Bratting.

 Wednesday 1st February 2012

Following on from my last post and comments I have been doing some thinking. 

Do I brat?  Subconsciously or consciously.  Do I sabotage this lifestyle and my relationship?

I don’t think I do, certainly not intentionally.

I have set rules and for the most part I follow them.

Granted my exercise rule is a big issue for me.  It’s a rule I find hard to follow because I don’t like “set” exercise.  Perhaps I can be classed as a lazy person.  I don’t think I am.  I work hard, I run my house, work a full time job, look after my family, as we all do.  I’m lazy when it comes to “set” exercise.  Honestly I just don’t like it.  I do it, sometimes, because I know it’s good for me.  I am getting better at doing it too.  But I would much rather go and ride my horse or have a swim in my pool.  This is still exercise but incidental fun exercise which is so much better for me.

But I am trying.  For the last couple of weeks I have finally gotten around to doing my Wednesday step aerobics. 

When I write about it in here, it may sound trivial.  It may sound like I’m bratting to get that spanking and attention when I don’t do it.  But I’m not.  Well, not now anyway.  Perhaps at the start Ill admit that I was.  But I think I was testing the boundaries full stop.  I wanted reassurance that Sir would step up like he said he would; and slowly over time he has done, which has resulted in me being assured Sir WILL step up when he needs to.

Perhaps my hissy fit yesterday sounded a little brattish when I posted about it.  I didn’t intend for it to sound that way.  What I didn’t explain in my post was how I’m a little insecure with certain issues with Little Miss and school.  For a long time Sir was a single dad.  We got together and he is no longer a single dad but he would often still refer to himself as a single dad especially in the school environment (for amount other reasons not to make waves with the ex) it triggered an awful lot of insecurity in me.  He doesn’t to it now but yesterday when he “hung” up the phone on me the way he did triggered that insecurity.  Hence the hissy fit I had via the text I sent accusing him of thinking like a single father again etc.  It was spontaneous and certainly not planned.  But sometimes when the hackles go up and I see red there is no stopping me.  And I’ll do something that I will live to regret.  . 

I knew as soon as I sent the text I would be in trouble and that’s why I didn’t answer my phone, even though that is a rule, and I knew I was breaking it.  You know what its like, you are in trouble but trying to forget about it or figure a way out and breaking another rule along the way trying to do that just had the opposite effect and dug the hole deeper for myself.

He dealt with me last night.  He was lenient, for which I am thankful and that awful white tail did not make an appearance.  BUT I was resolved to facing her.   I knew I had acted very badly and I knew I had broken rules and needed the consequences of that.  So I was resolved to submitting.  And I did.  Sir brought out two tails.  I didn’t dawdle or plead or waste time.  I got straight into position without hesitation and I stayed there.  I took my punishment.  And even though it wasn’t as harsh as I was expecting, I felt very much chastised at the end of it.  And today, I have been better.

  

Forewarned is forearmed...

Tuesday 31st January 2012

...Or so they say.

So I have now been severely forewarned.

Sir is quite happy to get the paddle out or the cane or two tails.  I can take them quite easily he said.  But he considers that at some point there needs to be real proper consequences, something that will deter me, something that will encourage me to stick to the rules, follow his leadership and not disrespect him or disobey him.

I always thought there was.  So perhaps this little forewarning was just Sir processing his own thoughts and feelings. 

Needless to say the one implement I am in complete dread of is White Tail.  Our homemade fibre-glass rod.    There are no words to describe how it feels.  It simply hurts, and badly at that.   Regardless, I went to him later on in the day and agreed with him.  Because I am a spanko and like being spanked, there has to be a time when there is a spanking I don’t like.  This could be a great opportunity for him to consider alternative punishments, and maybe one day soon I will broach the subject with him.

So we set about our weekend, both of us thinking that I had been suitable forewarned.

Something obviously didn’t stick in my head!  (insert Homer Simpson voice here “doh”)

My attitude got me into trouble on Saturday and that night he took it out.  I pleaded with him not to use it.  He just got impatient asking me time and time again to bend over and get into position.  Even before I got the first stroke I was crying.  He was lenient though with white tails as he knows how it hurts so I got 3 strokes with it.  Now I know 3 strokes doesn't sound all that bad, but take my word for it, 3 hurt like I don’t know what.  It’s a nasty implement. 

