A spanko for life...

I was watching TV last night, my favourite show, Greys Anatomy.  I don't know if any of you watch it but here we are about a third of the way through season 7.  I am thoroughly enjoying it.

Anyhoo, about half way through the episode there is a scene were my three favourite doctors are playing golf on the roof of the hospital, McSteamy, McDreamy and Dr. Hunt.  All complaining about the wives in their lives.  Complaining about how unreasonable their wives are, how stubborn they are being and how pig headed and disrespectful they are.  In fact in one earlier scene Dr. Hunt was having an argument with Christina and just "stalks" out of the room angry, instead of doing what he should have done....putting her over his knee and giving her a thorough spanking through her scrubs.  Can you just imagine the scene? 

My first and only thought was all that behaviour could be put to right by the husbands just giving their wives a spanking or too, well deserved and needed I thought.  Men being men and letting their women know who is the boss, for their own good.  

I have come to the conclusion that I am, for life, a spanko and an avid fan and supporter of Domestic Discipline.  Its not the be all and end all of relationship but for me it sure does help keep harmony and peace in my home.

A prolonged hard spanking.....

……is what I am in need of.

I have been writing every day in my little exercise book of all the things I think I have done wrong, and there are plenty.  So far there hasn’t been a day that I haven’t broken a rule.  Whether it be just one rule or 5 or 6. 

He hasn’t looked at it yet – that I am aware of.  But I have make allowances for the fact that he is full of flu (well, I say a head cold, but you know what men are like!); and we are having problems with one of our horses – which is looking quite serious.  That is the difference between him and me I think.  I don’t tend to let worry get in the way of other things.  Worrying is not going to help matters, its not going to make our horse any better.  And all the while he is worrying about the horse or feeling down because he is not feeling very well, I’m feeling neglected.  Not right, selfish, childish but still how I am feeling.

I got a paddling on Tuesday night.  I was so glad.  It wasn’t long, it wasn’t particularly harsh.  I was upset on Tuesday morning – a number of things one on top of the other.  I didn’t want to talk about it because I would have just cried (yes, that’s me a cry baby – I cry at anything whether I am sad, happy or mad or hurt – I cry LOL).  Anyway, I refused to talk to him on Tuesday morning because I would have just cried.  But I decided to email him – yup I’m the email queen.  I think I got a little attitude in the email as well because at the end of my little speech I said “OK?  Happy now?  Good!”

I got home and he hugged me and told me he loved me and said he was sorry.  He explained about everything that was making me feel the way I was feeling.  We got on with our evening and I was in the bedroom, he came through and pushed me down on the bed, gave me another hug and said he was going to spank me at bed time.  I told him I was glad because I deserved it.

Bedtime came around.  I decided I wasn’t going to remind him.  I am so glad that I didn’t remind him because he remembered all by himself and that is such a big thing for me, that he remembered himself.  He actually turned off the light and got into bed and then suddenly got back out again and said “I’m supposed to be spanking you!”  He switched the light back on and locked the bedroom door and told me to get across the bed.  Where he promptly paddled my behind with what he now affectionately calls “Paddy”!  It wasn’t long, it wasn’t overly harsh and it didn’t make me cry.  He lectured me a little bit – but not a lot – about sending him silly emails and feeling the way I was.  The last swat was pretty harsh; he got me to change position so that he could “swing” the swat.  Owwwwww!

Anyway, it was over pretty quickly and we snuggled afterward.  But it didn’t really get me to where I needed to be.  I was submissive, I got into position and I stayed relatively well in position this time.  A conscious effort.  He told me I would be getting more on Friday, but with this cold of his I am not sure, I am hopeful, but not sure. 

I really needed this spanking to be much longer.  It was over so quickly.  I need a prolonged spanking, one with a warm up first and then quite harsh with a telling off.  I’ve done plenty to deserve it, especially my attitude.

But, on the positive side of things, he really is getting in to the swing of things, I was bending over stacking the dishwasher on Monday and he walks by and swats me and then tells me its my own fault as I have no idea what I have unleashed in him, he just wants to spank me all the time, and is always on the look out for a painful implement for me!!

