.

Things are looking up.

Monday 14th November 2011

Over the weekend we had an unscheduled child free night.  It was great, always enjoy those little luxuries.  Not that I don’t love my kids and love having them around and being a family, it’s just nice to have a little break.

Well, hubby decided to make the most of the child free Saturday night.  It was time to go through my book.  Well half an hour later and a session with the cane and paddle, it was over with.  Not so bad as I hadn’t been such a bad girl this last week, exercise notwithstanding.  (Seems I have a major issue with exercise and not getting it done regardless of the consequences – he is going to have to be more imaginative methinks).

Anyway, when it was all over and done with I decided it was time for a talk.  Things need changing a little.  This two week accountability isn’t working so well for me.  I’ve been pondering my words and approach for the last couple of weeks.  I gathered all my courage, and I asked him if we could maybe talk a little about DD and make some changes.

He asked me what I had in mind.

Well, mainly that the two week thing wasn’t working, it’s OK for some stuff, weight-loss, exercise.  But I feel that I need more immediate consequences.

“OK” he said “You mean, when you do something wrong you want me to take you into the bedroom and spank you straight away”

“Well, I guess that pretty well sums it up babe, yes, but also I need more scolding, you don’t really talk enough about what it is I have done wrong”

“What about the kids.  When you do something wrong it always seems like it’s in the middle of the day and the kids are about”

Oh! OK! I hadn’t realized this. 

We then agreed that when I do something he considers a spankable offence, if privacy permits he will spank me there and then but if privacy is an issue we will wait until the next opportunity, whether it is later that evening or the next day.  BUT I have to remind him if it looks like he has forgotten.  I’m not so sure about that little technicality!

Then he warned me to watch out because now that he is allowed to spank me whenever he wants to he will.

Baby if only you had realized you have always been “allowed” to spank me “anytime”. 

WOW, what can I say?  Since this little talk he has gotten sterner with me in the tone of his voice when asking things, and giving his little directions.  He is stricter too, issuing warnings left right and centre and just reminding me that I have told him I want immediate consequences.  I have done my best to heed the warnings and done as I was told so far – so hence I have not had a punishment spanking yet (my bad girl angel is a little indisposed right now *evil chuckle* - yup she is out of the picture – not sure how long, slippery little bugger that she is she will be back I know.

I guess he just didn’t realize where the line was and therefore he was too cautious not to cross it. 

But now I feel kind of nervous.  Not knowing what to expect.  I know the rules of course, but I have found in the past that I tend to get into trouble when I least expect it… It’s great that he is stepping up and I feel very proud of him for stepping up.  He is an amazing man and I love him with my whole heart.  But, yeah, I have those nervous butterflies, just lightly fluttering a little.  It’s certainly going to keep me on my toes – which can only be a good thing.

Stepping up – together

Friday 11th November 2011

Wednesday -  an interesting day!

We had words over my ability to brush hair of all things.  Not serious words and I should really be careful arguing when he has a hairbrush near to hand, just sayin.

Anyway, like I said it wasn’t serious and it calmed down, but as we left home to start our days he asked if I could lock the door.  Hmmmmm my bad girl angel is really head strong and mouthy just lately (I’m going to have to do something with her) she butted in before my good girl angel could talk and made some sarcastic comment about not being able to brush hair but yes I could manage to lock the door thank you, in not a moron, thank you.

I really didn’t think he heard her. Oh I heard her alright, but I didn’t think He had.  But He did.  He came bounding back up the stairs and asked me what it was I said, pressing again me nose to nose kind of thing (or at least we would have been if I was foot taller )

Funny how that mouthy sassy bad girl angel disappears when suddenly she is on the front line!

Good girl angel took over and I admitted what was said.  Said I was sorry.  He said I would be and he swatted my behind there and then and told me to behave myself and watch my words or I would be spanked and disappeared back down the stairs.

Yes dear

Yes sir,

No Sir

Three bags full Sir

See – there she goes again – shush up already!