Then on Sunday we had maintenance.  It was good.  Not as harsh as our first session last week, but still good.  Monday I was a perfect angel. 

But today…

…why is it my attitude cannot follow my actions.  I have no trouble in obeying (except when my memory lets me down and I forget something). It’s my attitude I need to work on.  I can get so defensive sometimes and then my brain takes over and I stop thinking, my hackles raise and before I know it all sorts of things can roll off my tongue.

It did it this morning.  On the telephone.  Well actually, he needed me to do something and I got the information for him.  He asked me to text it to him – and I didn’t I rang instead, but he was in the middle of a business conversation and thanked me and abruptly hung up.

I got so mad and text him how dare he hang up on me blah blah  I don’t appreciate it blah blah blah – you get the picture?

And so he tried to ring me back.  You all know my cell phone rule don’t you…I have to have it with me all the time to answer it.  Well, I had it with me, but I didn’t answer it.  Nope. The defiant bad girl angel on my shoulder wouldn’t let me.  Finally I began to have a few doubts.  I did ring him back and I got such a telling off on the phone.

So now I’m in trouble – again.  Tonight when I get home.  As well I should be.  I need to reign in my temper and attitude.  But I really don't want white tail to come out urggh!   

And plus, should I remind him about my exercise rule – it’s supposed to be on a Wednesday morning (which I’ve stuck too really really well) and on a weekend – this weekend I didn’t to it.  He doesn't seem to have noticed, I should really be honest and confess too.  Double Urggghhhh!

Apparently

Friday 27t January 2012

I learned last night that it’s not acceptable to poke out one’s tongue at Sir when being spoken to seriously about an issue.

Apparently the  making any other kind of facial gesture as in an eye rolling, raising of eyebrow, poking out of tongue, smirking, scowling all included, leads to an immediate meeting with the business end of the cane.

Owwwwwwwww L

Who knew !?

Grocery shopping, exercise and spankings

Thursday 26th Janury 2012

Gosh, I wish I could put up some pictures and images, it might make for a more interesting post.  I am going to have to sort something out and try J

Anyway, following up from yesterday’s post, Sir and I went shopping last night with it being grocery night.  (Boy oh boy what it would be like to be HOH for a change).  We went over budget but that was fine because he was with me and he said it was OK.  But it did show him that I can’t control prices and so it was agreed that I could have a little more leeway – yeaaaahhhh – happy chappy here.  So long as I don’t go overboard.  And I was told

“You are not stupid”…

“You know what is overboard or not so just be sensible and you won’t get into trouble, will you?”…

“Yes sir I do, no sir I wont”

(he is so right but ssshhhh don’t tell him) 

We also talked about my exercises too.  Well, I did that is.  I tried every which way to get out of it.  But he simply chucked and said I had a choice.  If I didn’t do it tonight, he wouldn’t spank me for it as that would be too easy, but I had to do it in the morning.  I asked him what would happen if I didn’t do it in the morning and he simply stopped what he was doing, looked over at me across the shopping trolley, raised his eyebrow as if to say “Do you really have to ask that” and said “You don’t want to ask, the consequences will be severe”.

Ohhh!

Needless to say I did my exercises as soon as we got home.  Can you see my halo shining? Hehehe

I’m sure glad he made me see sense and “encouraged” me to do them.  I did feel so much better afterwards, mentally that is not physically.  Physically I was a bit buggered LOL.

Anyway, I had my shower and then we had dinner and then I knew what was looming, my punishment from yesterday.  And as we sat there eating dinner and watching TV that was all that was in my head….my punishment …but that’s another post still to come.

I didn’t actually get the chance to pick and lay out the implement ready for him.  He didn’t forget.  He asked me had I laid it out, and I said no but I obviously didn’t need to as he had remembered.  So he took me off to the bedroom, directed me to lie down on the bed, he picked his implements (the paddle and the cane) and set to work correcting my behaviour and attitude.     His job done, we snuggled and slept.