Very good positive steps in the right direction.

So perhaps its time for another discussion  - I need to let him know that I really need the spankings to be a little longer in duration.  After all when we first got the paddle he said he could paddle me for hours with it, it’s very comfortable for him to use and doesn’t hurt his hand at all!!!!!

HOLDING POSITION

Well, well, well, talk about an “about turn”, a “360 degree turn around” or a “change of heart”.  My wonderful, masterful, oh so newly dedicated HOH decided that a taste of the paddle for the credit card was needed after all. 

So not fair.  First telling me I wasn’t in trouble, then obviously he had been thinking about it and then I was in trouble.

So, there I am bent over the bed, having been told 4 hours earlier at dinner time that I would be getting spanked after all, being paddled with that darned maple wood paddle that I so wish I hadn’t purchased, being told how silly was I to think that I would be allowed to get away with another credit card, that I had gone behind his back which was sneaky and deceitful.  It could be worse he said, he could get the cane out he said.  So be still and take it he said, stay in position he said, well, demanded really, did he really have to hold me down he asked.

But I couldn’t stay in position, I jumped about, moved completely out of the way at times, put my hands back to protect myself - which is very dangerous - I am pretty sure a paddle across the hands would be darned painful!

I just found it so hard to stay in position last night.  It wasn’t a bad punishment and punishments go.  It didn’t bring me to tears – though nearly.  It hurt that is for sure.  It hurt when he paddled me fast and furious; it hurt when he paddled me slowly with breaks in between.  It just plain hurt.

I was glad when it was over and he held me and cuddled me and stroked my hair.  I know the issue is now done with for sure.

But it got me to thinking.

I wasn’t feeling all that submissive.  I thought the issue was over with.  I had confessed, he saw how hard that was for me and decided that was punishment enough.  Or so I thought.  He then pulls  the rug from under me and decides to punish me anyway. 

I do try to stay in position, always, but sometimes it’s easier than others.  And this has got me to thinking and comparing previous punishments.

I wasn’t submissive yesterday when he paddled me, because I thought the issue had been dealt with, obviously he felt it hadn’t.

When he punished me for the shopping issue, I knew I was in trouble and he dealt with me straight away and although the punishment that night was far worse with the cane, I was much more submissive and although I wasn’t perfect, I stayed in position far easier than last night.

Then again when I think back to the “almost fire” incident we had, again the punishment was harsh with the cane but still I stayed in position much more easily than I did last night.

I have read comments in the past about staying in position and I think it has something to do with our mindset – same as the emotional side of things and the tears and the level of submissiveness.  The more guilty I feel, the more submissive I am and the easier it is to stay in position and take what has been earned.

Whereas, last night, I thought he had forgiven me and that I wasn’t in trouble anymore.  He changed his mind as is his right to do, and decided I did actually need a taste of that paddle.  I got into position without any fuss, but I just couldn’t stay there, to the point where he had to hold me down, until those words I long to hear were uttered “OK, that’s enough, we are done”.

Oh and now I have a new rule.  (me and my big mouth - my idea and he thinks its a great idea) I have had to buy a book today so that I can write down everything I think I have done wrong on a daily basis so that he can read it, if he so wishes, and he will then decide if and how to deal with me.   

*Groan* I think I am going to need lots of pillows!!!

Comment Approval

I am sorry to say that I have had to modify my blog to approve of comments before they are posted.  I really didn't want to do this but due the  malicious attacks I am receiving from LOL (and NONE) i have had no choice.

I love comments, nice ones, ones with advice, even ones with constructive critisism.  I do not feel that it is necessary to put up with the nasty comments from small minded people who have no idea about this lifestyle choice I have chosen, or any idea of who I am or what I am about.

So to that reader (and any others that might come along).  This is my life, you have no idea who I am or my family.  I have made this lifestyle choice after a lot of research, reading, asking questions and understanding.  You have no idea about my relationship dynamic and that in itself gives you no authority whatsoever to comment on anything that I do or say or anyone else's posts.  If you are so bothered by what I or anyone else says, why are you bothering to read it? 

Don't read it,  go and find something else to occupy your little closed mind.

