Tantrums; I hate
them. Especially when it's me having one!
I hate having a
bad attitude no matter the reason. They make me feel distant and disconnected
from Sir.
I hate starting
the day with tantrums and slamming doors and not saying goodbye properly and
nicely.
But despite hating
it, it sill happens.
Despite not
wanting it to happen I still slip up.
Despite all this
time struggling and practising DD I still let old habits take over me every now
and then.
I hate it even
more when Sir lets me get away with this kind of behaviour because it just
spirals and I feel out of control; disconnected; "let go of" as if he doesn't
"have me".
I need him to stop
me in my tracks. A dead stop!
Whether it’s a
"telling off" or a spanking or some other form of punishment. Stop
me! Even if the consequences (whatever they are) are not
immediate, tell me to expect it later in the week when there is time to address
the issue properly!
Sir, bring me back
into your control where I feel safe and warm. I was so rude and hateful
to you this morning, I should never EVER have spoken to you
like that, but I did, nor slammed the door on my way out
but I did and certainly I should not have not said goodbye
to you, but I did. It was rude and very childish
behaviour. I was annoyed and "put out" and that was unreasonable. I am so
sorry. I will try hard not to let it happen again. I deserve to be punished,
please punish me Sir.
Will there be
tears before bedtime? I don't want to endure it. I hate to admit it,
but I hope so: I need it, deserve it.
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Awe Kiwi,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you had such a bad start to the day. Please try not to be hard on yourself. it sounds as though there must have been some stress factor involved.
As hard as it may be, if they decide not to take any action we need to try to trust and accept his decision. He may have sound reasons. That is something I'm trying to come to grips with instead of inwardly questioning why.
((Hugs))
Roz
it was a hard morning - i dont like mornings at the best of times.
DeleteSir is pretty good with consistency...if he says im in trouble I can pretty much rely on him following through. He did last night when I got home from work...no actual tears before bedtime but i did get a paddling...which said paddling is to be continued on sunday apparently!!
So let us know if there were tears before bedtime. It sounds like you need it.
ReplyDeleteFD
hi FD there was no actual tears before bedtime but i did get a paddling - one to be continued at the weekend so he said...thre will be tears then no doubt!
DeleteKiwi, I'm sorry you morning sucked. I think, in general, that mornings are tough. Everyone's on edge and really? Who likes getting up so early? Take it easy. Hopefully there won't be too many tears at bedtime.
ReplyDeleteSee you,
maryanne
Hope things get better
ReplyDeleteOh bless you kiwi, good luck,
ReplyDeletelove,
Jan.xx
Wow, I can really relate to this post. I just started a blog about starting dd, and I really love your blog. I totally get that feeling of needed consequences and consistency. I hope you get what you want/need. :)
ReplyDeleteaww kiwi, this is normal....well however one defines normal lol
ReplyDeleteReally the only solution is talk, talk talk, perhaps ask for more structure, sit and write down maybe in advance (sometimes its easier to write it down, so its fresh in ones head) but be careful not to set standards too high or unrealistic otherwise it will cause more upset if you fail...start small and build up with rules that you would like to have enforced and consequences if you dont meet them...that will build up consistencey.
x
As hard as it is to ask, maybe you should put these thoughts in an email to him and see what happens.
ReplyDeleteGrrrrr im having trouble being able to reply to each comment - sorry guys...ill have to just do a one big reply. Thanks for all your kind words and support.
ReplyDeletethere were no actual tears before bedtime but there was a paddling...to be continued by all accounts...guess there will be tear then...at least i dont have to worry about consistency or lack there of any more :)
I am sorry to be so behind, but I loved what you wrote. It can be so very hard to admit when you're wrong, but even harder to say that you know you deserve a punishments. It is good that he's shown you his intent to have consistency. ;)
ReplyDeleteBetter late than never. For some reason, your blog disappeared from my list and it was only when I saw you posted on another blog roll that I realized it.
ReplyDeleteWe all have our days, I'm sure Sir does once in a while too. Just try to do better tomorrow.