I’m all set for maintenance this weekend and I am happy to get everything out ready for him.  For me it’s certainly easier than specifically asking for a spanking. 

I think things are really going well and are on track.  If my plan of asking if I’m in trouble when I have done something wrong works, he will come to realize that he can spank me for anything that HE deems deserves one, actions and/or attitude (and it seemed to work on Tuesday so I’m feeling pretty positive)  and now the boundaries are clear and I have been given instructions to get an implement out ready so that he doesn’t forget when he has told me I’ll be getting spanked.

I’m hoping he won’t always forget of course, but my Sir has given me directions and I will submit to them and follow them with a happy and contented heart.

Feelings of submission

Wednesday 25th January 2012

At first I was feeling contented. 

Maintenance, yes what a good thing it’s going to be. 

I was feeling positive, I was going to behave and do everything Sir asks of me, watch my attitude and just be a good and submissive wife.  Punishments were going to be a thing of the past.

Ha!

Then I was feeling disappointed, in myself.  I failed yesterday.  I frittered away some money when I was given the bank card after being warned about it (oh why oh why can’t I curtail my spending habits).  Sir was cross with me.  So I put my plan (mentioned in my last post) into action and asked if I was in trouble. 

Then I was feeling nervous because his answer was yes, I was in trouble.  I asked him by trouble what did he mean.  His answer was plain and simple.  A spanking was coming my way as soon as we got home.

Then boy oh boy I made matters worse, I got smart about my cell phone rule.  Dumb; dumber dumbest thing I could do.  The spanking just turned into a caning urrggggh.

Then I got cold feet because he told me to go to the bedroom for my caning and I asked if I could finish watching my program.  He said yes (nice man)

Then I got silently angry because we then went to bed and he forgot.

Then I got defensive and stubborn and swore to myself I wouldn’t mention it.

Then I became rebellious and thought to myself I can do anything I want obviously.  This DD stuff, “blah blah blah”, it means nothing.  I can do, say, spend or not do, not say and not spend however, whenever wherever I want to. 

Laying in bed in the middle of the night with these thoughts does not a submissive wife make.

I woke up in a bad mood, silent, distant and unsettled.

He finally asked was I OK and I said no not really I was mad at him. 

Why he asked.

Well I said, I really wish you would actually do what you say you are going to do. 

He was puzzled for a minute and then finally realised what I meant.


I went to explain that his forgetting and not doing what he says he is going to do really does nothing for my emotional needs.  Because lets face it, even though I’m a spanko and like spanking, this discipline punishment thing is an emotional need, not sexual, not physical, just plain emotional need.  And I have given up a long time ago trying to figure out why I need it, I just do, it’s just me (hmm nice speech at 7.30 in the morning

He was apologetic.  He quite simply forgot and was tired.  He said from now on, if he says he is going to spank me, he will, he always intends to but to make sure from now on it's my responsibility  to ensure he doesn’t forget.  I don’t have to ask him or mention anything to him, just simply leave an implement out on the bed.  Then when we head to bed he will remember he has a job to do.

At first I was annoyed at this and was thinking to myself, why bother.  It’s his responsibility to step up, follow through.  If he cant even be bothered to remember then we just wont bother.

But then I started thinking about submission.  What is the biggest act of submission I can offer?  I can be respectful, I can be obedient, but what is the humblest and most submissive act you can think of?

Yup, you got it ....

Submit to the punishment and get the implement and hand it to him – or at the very least leave it out ready for him.  I don't have to say a word, just leave it there, large as life on the bed, waiting silent and foreboding on the bed (at least this way I get to choose the implement hehehehe - shh I don't think he has thought of that (a fluffy furry paddle wont go down too well me thinks)

So needless to say my punishment will be administered tonight when I get home for:

1.   Over spending yesterday and frittering away dollars on useless stuff we don’t need.

2.   For getting smart over my cell phone rule

But I have to remember its grocery shopping tonight – oh and also Wednesday is my scheduled exercise day – I didn’t get out of bed this morning to do it so he tried to add that to my list for punishment tonight but as I said to him Wednesday isn’t over.  My rule for exercise isn’t specific as to time just so long as its done at some point on a Wednesday.  So, yup, after shopping tonight, its exercise time, then shower, then dinner, then spanking (or caning if I'm really submissive and honest and get the cane out and leave it ready for him) then bed for this once more very submissive little wife.