Thank you to all my friends, readers and nice commenters.  I cherish your advice, your words of wisdom and your support in this.

Update - I did confess.

This is a really quick, short post just to let you all know that I did in deed confess last night.  I had emailed him during the day something along the lines of My hypothetical question, wasn't.  I did do something, a rash, perhaps slightly rebellious decision, something I know you don't want me to do, I hinted at it, you asked me what did i do and then I lied to you.  I have sent this so that I cant chicken out of telling you tonight.  Please remember that I love you

He seemed really relaxed when I got home, we unloaded the shopping (which even with an extended budget I stayed within - its amazing what wonders that cane can do).  Anyway, we had dinner and then he said, Oh look at this email...showed me ...it wasn't mine.  Then he got stern and said oh and yes look at this one....mine...

"spill it now!"

So I stuttered and stammered my way through my explanation.

I was stunned, shocked, perhaps even slightly disappointed.  He said OK then and then that was it.  No punishment, no telling off, no lecture, nothing.  We carried on with our evening as if nothing had happened.   We headed to bed and I asked him if I could safely assume I wasn't in trouble, he hugged me and said no I wasn't in trouble.

And that was it.

I don't know what to make of it to be honest.  Is it something he really has forgiven and forgotten about, or is this something he may just keep in the back of his mind and all of sudden next time I do get punished for something, he will bring this up and punish me then - so unfair.

Anyway, its his decision to punish or not.  He decided this time around not to.  I should count my lucky stars really, he was lenient.  Perhaps he shouldn't have been, but he was.  His decision to make, regardless of how I feel about it.  I do feel a bit confused, perhaps a little disappointed that he didn't hold me accountable,  maybe slightly anxious that this is another little slide backwards..... its probably not, so I am going to go with it. 

I will be sure to let you know if it comes back to bite me in the bum at a later stage.

All is right with the world - at least for this week.

Hi guys, well I'm still alive, so either it means I fixed the problem, or he was lenient, or I just didn't tell him.

The truth? 

I didn't tell him. 

I chickened out.  Firstly the damned credit card was advertised on the TV and I must have given an audible gasp - he looked at me - you know - "the look" - over the rim of his glasses his blue eyes warning me, and I just couldn't tell him. 

Secondly, I got into trouble on Friday night - believe it or not  over dinner again - which resulted in me being told off and then later paddled and caned.  For the record I now officially declare I no longer like the paddle.  As I was laying there, crying, the paddle smacking down on me over and over burning and stinging, I'm not thinking how sorry I was over the dinner mix up and not listening to him, but OMG if this is punishment for a wrong takeaway, then what on earth will he do for a new credit card?  I will just deal with it when it arrives.  Lord have mercy on my soul.  The punishment was more to do with not listening and doing as I am told.  He is a firm believer of the end of the world conspiracies and he wants to make sure that if in the event of a major disaster that if he tells me to head some place in particular I will go there so that he can come and get me.  Not just change my mind and do as I please and he cant find me.  His words I think during the paddling where if I were to do something so stupid and he couldn't find me, that when he did he would give me the beating of my life.  So its out of care for me that he does this. 

One of my earlier posts I was telling you all how blurgggh I was feeling and how insecure I had been.  Well, since Wednesday last week when the paddle first arrived and we "played" with it, and then again on Thursday, and then my punishment on Friday - I feel so much better.  My insecurity has gone.  I feel settled, balanced, protected and so secure.   Well, those feelings got me to thinking.

We had a long horse ride planned for the weekend, so after that, it was so perfect and lovely, that afternoon I decided to talk to him about this thing we do.

He surprised me the other day asking if I was still OK with the discipline.  I started with that.  He assured me he just wanted to make sure I was OK with everything, we were going in the right direction and that I wasn't doing this because I thought it was something he wanted to do because he really does want to do this.  I assured him I am more than OK and that in fact he could be stricter with me if he wanted to.