Anyway fast forward to lunchtime and a telephone conversation with some silly comment made by me.  He told me “that’s it.  You are going to get lashes for that comment tonight”.  I said he would probably forget.  But then he turned the tables on me.  He agreed that yes he probably would forget but then instructed me that I had to remind him. 
 
Great, put the responsibility on me wont ya!

But, I was a good girl.  Bedtime rolled around and yup I stepped up and reminded him (I just left the pillows and implement out on the bed)   And he promptly stepped up and reminded me to not be cheeky or sarcastic.

It didn’t feel so bad - (the reminding that is, not the caning, that part hurt) - because HE put the responsibility on to me to remind him.    

And yes, my bad girl angel is bound and gagged – for now LOL

But on an even more positive note, it was shopping that night too.  I reminded him about that on the phone and said he may well have reason to give me lashes other than being cheeky.  He warned me not to go over the budget  or he would "cane me to within an inch of my life"

Oh wow put the pressure why dont you?

Well, shopping - you all know how much I hate it.  I went over the budget by about $50 - not a lot.  I was dreading going home but bless him he had wine and a bath waiting for me.  So heading off to the bathroom I gave him the receipt.  He got to the bottom of it and said "good girl"  I did a double take.  I seriously thought I was in major trouble.  But he has decided I have a little leeway on the budget and that I was under the new max limit by $4 - YEEEHHHAAAA.  So I didnt get punished for the shopping - only for the smart mouth.   The leeway is very workable - I know I can do this.  I'm so relieved.

So yes, very proud of both of us right now.

LOL day

OK, in theory Im a day late (its Friday 11th here) but for you guys its still Thursday 10th :) (I love the time line).

As with His First Mate, this too is my first LOL day and I have NO IDEA what to say except to say welcome to all the lurkers - please feel free to de-lurk.  I was a lurker not so long ago and look at me now :)

I love comments (nice ones) and ones that are not nasty but make me think and ask questions - the feedback is great.

This community is amazing and I for one would be lost without all my friends His First Mate, Sara, PK, Ronnie, Bonnie, Hermione, Sweetgirl, Stormy, Christina, Kay, Lea, Elder, Rich Person, Dee, Daisychain, Princess,  FD, - to name but a few (please please dont be offended if I have missed you out - my memory is shocking.....

So, once again Happy LOL day to everyone and all the lurkers, please feel free to de-lurk and come talk to us all.

Crime & Punishment

Monday 7th November 2011

MY CRIME - was a full two weeks of of misbehaviour, cheek, sass, disrespect, disobedience an dishonesty, broken rules, tantrums and tears and it looked something like this

14 days of no exercise (2 weeks worth);

One rather large temper tantrum because of no water;

Disobedience – doing something I was explicitly told not to do which could have dire consequences not just for me and my behind but for us as a family;

Disrespect – accusing Sir of something rather horrible and completely untrue and unfounded;

Dishonesty – doing something without his permission.

Not doing my chores on time or at all.

MY PUNISHMENT - well it seemed to never happen.  I did begin to think it was never coming despite words to the contrary.

Thursday morning I got a taste of what was to come in the bathroom with the cords – ouch

But still I waited and waited.  I hate waiting.  The more I wait the worse it gets in my head.  I get so nervous and wound up.  I start to feel let down, disappointed, neglected, uncared for. 

Friday night came and I was told no punishment tonight but he thought Saturday morning would be a good idea – because we were going horse riding – so he figured that going horse riding with a very sore bottom would be good for me. 

"That’s not fair, I love my horse riding".

"But that’s the point" – to teach me a lesson. 

Saturday morning came, he read my accountability book and over his knee I went – a first for a while.

He rubbed and stroked my back and my bottom to start with.  Talking all the while about what I had done all week.  I got a few smacks with his hand – ouch I  forgot his hand could hurt quite so.

Then I was made to lie on my tummy on the bed and out came the paddle and the cane.  Still talking and telling me off for my behaviour and actions.  Red bottom, tears and apologies and comforting later it was over forgiven and forgotten.