Maintenance ... so far so good.

Monday 23rd Janaury 2012

I had my very first maintenance spanking last night.  Boy oh boy I am sore today but that might be something to do with not only having a maintenance spanking but also a punishment one earlier on in the day – going through  accountability book in the afternoon I got a fair few whacks with the paddle for some pretty bad things last week.  But maybe it’s a mind set.  Similar to a punishment spanking as opposed to an erotic spanking, maintenance is again something different.  I am sore, but my heart is soft, sitting is uncomfortable but I’m happy and content and when I think of Sir I smile and I feel respectful.

It was quite intense and harsh and it seemed to last for a long time.  He wouldn’t stop either until he was ready to stop – rather than stopping when I asked.  This is new.  Another small step forward for my Sir J

Maintenance, we have decided is to be called “just because”.  It is to be done at bedtime, just prior to getting into bed, each week on a Sunday night, ready for the next week coming.  To remind me he is the boss, and I have to listen (that seems to be my weakest point, I don’t listen).  It is to keep my obstinate nature at bay, to keep my disrespectfulness in check, to remember he only has the best intentions for me and for us as a family and I have to trust that.  I have to let go of the reigns and let him lead me, us.  It is to be used to help me emotionally to give me a reason to cry when I need to cry, to bring down the walls that I build, to steady my emotions and feelings and to keep my mind heart and soul at peace and quiet in myself.  It is to be used to keep me feeling loved and secure.

He made me strip naked and bend over the pillows on the bed (his favourite position for me).  He wouldn’t put up with any stalling or dawdling.  I wasn’t moving quick enough for him, and I got a quick side swipe on the leg with the cane.  Ouch.  He held me in place and told me I have to learn to listen to him and not argue back and to be obedient and to remember he decides things for my own good not just for the sake of it.  He didn’t talk too much after that but the spanking went on for a long time.  Slow and steady, I kept saying to myself “submit, submit, submit” and I did my best to stay I position.  A couple of times I jumped up and clutched my behind as it was stinging badly.  He would give me a minute and then back down I went.  If I wasn’t in position properly he would tell me off and get me back into position and then continue the swipes with the cane and the two tails.  The quietest implements we have.  (When the kids are home I’m going to have remember to be quiet too).

After it was over, he imposed other submissive activities on me.  I won’t go into detail.  I am surprised because even though submissive exercises have been on my mind since reading Sara’s post on them last week, I had not talked to him at all about them and wasn’t planning on talking to him about it for a little while yet.  Seems he read my mind on this one!

We then climbed into bed and he hugged me tighter than a grizzly bear.  Stroked my hair.  Soothed my sore behind.  Then it was another submissive exercise until he felt it was time for sleep and then we slept.  I slept like a baby.

We talked earlier on in the day about punishments.  This was after my punishment in the afternoon.  I would rather have immediate consequences.  They just work far better than saving things up for a weekly or fortnightly “session”.  Doing that makes it feel like a game and this for me is far from being a game. 

He is hesitant about immediate consequences because of privacy issues and the kids being at home.  I understand this too.  I feel the same way but I feel that there are ways and means we can use to get around this.  For one thing we have quieter implements, the cane, “two-tails”.  We have done it before and it works so much better.  Once the kids are asleep we turn on the TV in the bedroom, lock the door, and I bury my head in a pillow and he does what he does.  And lets face it, we have practiced immediate consequences in the past quite successfully.

So having discussed it again, he has decided to try immediate consequences again, he said the spankings would just be quieter, I’m sure that will work just fine, by quieter I think he means less harsh, which means we can go for longer.  It will probably work out better. 

I will still use my book for things he doesn’t punish me for or “forgets about” or even may be for confessions.  (It’s always easier to write a confession than confess face to face).  But because of his memory and his uncertainness as to what he can spank for (despite me telling him anything he feels deserves one), if I have done something wrong, then I will ask him if I am to get into trouble for it.  And then I will accept (or learn to accept) whatever decision he makes from there.  At least then we both know where we stand instead of me wondering and waiting.    I think asking him if I am in trouble will get him into the habit of, if not spanking me for it, then at least thinking about it.  It might make him decide on what kind of things are spankable, attitudes as well as actions (if you know what I mean).