I then went on to explain my feelings of insecurity and how they had disappeared because he had taken the time to pay me some attention on Wednesday and Thursday and then on Friday he stepped up and punished me for doing something wrong, and when he had explained the reason for disciplining me for not listening it touched my heart - he is concerned for me, its for my benefit, for my welfare.  I have to learn to listen to him, do as instructed and not deviate so that he can rely on me, knowing I can be found where I am told to be, get what I am told to get.

I then went on to talk about the rules we recently set and I said to him that I was confused that he lets things slide.  He asked for an example....well the exercise one.  He said not to worry, its coming if I don't get on to it.  Oh dear.  He said it would probably be best if I was honest with him and "confessed" when I thought I had broken a rule and then let him decide how to deal with me.  WOW!  talk about being in HOH mode!  I was very proud and respectful. 

I asked him can I be sure that if I do something wrong he will step up and take me in hand, however he decides, he wont just let it slide or if he decides to be lenient then he has to tell me that.  He assured and promised me that he will always step up maybe not straight away but it will come. 

He told me that after knowing about my feelings of insecurity its best I go to him next time I am feeling like that and he will deal with me for being so silly, I have no reason to feel so insecure but he understands that that is the person I am and he will do what he needs to do (spank me) to make me feel better.

At that moment in time, I felt as though all was right with the world.  It was such a wonderful peaceful feeling.  My rock was back, he never really went anyway, but perhaps I did emotionally.  He said he was proud of me for being so open about this need in me and that I can talk more freely about it.  WOW again.  I think he feels completely trusted.  We need to trust our HOH but they need to trust us too. 

I do not regret for one moment first approaching him with this.  When I look back over the last few weeks, in only a few weeks how far we have come.  I have panicked and stressed over the little things as we have gone on - does he want this, will he wont he, but there really has been no need...one thing I've learned - I have to trust in him, I have to be open and honest and I can go and talk to him.  Who can I talk to if not my husband, my HOH, my rock.  He wants this as much as I do...he has told me that.  He wouldn't do it if he didn't want to, he would have told me no from the outset, or tried it and then said no.  But he hasn't.  He likes the results as much as I do - what more can I ask for.

I look at him out of the corner of my eye and my heart fills with respect and love and pride for him.  As he holds me in his strong arms and holds my head in his soft gentle hands I know he loves me as much as I love him.  I could never be without him, I cant go wrong with him as he wont let me let me go wrong.  I am going to make mistakes and he will help me fix those mistakes by doing what he does.   He holds me and my heart and my soul in his strong loving caring hands.

Here comes the crazy ...take me away ha-ha-he-he to the funny farm

OK, guys and gals, my bloggy friends, my fellow spankees and spankers.  This may well be my very last post.  If you don’t hear from me come Monday (my time) then I am deceased, passed away, gone to the other side, exited this mortal coil…..and its has been my great pleasure to have known you all (j/k really - but Im in real trouble me thinks)

All because of my stupid  rash stubborn impetuous irresponsible crazy illogical decision making.

What is my strictest rule?    

Yes, that’s right, we all know it, it’s money and credit cards.  I’m not allowed to use them without permission.  That’s great, he has taken them off me, hidden them now in fact, as I can be a wee bit sneaky. 

And what did I do today?

I can hardly type the words....

That’s right, I have applied for another one.

What in God’s name am I thinking?

I can’t believe I did it.

It’s the most rashest stupidest thing I have ever done in my entire life.

It was one of the crazy rash moments, I saw something advertised on the internet and bang before I new it, I was online applying.....aarrggghhhh.

My crazy rash irresponsible stubborn character is a life threatening condition.  I need a cure. 

I really cannot believe I have just done this.

OK don’t panic Kiwi its not the end of the world.  The card comes and I can cancel it, he will never know. 

HA!  That man seems to know everything.  Just by the tone of my voice, or a look in my eye – he will know.  I know, I'l get to the mail first, or maybe I can tell him it was just a mistake (who am I kidding).

Oh dear God.  He can be lenient, he can be lax in follow through and issues plenty of empty threats.  But I have this horrible feeling this will not be an empty threat when he finds out (IF, kiwi, IF - if I say IF long enough and loud enough it will come true LOL....not).

RIP Kiwi.  They say God loves a trier.  I certainly try – I am sure my HOH would agree I am very trying LOL.