Sunday came and we had a lovely lazy Sunday morning making love.  Oh then I was told not to move, to roll over on to my tummy and  time to remind me to behave and have a little less sass and lip thank you very much.

A few more strokes of the belt, paddle and cane and a very sore and red bottom; tears and comfort later and we were done for the day.

SO I start my new week with a clean new slate, all shiny and bright and to start it off really well I did my exercises this morning – way to go me.  And I did all my chores on time.  And I got that good girl that I so love to hear.  It made my heart swell this morning.

I hope I can keep it up.

Shopping, watermains, tantrums, tears and spankings

Thursday 3rd November 2011

Oh what a morning I have had this morning.  I would love to say roll on home time but when home time comes I’m facing very nasty consequences of last night’s  shopping fail and this morning’s major bad temper. 

I got a taste this morning of what is coming and a promise that it won’t be forgotten … I don’t like my bathroom anymore – it has too many cords hanging around just handy for him to grab, fold over and whip me with.

I’ll go back to last night and shopping.

What a major fail.  I tried.  I did listen to him.  I tried so hard, but is it my fault prices increase? I failed to stick to the budget.  I have been doing so well too.  I am disappointed in myself but maybe I had become too complacent?

He didn’t ask last night and I didn’t volunteer the information – another black mark. 

This morning dawned and over a cup of tea I told him about the shopping.  Nothing, not a word was said - at first.  Then it was discovered we had no water.  Changes are happening at work and I HAD to be here on time first thing this morning to work for a new boss.  I was stressing about it anyway – suddenly I couldn’t get ready, my hair was a mess, I couldn’t have a shower, I was going to be late, my son would be late for school,   I ended up have a very nasty hissy fit and swearing at him and accused him of not wanting to help out by taking the kids to school and not wanting to be a family unit.  I told him to fuck off (Oh god that is so bad and awful).  I stormed off to the bathroom to finish trying to get ready for work (as best I could) and I heard his footsteps behind me.

Uh oh! 

I started crying as he came into the bathroom.  Not bawling but tears spilling over.

Yup, he started yelling back at me that it’s not his fault and that I shouldn’t be taking it out on him and how dare I say such horrible things to him.

“Where is that cord” he said as he turned me around and folded the cord up and managed to whip my butt all in one swift move (how do they do that!).  I got three good whacks with the cord – owie it hurts.  And I was told in no uncertain terms that tonight we are going through the shopping receipt to see where I can do better – yawn – and I will be getting a more substantial punishment for both the shopping fail and my temper tantrum, and such behaviour will not be tolerated.  I admit even though it was only three swipes with the cord it calmed me down.  I felt better immediately.

I am feeling very ashamed of how I reacted and I feel terribly guilty for what I said to him.  I know I deserve whatever he wants to give me.  I actually hope I get a good lecture from him first.  I don’t feel overly bad about the grocery shopping.  I do try very hard to stick to it.  I’m sure they put prices up just before Christmas.

I so wish it was tomorrow already.

Goosebumps, butterflies & grocery shopping!

Wednesday 2nd November 2011

"Mmmmmmm" he said snuggling into the back of me as I was putting on my makeup in the bathroom this morning.

"SMACK" went his hand on my behind and I jumped a little

"Owww" i said "What was that for baby?"

"Hmmmm you have not had a good spanking for a few days now"

"Well perhaps I am behaving myself" I replied as he headed out of the other door of the bathroom.  (its a little like a thoroughfare in my bathroom with entrances and exits here there and everywhere)

"I was actually expecting one for yesterday after that thing I did" I said sheepishly.  "Anyway babe, its shopping night tonight - don't tempt fate, you might end up with  reason to tonight" I continued

He stopped what he was doing...

.....turned and looked at me....

...raised his eyebrow above his spectacles, with "that look"..

and he actually wagged his pointed  finger at me and said...

"YOU .... (with a tiny little pause here for effect) had better not"  with that serious stern tone.  It had the desired effect.  He turned and walked away leaving me with little goosebumps on my skin and those butterflies in my stomach.

And now its almost time to go shopping.....I'm actually quite nervous.

to be continued....