So as I am sitting here, most uncomfortably, writing this, I’m feeling happy content and respectful, and hopeful.  So far so good, watch this space ... 

Forgetting that spanking is allowed

Friday 20th January 2012

We have talked, sporadically, this week about Sir spanking me, or to be more precise the lack of it.  Tuesday I had a bad day and broke a number of rules he has set for me.  As I have talked about in here, this was very unintentional on my part, but it happened.  He let me get away with it.  I know that is his decision, and I have to learn to accept it, but it doesn’t feel right, because a couple of weeks ago he would have spanked me for it.   So like I said we have talked bits and pieces about it and it turns out he forgets he can spank me.  I don’t understand that at all.  How can he forget that he is allowed to? I have given him permission and even requested that he spank me?  Are there any other HOH's out there that do this? 

But then on the other hand he does step up and assert his authority …

For example, Wednesday was my scheduled day for step aerobics.  I didn’t do it.  He took away my chess came….and told me I had to do it that night when I got home from grocery shopping (as I have already told you).  Anyway, I needn’t have worried about whether he would “step up” and make me do it that evening instead.  He did.  I got home from work and grocery shopping (I stuck to the budget btw clever old me) and yup I had to do it.  He was not budging.  He was rock solid.  So I did it.  Even, without too much complaining (do you see my halo – half shiny at least).  When I was done he gave me a simple thumbs up but I was beaming and my heart soared.  What a feeling!!

Fast forward to this morning!  I was out of bed and getting ready for work.  I didn’t have any cash in my purse and he had the cash card in his wallet.  His wallet was there on the bench just screaming out to me, come get it Kiwi.  It’s here.  I did.  I got the card and put it in my purse.  However my downfall is I forget that he is extremely observant where he puts his things.  He immediately knew I had been in his wallet as it had moved.  (Ah ha! now I know) he questioned me about it and then that was that.  Once again I was let off, but without being told I was being let off – if that makes sense.

I was puzzled.  Anyway I tried to talk a bit more about the lack of spanking this last week, despite numerous infractions.  Turns out like I said he forgets he can spank me.  He also mentioned that he offered to last night (which is true he did).  Maybe I want too much, or ask for too much but I don’t want him offering.  I want him telling.  I need it to be his decision.  If he decides I am to get a spanking then that is the end of it, Ill get one.  I tried to explain this to him.  I said to him this morning that I need him to not let me talk my away out of one, because I can easily do that and I don’t want him letting me do that.

Anyway, something must have stuck because no sooner had we talked, he took me by the arm and led me to the bedroom, and he then proceeded to paddle and cane me before work this morning – because I took the cash card out of his wallet without his permission earlier this morning.  It wasn’t too long or overly hard, but enough to sting and bring a tear to my eye.  Lesson learnt.  I apologised and said I realise that I should have asked first.    

Last night, I left a message in my accountability book. A message to my Sir asking what happened to my immediate consequences and that I would really like them back please.  He will read it.  He said he would be reading it very shortly as he paddled me this morning, meaning that I will be finding myself in the very same position in the next day or two being held accountable for this last week.

I think over the weekend we will have another talk about my need to have immediate consequences for stuff I do wrong, whatever he decides I will accept, but I need to know, if that makes sense. I need to know that what I have done is wrong and he is not happy but if he is to spank me for it then spank me, if not there and then later that same day if possible, but if he decides not to spank me for it, tell me off at least and then tell me I’m not being spanked “this time”, so at least I know.  Does this make any sense?  I hope so. 

I am also going to talk to him about maintenance.  I think it’s really time we tried it properly.  Maybe every weekend, whether I deserve a spanking or not, I think I need him to make me bend across his knee and submit to one, to remind me of our roles in this marriage, that he is in charge, and I am to submit to him, his decisions and that I have rules to follow and I need to stick to them and behave myself.  A reminder to me to be submissive a reminder to him to be dominant and that it is OK to spank me.