Wish me luck :)

Lets hope I see you all next week.

And The Paddle Cometh ...

I did it again.  2 weeks in a row now I have stayed within my grocery budget.  I don’t know how I did it really.  Well if I am honest, yes I do.  I learnt my very painful lesson 2 weeks ago and I don’t really want it repeated; and it’s good to show hubby that this DD lifestyle does work, that discipline is a deterrent.  It makes me pay attention to what I am doing.  I just hope that if (and when, as I am sure it will happen) I break this rule again he steps up straight away again and punishes me.  It’s not that I want punishment; I just need him to be HOH and step up and do what he said he would do.  I mean, really, how hard is it to bend some one over and do what needs to be done?  It doesn’t take all night; it’s not that hard surely? 

I was going to post a blog yesterday about how insecure and lost I was feeling – but those feelings have gone.  Thanks to The Maple Wood Paddle.

Yes - it finally arrived.  The Maple Wood Paddle.  I can now very safely say I am not a paddle virgin anymore.

He said he could sit there for hours and just paddle me, he said he loves the feel of it in his hand, its comfortable, feels good and doesn’t make his hand sore.  Hummmmfff - what about my rear end?  He said it’s his new favourite implement over the cane (thank you Lord for small mercies)

Needless to say I got my first paddling last night.    It was more of a good girl paddling than punishment.  I had done nothing wrong, I stuck with my budget.  In truth he could have found a zillion other reasons to punish me as I have been such a moody sulky brat and if the shoe was on the other foot I would have punished me.  But it was his decision.

Still, I got paddled.  And even though it wasn’t really hard, it did burn.  And it had me wriggling a little and moaning and wanting to reach back and rub but I was too scared to as he would have paddled my hands I am sure – he has caned my hand before now when I have reached back.  He got me right in the sit spot a few times and on the back of the thighs.    I didn’t get the emotional release of crying that I thought I was looking for, but just the mere fact he asked me to undress and lay across the bed and I did so without any hesitation completely submissively and took my paddling completely and relaxed into it,  rebalanced me and I feel so much better today.  We feel so much more connected - or at least I do.  We snuggled in bed and fell asleep in each others arms, which doesn’t always happen.  My insecurity has vanished – for now. 

He even asked me last night was I ok with the discipline still.  Seriously???  Was he really asking ME?????    Of course I am in fact I need him to be stricter with me.  He said oh fuck and then said you can see how I am with my child - I let things slide - and I said well I need you to not let things slide with me.  And he just groaned. 

So I will try and talk again - I'm scared of going overboard and becoming obsessive - or at least him thinking I’m obsessive.

I need to try and get him to understand how I think maintenance could be good for me....not every week but just when I feel out of balance and out of kilter if I could go to him and ask him.  Or if I could tell him that when I feel insecure then a spanking would probably put things right so if I could just go to him and say honey I’m feeling a bit insecure, then he would know what to do without me even asking outright.  No strings attached, just a spanking until I’m feeling better.  It’s not exactly hard to bend me over and do what he needs to do is it?  It also doesn’t take a lot of time....just a little bit of attention from him to set me straight, to make me feel loved and protected and cared for and secure – such an important word.

So yes, the wooden paddle.  I have to admit I do like it.  I like the fact that he likes it.  If he likes an implement then he is going to be more eager to use it perhaps?  I hope so.   I dread the use of it in a punishment though.    So now we have the cane, the studded strap and the paddle…what’s next?  I’m so curious about a Loopy Johnny.  I am very tempted to get one.

Its such a relief to be feeling better and secure once again.  I should tell him how it makes me feel.  I should broach the subject again with him about discipline and to make sure he knows that I am so alright with it that he doesn’t have to worry, and to just ask him to make sure he steps up when I need him to. 

Thank you

I have just read a comment from a very good friend PK which made me think.

I think without this community I would be totally lost and insane by now with TTWD.  Its such a hard road and without understanding and support of people who know exactly what I am going through because they have gone through it themselves I would be a total basket case by now - I have come pretty close to it already.

