....are words I really, deep down, never thought I would utter. But it's happened. Twice now in two weeks.
It has been a very tumultuous 6 months with our big move. Things have not gone as smoothly as I thought they were going to and I've not been able to blog, Sir has not managed to keep down a job for more than a couple of weeks (his own choosing) which caused an awful lot of trouble in our camp. So much so that I took DD off the table for a while. How could I possibly submit to him when I had lost all respect for him? It didn't feel right, I didn't trust him, how could I trust him to spank me for discipline, for my wrong doings when he couldn't even stick at a job?
Anyway, finally, he has found a job he is really enjoying and I can see him sticking with it. Its such a relief. When I told him that DD was no longer in effect in our relationship I told him that when he got himself another job then it would be back. I would submit.
Needless to say, without DD in our relationship my attitude took a major tumble. I forgot the rules, I lost respect and therefore during arguments, I didn't hold back. I have argued, disobeyed, did what I wanted to basically. Sir has got a good memory.
He reminded me last week that now he has a job, DD is back, so are consequences and I have a lot to answer for.
Gulp! He was right. I did say it would be back when he got a job, and its true I suppose (speaking with my submissive head on) I do have an awful lot to answer for.
So, last Sunday was the first spanking of my life. kind of spanking.
It started with 40 minutes corner time, naked, with panties around my thighs, hands either on my head or behind my back. This is new thing for him to do. Usually, if I get corner time, then its afterwards. But not now. He likes the fact that I am waiting, anxious, thinking about my behaviour, why I am in that corner in the first place.
It seems to work too. At first I feel mad and stubborn, and angry, but as I strip off my clothes its like stripping layers off my emotions. Then with panties around my thighs, I stand there, I usually lean into the corner at first with my forehead resting on my arms, my eyes closed, my behind sticking out slightly and I take deep breaths, just breathing slowly in and out, calming myself. I know what is coming and I know its going to hurt, so I need to feel calm, I think about why I am there, my behaviour, and I start to feel ashamed of myself and I lose the defensiveness. The butterflies start in the pit of my stomach. My heart rates calms but my skin is clammy. As I breath I practice what I am going to say to Sir. We have a little ritual, two little sayings I have to repeat, so I start to practice them in my head, while I'm standing there, naked, nose to the wall, contemplating, I practice my apology, I tell myself to take what is about to come my way, I know I deserve it. I remind myself to breath through it, its meant for my betterment, to make us a better couple. Its done out of love. Its accepted out of love.
And then I hear him coming up the stairs. He stands behind me and runs his hands down my back and my bottom. His fingers slip between my legs and surprisingly I'm so wet. I feel completely dominated just standing in the corner like that, waiting like that. He tells me its what he likes to see, a girl obediently waiting for her punishment.
And then it started. He has a new implement, a new favourite toy, I call it the Bitch. Its a thick wooden paddle about the size of a large wooden hairbrush. Boy oh boy does it hurt. Its really handy for over the knee too, which is a position he has decided he likes very much because basically I am pinned against him and I cant move. Anyway, he orders me to bend over with hands on the bed and not to move, he orders me to spread my legs and he begins, slowly at first. It stings, badly, this new wooden paddle. Its small enough to reach each cheek individually and to reach that spot where your thighs meet your cheeks. The sweet spot? Ouch. One hell of a big ouch actually. He switches implements to his nine tails. And he flogs me across both cheeks, across the thighs, the back, then switches again, slowly but methodically he paddles me .
He is lecturing at the same, time, I have to recite our little sayings over and over. One is much harder to say because it involves me asking to be punished. And he knows that is really hard for me to do. The swats are coming faster and a little harder and the tears start. He reminds me that never again will he put DD on the back burner and I am never to think that I have control ever again. My attitude has been awful and now he is back in charge it will change or I will be suffering a very sore butt very often.
That paddling lasted about 20 minutes when he decided to penetrate me, in places I don't really like, a further show of his dominance. I fully submitted to Sir. Allowing him to pleasure himself, making sure I knew he was the boss, without a shadow of a doubt.
When he was finished he sat down and pulled me across his knee. He pinned me down with his hand and arm on my back and proceeded to really paddle me hard with The Bitch hard, fast and relentless until I was howling and sobbing and begging for mercy begging for forgiveness telling him how sorry I was.
Then it was over. The first ever "spanking of my life" kind of spanking.
We cuddled and he told me he loved me and that he wont ever allow me to have such a bad attitude towards him ever again. I confessed that I don't want him to not be in charge again, it felt wrong, I felt out of control and "let go of" and I didn't like it. I like, love being taken in hand and that's how I want it to stay.
That was two Sundays ago. My butt was sore for the full week.
However, I did not learn my lesson. I was a complete and utter brat on Saturday out in public. I am surprised he managed to contain himself and not spank me there and then in public. Thankfully my guardian angel was watching over me. However, I was on full notice of a very hard paddling for my behaviour to come.
Yesterday was Sunday. And it was that time. He ordered me upstairs to strip and stand in the corner. I did. But an hour later there was still no sign of him. I did the unthinkable. I left the corner, got dressed and came to find him. He was so angry at me. He marched me by the ear right back upstairs and ordered me to strip and put me in the corner again and sat on the bed and watched me standing there, lecturing me about how dare I come out of the corner without permission. The out comes The Bitch once more, again, I'm bent over the bed and paddled hard until the tears come. Then he wants pleasuring, which I do, of course. Then once more over his knee and paddled hard and fast again. My poor backside. Two weeks in a row, paddled hard to tears. Then it was over. I am forgiven, but another new aspect to our DD relationship, I now have lines to do for my bratty behaviour on Saturday.....again another new thing. This time off DD he has been thinking of new things I think.
So on that note, with a sore bottom, I am now off to write 75 lines about not misbehaving in public.