Blurred lines

Wednesday 18th January 2012
I started my last post about an alternative punishment I received this morning.  It led me on to this next post.  I was going to post it all in one but really it’s two separate things. 

One about not getting spanked when I was expecting it and suffering an alternative punishment which is completely new to our dynamic and perhaps has shaken me a little

and

then the lines between being a spanko and needing punishment getting very blurry.

I’m a spanko and there is no denying it.  So the lines can get pretty messy when it comes to using spanking as punishment.  I want/need to be punished when I do something wrong.  I also want to be spanked and so I sometimes push to get spanked because so far we have only used spanking as punishment.  Asking for a spanking is hard for me to do though I do ask for it sometimes, but it also defeats the object for me, I want his authority and his dominance and to ask to be punished defeats that for me.

   

Yesterday my infractions were unintentional.  They just happened.  Should I be punished for them – well, in theory yes – I broke a number of our set rules and so I should be punished.  He told me off.  Is that punishment? For me, no not really, but it is what he decided he should do so I need to accept it, and whatever it was, it was effective -  my phone is glued to my hand today. 

Should I be punished for not obeying him this morning and doing my set exercise – because it is something we negotiated and I agreed to – yes, and he did.  He took away my chess game and told me I have to do it tonight when I get home. 

Was I expecting to be spanked for it – yes absolutely. 

Did I want to be spanked for it – yes and no.  I like spanking but I don’t like punishment. 

Is spanking punishment for a spanko?  For me, yes it can be, depending on the mood, situation, and circumstances.  

Thinking about all of this has made me realise that even though I’m a spanko and I like spanking (and when I was first introduced to adult spanking it was very much an erotic pleasure and used only for sexual purposes),  I don’t think I want to be spanked just for pleasure anymore.  I just want it for punishment, if and when he decides,  but I don’t want to be punished all the time either  as I am sure Sir doesn’t want to punish me all the time either.  I need to find a way to get both.

But I also desperately need Sir to be consistent.  I don’t really want him to be lenient, not yet anyway.  I think we need to establish our roles more clearly before he can show me leniency or else I will take advantage, and I do take advantage.  But also I know I need to work on my submissiveness, it comes from me, from my heart not from any amount of spankings. 

I read Finding Sara with great interest about exercises in submissiveness.  I think this may well be a great tool for Sir and I as a couple, for me to find consistent submissiveness and for Sir to find consistent dominance.    

Maybe its time to talk about maintenance with Sir as well.  I thought we had with my accountability book but that doesn’t seem to be working and I am thinking of stopping it.  I much prefer to be immediately accountable for an infraction, no matter whether he decides to punish me or not.  Whether it’s a spanking, or a deletion of a chess game, or a telling off (being told off by Sir can sometimes be about as pleasant as a spanking I can tell you).

I think maintenance will clear the lines a little for me.  I get my spanking that I need, it gives me a lesson in submissiveness, it may even help Sir with consistent dominance and authority over me.  I need to learn to accept his decisions in if when where and how he chooses to punish me.  I know he will spank me as punishment when he feels I deserve it. 

All this is a little confusing, blurry and my thoughts are mixed up and confused. 

His alternative punishment this morning has thrown me way more than I expected.  I hope he his consistent and insits I do my exercise when I get home after work.  Should I ask him?  I don't know.  My resolution was not to do so much asking anymore but more accepting of his decisions.  Letting him lead.  This is getting "real" and its far harder than I thought.

An alternative punishment

Wednesday 18th January 2012.

Normally when I have done something wrong or have been disobedient, I get spanked or paddled, normally.  Over the last few weeks I have been thinking about alternative punishments, what could be used, how effective they would be, how I would feel for example standing in the corner for a misdeed, either instead of a spanking, or before or after one, or being sent to bed or for a time out.  I think its something that I might like to try. 