I love this community, I love my bloggy friends.  I love and appreciate all your words when you comment on things I have shared with you.  I love reading your experiences, they make me giggle, they make me cry, they make me hopeful.

I am lucky to have found a man who loves me, whom I just adore, we just click.  He had never spanked a woman in his life before let alone consider living a DD relationship.  We have had sticking points and still do and will do in the future no doubt.  But he is happy to do this for me because it makes me happy, its what I need.  How much better than that can it get?

I just wanted to say a huge big thank you to you all - you are a marvelous bunch of people and I don't know what I would have done without your friendship, support and advice.

Thank you all

Love and big hugs from Kiwi.

X0X0

Feeling blurrgghhhhh

OK, I have just posted a quick update on grocery shopping to let you know how I went.  It was all good.  And I did feel good about sticking to the budget I have to admit.  I have been polishing my halo hehehe.

But, I am feeling very bluuugghhhh at the moment.  DD has gone very quiet this last week.  I am not sure why.  Perhaps its simply that I have been a good girl since last Friday.  Wednesday and Friday last week I got myself into trouble for going over budget and then being disobedient, and both incidents my HOH punished me straight away - no waiting, no forgetting, he stepped up as I had asked him to.    Now its all quiet.  Has he gone off the idea?  Or I have been good?  I don't know.  I think I have given him reason to punish me, broken rules which he seems to have let slide, moodiness today but as with this submissiveness, I have to bow to his decision, if he thinks I have been good then I should be pleased - I am, but still a little unsure as to whether he really wants to do this...its about having faith in him I guess, trust.  And I do have faith, I do trust, but I'm finding it hard to let go and not try and control this.  I have a very clear image in my head of how I see it  working for us.  Its very different to reality at the moment.  In fact I almost posted about it - Fantasy v Reality.  But I think we all have the same sort of battle going on in our heads - especially when first starting out.

I took the very good advice of PK (thanks PK) and I emailed him today just to thank him for helping me keep on budget this week and explained that it was because of the vivid memory of last week's consequences.  I thanked him for punishing me straight away and for Friday too for not getting the soup as asked - for not waiting or giving out empty threats - I told him I had learnt my lesson and that could he please keep doing it exactly like that.  I tried to explain that for me, being an insecure person, DD makes me feel protected, secure and very loved.  I am hoping that will encourage him that he is doing it right for me, that what he did last week works for me.

We had issues this morning over his step son.  Perhaps I over-reacted.  I come to that conclusion after just reading Rogue's post - thank you Rogue.  It helped me see something just now.  You see, my hubby made a parental decision about a child that isn't even his, not mine, but a child of his ex-girlfriend - his step son so to speak.  He made these arrangement without thinking how I would feel about it, without talking to me.     I am not happy at all - for all sorts of reasons that I wont go into but quite valid I think.  I had a bit of a meltdown this morning for which I am now feeling guilty because at the end of the day its a child that he has pretty much brought up since a baby but I don't trust the mother and the child  is very much under her influence. 

Rogue's post reminded me that its not for me to make this decision, he is the leader in our house, he makes the decisions for our family.  But he should have talked to me first, gotten my point of view.  I have emailed him and told him my thoughts anyway.  He cant take it back he has already said yes to the child.

Also he has another ex girlfriend all of a sudden circling texting and messaging him.  I know he is not interested in her, but for an insecure person like me - its hard to deal with.

Its all hard to deal with or maybe I am being selfish.  Maybe I am just tired, as I got no sleep last night.  His daughter wanted to sleep with us - I don't agree with kids sleeping in the same bed, and I would have tried to get her back into bed, or gone to her bed with her for a cuddle - she knows this too - so of course it was Dad she woke up becuase she knows he is a soft touch and into bed she got.  The only one that got any sleep was her!

So yes I am feeling blurrrgghhhhh - the best way to describe it.  I probably need a spanking to reconnect, to feel secure and loved.  Or just him making a reference to the rules and to behave or else.  But I am not going to ask him.  I have found that when I ask him he never does it.  He just tells me he will spank me when he decides.  I was hoping the paddle I had ordered from Cane_iac would arrive - its been nearly 3 weeks and that would make it easier to talk about again - but it hasn't and I am beginning to think its been lost in the post.

So another speed bump in this journey.  I really don't like speed bumps.  I really want Chitty Chitty Bang Bang so that I can just fly over them rather than drive over them - is it too much to ask?

Probably, how are we supposed to learn if we don't have these speed bumps.

If I am being completely honest I am just so scared of losing him.  I love him so much and there has been so much on his mind about the custody thing and now I have to put up with his ex's other child that is not even his.  I don't want to overwhelm him with DD and asking him to spank me.   Last week I thought we were "getting there", him stepping up, taking charge, making rules, following through, punishing me straight away.  Now there seems to be nothing.  But maybe its just me, a silly insecure emotional female, needing a spanking to feel better, I need him to be my rock and come to my rescue. I need him to remind me he is the boss, that he loves me and is taking care of me and I get that in a spanking or even just to talk about it, remind me he is the boss and to behave or else.

Grocery shopping update

Well folks, it was the dreaded grocery shopping night last night.  Horror of horrors I had my budget cut rather than increased and he refused to come with me.  I had to show resolve and restraint and be good and do it myself, within budget.

Now being honest, I had my budget cut because the previous night I HAD to do an interim shop because we had run out of a few things that just couldn't wait - cat food for one - ever had 5 hungry cats caterwauling and getting under your feet day and night - not pleasant.  Enough was enough. 

SO, $100 later after the interim shop, I had my main shop budget decreased.

But the good news was I DID IT!  Yeah me.  Walking around the store, visions of last week's consequences still very clear in my mind and still evident on my behind - I managed to stay within budget.  I was so pleased - and he was so pleased - which pleased me even more.

Which means I have to do it again next week.  Maybe it was just luck this week - or maybe I just paid more attention to what I was doing.  

One thing I have learnt so far - DD makes you pay attention that's for sure.

A little Good news....

This really isn't a post about DD but I wanted to share with my friends anyway - its such good news.  We won our custody battle - for now.  They settled in mediation rather than going to full blown Court and we get to keep my hubby's daughter in our care.  We are ecstatic.  Its wonderful news.   Its going to be looked at again in a couple of months to make sure everyone is still happy with the situation but I don't think anything is going to change.

Maybe now we can get back to living instead of being in a vacuum of not knowing, wondering and worrying.  Hubby has been a little withdrawn since last week and seemed to have drifted off the HOH role, but this morning I was told in no uncertain terms he is back, grocery shopping tonight and to make sure I don't go over budget.  Its a relief to be honest, I was starting to feel extra stress of not knowing and not wanting to bring up the subject while he was worrying about everything else.  Its a big relief to know he is back, back to being my rock, my HOH and I have to be accountable to him again. 

Thanks for listening :)

A Little Survey continued

What is your screen name?         Kiwigirliegirl

How long have you been practicing TTWD?           a few weeks

What is your astrological sign?               Taurus

In what part of the country do you live?           New Zealand

Do you have children?                    1 son and one step daughter, two older step children from earlier marriage

Do you have grandchildren?            Not yet

What is your favorite color?             Green

What is your favorite day of the week?              Sunday

Morning or Evening?                      mid morning

Favorite TV Show?                    Greys Anatomy - watch it every week without fail in a hot bubble bath with a glass of white wine

Favorite pro sport?                   Show jumping

Favorite Ice Cream?                  Mint choc chip

Person from Blogland you'd like to meet?        All my bloggy friends :) what a coffee morning that would be ;)

Person from Blogland who makes you laugh?     Stormy and Rogue

Person from Blogland you identify with the most?    His First Mate, Kay from Trying to Learn, PK


Title of your first blog entry?                                      Testing one two three

What are you wearing on your feet right now?            Short blue dress, black thick stockings and high heel shoes

What are you listening to right now?                           Radio

Chocolate or Vanilla?                                                Chocolate

Coffe or Tea?                                                            Tea

Favorite non-alcoholic drink?                                   Lime cordial

Favorite alcoholic drink?                                         Wine usually, or Bourbon

Favorite vacation spot?                                           Snow

Favorite Holiday?                                                  Christmas

Favorite season?                                                   Winter if im near snow, usually spring

Place you want to visit?                                        Graceland

If you had to start all over again, would you
still choose TTWD?                                               Absolutely without any hesitation

Best piece of advice you can pass on about
TTWD?                                                                  Ive not being doing it long enough to give advice but advice I have taken is to be patient its a continual work in progress and to take little steps.