Only once has Sir made me get into position for a spanking and left me there for a little while contemplating my actions and how I had managed to get myself into that position in the first place and to think about what was about to happen.  That was very effective.  I told him so afterwards but he hasn’t done it since.  Pity!  I quite like that “time out” before a spanking. Lying on the bed, over a pile of pillows, bottom bared, an implement within view, feeling vulnerable.  It focused my mind on what I had done wrong; it helped get my mind and heart to where it should have been in the first place – in submissive mode and then leaving me very contrite and submissive afterwards.  But still in involved spanking.

Last night I got home from work feeling very happy and content.  I had not done anything wrong, no rules had been broken, for two days in a row I had been good, submissive, loving – everything a wife should be.  Everything I want to be.

That’s what I thought.  Sir had other ideas.  I had some errands to run during my lunch break and I was told not to go over board with what I had to buy.  I didn’t think I had done, but in his view, I had.  First rule broken, disobedience.  He had told me not to go overboard, I did.

Coming out of one of the shops I ran in to my parents in law and was talking to them for about 20 minutes.  I didn’t hear my text message from Sir. 

I found it when I got home and quickly deleted it.  Mistake number 2.  I didn’t have my phone quite to hand when the text had come through and even though it was I my handbag I didn’t hear it.  Being in my handbag is not good enough.  Mistake number 3 was deleting the text when I saw it and pretending it didn’t come through in the first place.

I was scolded for these three things.  I was expecting to be spanked at bedtime, but it didn’t happen.  The punishment was being told off.

Today is Wednesday, my “agreed to” scheduled day for step aerobics.  He woke me up and got me out of bed just fine.

I made a cuppa and sat at the computer to drink my tea and then I was all set to get ready to exercise.  I got engrossed in a game of computer chess.  30 minutes later I had to start getting ready for work.  Sir was still asleep.  It was too late to do my exercise tape.

While I was showering he got up and we had breakfast together and I was getting ready to head out of this door but I just couldn’t go without confessing to him and admitting that I didn’t do my exercise.  He really thought I had been good and done my exercises.  I let him down. 

As with what happened last week when I failed to get out of bed and exercise (he brought in the white fibreglass rod “white tail” and gave me 10 hard strokes and a long lecture) I expected the same to happen this morning before I left for work.

It didn’t. 

I got that stern look; he immediately turned to the computer and deleted my chess program.  He lectured me about not exercising and how much good it will do me and how he wants to make sure I am fit and healthy.  He told me that I am no longer allowed the chess game and that tonight when I get home from work no matter how late (grocery shopping night) I have to do my step aerobics and then propelled me out of the door with a very stern goodbye and not his usual tenderness and cuddles and kisses.

I didn’t mean to not to it.  I had everything ready the night before.  His reaction took the wind out of my sails.    He has never really done anything other then spank me for an infraction.  This is new.  He is still being dominant showing his authority by not allowing me my chess game.  And it’s a punishment because I love my chess and now I’ve lost it. 

I have to go grocery shopping tonight after work so it will be late one getting home and then I have to do my step aerobics.  He will probably let me off.  But deep down I don’t want him to. I want him to remind me through out the day that I am in trouble and HAVE to do it when I get home, no matter how late.  I want him to insist when I get home that I have to do it.  But I don’t want to “ask” him to do this.  I want it to come from him.  Is this wanting too much?  I keep asking myself why don’t I just go home and do it anyway, to please him, that’s what it’s all about, submission, doing something for Sir that pleases him, that he has asked/told me I have to do anyway,

I shouldn’t need reminding.  He instructed me this morning that I have to do it and that should be an end to it.  So why is it so hard?  It should be easy.  I wish it was easy.

*sigh*

New Year spanking resolution.

Monday 16th January 2012

Well, I’m back to work.  Today is my first day at work and it’s fairly hectic.  Only after half a day I’m ready for my next holiday LOL.  Seriously though I have a sore neck, back and arm already.  Me thinks its time I got a new chair and one of those ergonomic mouse pads and keyboard.

I hope everyone has had a wonderful holiday and any new years resolutions made are being stuck to.  She says very quietly not mentioning her own already broken resolutions.

I have slowly started catching up with posts and commented on a few so far.  Some really good ones and I’m sorry I have missed them.  Shelter in the Storm in particular and the interview with hubby.  That was really good.  Another good post was from Discipline&Dreams and her post “My need for punishment”.  I could have written that myself.  It was very thought provoking and I found it invaluable to read and have my own feelings put into words so well – thanks Heather for sharing that post with us. 