Its a funny business TTWD

A couple of weeks ago something clicked in me.  It was like a light switch being switched on when we made the decision to follow this lifestyle or at least when I approached my HOH with the idea and he has slowly opened his mind to it and started "thinking" on his own and stepping up.  I can't keep secrets from him.  If there is something I have done I have to confess - maybe not straight away but eventually I do - normally in the dark of the night, in bed before we go to sleep. 

A week or so ago we set some rules.  We even wrote them down, what he expects of me and what I expect from him. 

I had to confess on Friday last week that I had broken a couple of the rules.  So I sent him an email with my list of transgressions - not many but enough.  I was totally expecting to be punished for them at some point over the weekend.

Well, I did get punished and it was on Friday night too when I got home from work, but not for the things I expected. 

We had arranged on Friday lunchtime for me to bring home some dinner....nothing big, just a little soup and some wantons.  Its lovely soup.  But by the end of the day I really wasn't hungry.  He didn't seem all that bothered at lunchtime - having just had a  Big Mac.  So I made an executive decision and decided not to get dinner, thinking I would cook something simple when I got home.

Oh how wrong could I be

I was lectured for what seemed like an eternity;

I was told off severely;

and then to top it off I was spanked.

Over soup.  That's right - soup!  

Well to be honest it wasn't over soup really was it?   One of my rules on my list is obedience.  And what did I do on Friday - I was disobedient and I got mouthy and had attitude to boot.  I didn't do as I was asked.  He was really looking forward to the soup, which I decided in my infinite wisdom neither of us wanted.    Which was really unfair.  He wanted it.  As he told me in no uncertain terms on Friday night he was really looking forward to it.  But on top of that I got attitude, as soon as he started to lecture me and tell me off I got attitude!  I really do need to be gagged at times.

He told me off severely, told me I wasn't cooking and neither was he and I had to go and get some dinner.  So off I trotted, but he yelled for me to wait that he was coming with me.  I told him I really didn't need a babysitter to go to the noodle shop and get the soup.  But no he didn't want me to go back into town - a waste of money, we could go somewhere else instead.  I argued back, loudly, dramatically, threatened to just go without him at which point he came to the balcony of the house and threatened that If I dare leave in the car without him I would be so very sore and very sorry - that made me stop in my tracks I have to admit.  He can wield a cane quite effectively.

WE headed off to the local take away shop all the time he is lecturing me and telling me off.   I am getting mouthy back and attitude which he does not like at all especially when I am in the wrong.   He even threatened to spank me there and then at the takeaway shop.  That brought me up short.  Oh my goodness he would really put me over his knee in public??  What!!!  He wouldnt!!!!   Oh but I think I know deep down he wouldnt hesitate to spank me in public if he thought I deserved and needed it.  At this point I'm finally crying, very sorry for not having brought the soup that he had wanted.  It was no hardship to have done it. I realized that just because I didn't want it, didn't mean he didn't want it and I was being selfish and unfair

We got home and he had dinner.  Things settled down and he hugged me and it seemed to be over.  The next thing I know I'm over his knee, my skirt up and bottom bared and he gives me a hard hand spanking over his knee - just to make sure that next time I do as I am asked and not to get attitude about it when I do disobey and he calls me on it, and to make sure I am aware that he is not kidding, he is in charge, I am to do as I am told or there will be consequences and next time to just ring and ask if he still wanted the soup.

So, yes I was punished but not for what I was expecting.  He told me he knows he is letting the exercise rule slide but only for now.  In fact only this morning he mentioned as the alarm went off that lashes are mounting up so I had better start seriously thinking about my exercise!  Hummmmffff!

Confession - I don't need to confess anymore, I can get myself into trouble perfectly easily without confessing anything! 

And SOUP is now a four letter word in my house!