I have dearly missed Fantasy Friday from PK and will catch up with the stories over the next few days.

Unfortunately my computer won’t open Christina’s blog at the moment L which I'm sad about as some of her posts look pretty awesome too.

What I am trying to say is that I will be catching up and reading everyone’s posts from the last three weeks but I may not get chance to comment on them as I usually do – so please forgive me but I will be reading them, that will tie up lunchtimes for the next couple of weeks J

My Christmas break was quiet but lovely.  I have had one or two serious spankings in the last three weeks. 

The first was on Christmas day morning, a pre-emptive spanking so to speak, to behave while out visiting, drive well, and to not say a word to that horrible thorn in my side!  I have to say pre-emptive spankings tend to work well.

I got an extremely serious spanking about a week later, for causing an argument in front of my parents, who were visiting.  The day they left to go home I found myself bent over the bed and facing the horrible green two tails and cane and a serious spanking and serious lecture.  Needless to say I was extremely contrite at the end of it.

I got another one a day or two after that for general bad attitude – this time over the dining room table with the wooden paddle.  Ouch.  I honestly couldn’t sit down comfortably for a day or two after that one.

A couple of times I was made to fetch that paddle for a few swats for being just a little too cheeky and then being told to bend over and touch my toes…being made to fetch the implement oneself certainly does something for one’s submissiveness I can assure you.  And those words “bend over”…well what more can I say.  I was told that I am going to be getting immediate consequences from now on. 

I got white tail (that horrible fibreglass rod he made) for not doing my exercise one morning last week.  He woke me up to do it, I went back to sleep.  He woke me up again 2 hours later to spank me for it.  I had no choice I found myself over the side of the bed (again) getting 10 strokes.  He let me visit the bathroom first and then yup I was bent over the bed, given 10 hard strokes and the tears flowed and the lecture followed as I lay crying afterwards, but the next morning I did my exercise.

I mentioned the few punishments I got over the holidays but consistency has been a little hit and miss over the holidays. 

The grocery budget was severely broken last week – and he let me off. 

I started a diet plan last week, Sunday weigh day.  I gained 2lb in my first week.  The consequences for not losing are 1 stroke of the cane for each 10 kilos of my weight.  But yesterday after my weigh in nothing happened (given my current weight this could be a blessing in disguise)

Last night I was a bit of a spoilt brat in my behaviour, in actual fact I am feeling a bit ashamed of it really now in the light of day.    He told me off about it for sure, he was displeased with me (I won’t say angry because that would be too strong) but the telling off resulted in us not speaking for the rest of the night which really upset me.   Maybe he thought that was punishment enough I don’t know.  But I would prefer to be spanked for it rather than the silent treatment.  I don't like anyone being upset with me or disappointed or angry at me.  If I do something wrong, then I prefer to be punished for it, over and done with forgiven and forgotten.  

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining.  It was his decision to let me off the broken budget.  I accept that decision (as I should have been in BIG trouble for that one, then I gladly accept his decision he he).   Maybe he thought that leaving me to "stew" in my own juices last night was punishment.  I accept that.  Its not my idea of punishment, but I do accept it.  My New year spanking resolution is to accept his decisions to spank or not to spank.  This is going to be hard as sometimes I feel I need one and he doesn't.  I am not saying I wont talk to him about it, but I'm not going to be asking for them as often as I do.  It defeats the object.  Last night would have been better if he had told me off for being bratty an then spanked me for it.  That would have been prefect.  So tonight, I'll go home and we will talk about last night and I will tell him that when I behave like that then its OK for him to spank me if he wants to, but its best its done that night so to speak - immediate consequences again.

Now that I am back to work though and kids back to school in the next two weeks, I am sure we will be getting back to business so to speak.  Get back to the good flow of things.  Get back that consistency and get back to immediate consequences. 

So I’m back to work which is OK. 

I’m really glad to be back in blogland though.  To my bloggy friends, I have missed you all and it's good to see you all again J

Let’s hope that 2012 brings us joy, peace, health and happiness.