I'm not crazy...really...well maybe a little..

Well, maybe I am just a little, given my last two posts....and then today I go and place an order for one of these...

 

 

 

and then an order for one of these...

 

 

I'm definitely a bit gaga..

 

 

Taking it easy...but Im still taking it

 

 

There was no trip to the shed last night.  Mainly because I wasn't very well.  I was relieved.  But I would have gone anyway, but I wasn't looking forward to it, not like I usually do.

 

But saying that, spanking did happen.  I got my behind whipped with the belt and with the horse crop - two implements that I can take more easily than anything else.  And he rubbed in between, he placed his hand on my back and held me...just that touching helped immensely.  He took his time, he was gentler than normal...and in doing all of that, I was able to last longer. 

 

I wrote my last post feeling very raw and emotional.   A year ago I could take a harsh punishment.  As much as sir wanted to give me.  Nowadays it seems I've turned into a wimp...for whatever reason.  I want to get back to where I was with Sir, being able to take whatever he wanted to dish out.  This wimpiness frustrates Him and me.

 

I think he is quite right not to let me have a safe word because I think I would misuse it.  He knows me well.  He prefers to read me and stop when he feels I have had enough.  Usually, by the time the tears come and I'm saying please no more, he does stop - not immediately - but after a few more strokes he stops.  I think that's his way of controlling it, in his mind He gets to say when its over with, not me.  After all its a punishment.  Not play.  And for the most part i do agree with him.  A secret part of me afterwards likes the fact that he doesn't stop as soon as I ask him.  I mean, what kind of Dom would that make him....not one for me.  BUT  we have to find a balance.

 

We talked a bit over the weekend.  I tried to explain to him that I WANT to get back to where we were.  I WANT to be able to take what he wants to give me.  But I need his help to get me there, I need the touching in between strokes, I need the hand placed on my back, I need his words of encouragement.  I think he got it.  I hope he got it.  I think he got it.

 

I got another spanking a couple of hours ago.  He took me up to the shed, bent me over and got out his wooden paddle and began over my trousers, then he took them down and paddled some more.  He took it easy.  It hurt.  Yes.  But I took it.  He also let me have the control to say when it was over.  Not so sure that is such a good thing, but for now, for today, I liked it.  But I don't want that control all the time. 

 

So for now, Sir is taking it easier, but I'm still taking it.

 

 

Tips for Tops from a bottom's "very recently punished" pov

Don’t send a bottom to bed after a thrashing without cuddles and after care if you come to her an hour later wanting a blow job and expect a brilliant job.

If your bottom’s bedtime is 10.30 pm sharp, don’t take her out to the shed for her weekly maintenance/punishment catch up at 10.15 pm and expect her to be up at 5 am the next morning to do her “set without exception or else” exercises.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If your bottom is sobbing her heart out begging you to stop, listen to her despite knowing the thrashing is not as hard as she can usually take…her pain tolerance right then may just be a little lower for a reason.  Maybe she has learned her lesson quickly for a change.

 

 

Let your bottom have a “safe-word” if its ill-used then you can always punish for that.  But trust your bottom to use the privilege of a safe word correctly.

 

 

 

Encourage her during a punishment, touch her, speak kindly to her even though it’s a punishment, even though you are making a point, even if you might be mad at her; tell her to breathe; hold her hand, rub her back; place a hand on her back to keep her in position; rub her bottom between strokes; remind her of why she is being punished.  She needs to feel you are there with her.  Give her confidence that you know she can take the punishment.

 

 

Lecture before punishing.  The lecture helps get your bottom in the right mind set – especially when it’s been a week since the infraction and so the seriousness of the infraction has lost of lot of momentum.

 

If your bottom is shaking, crying, dripping sweat and constantly jumping out of position; or perhaps starts to get really mad and frustrated at you for the spanking, you have lost her, she has lost her submissiveness and the “panic” has set it.  She needs time out from the spanking – she is at her limit.  Perhaps a corner time and definitely some words of encouragement that she can take the punishment, that it’s for her own good andhel her find her true submissiveness once more,  then back to the spanking.

 

Most of all, HUG her afterward.  Hug her tight, tell her you love her and that all is forgiven.

 

Bring her back to the submission and calm and obedience she craves.

 

 

 

Anticipating a spanking..

It's the hardest thing in the world I think, to wait for a punishment. The time could be used to my advantage to "prepare" myself, to try to find that submissive mindset so that when the time comes, I can go willingly to show my respect and my acknowledgement of what I have done wrong and to show how sorry I am and perhaps to change my behaviour between the time of committing the office to the time of the punishment to show Sir that I do want to change and am trying to change and how very sorry I am for the misbehaviour in the first place. In an ideal world right? LOL. I wish I could. But no. What do I do? I get myself into more trouble. Tuesday I fought with Little Miss. It's a big no-no rule for me. Yes, I can issue rules for her. I can insist she follow them, but I am not allowed to lose my cool with her. She knows which buttons to press and oh boy did she press them on Tuesday night. I told Sir about it and he declared I would be punished for it on Sunday, in the shed.   Wednesday was a holiday here for us. I planned for a nice day, to put the night before behind me until I HAD to face it on Sunday - Sunday is a long way off. Ha!! NO such luck. I woke up in a bad mood, and I ended up being a complete bitch, to Sir and to Little Miss (though with her it was provoked as usual but again I lost my cool). I was awful. My attitude was disrespectful, disobedient, cheeky to the point of sticking out my tongue to Sir when he was telling me off over something. I give him credit, he gave me chance after chance to pull myself together. Did I take it? No! What did I do? I mimicked him when he was lecturing me and then poked out my tongue! Not a wise move! I think I may have a death wish. Unfortunately for Sir (but fortunately for me) I managed to escape an immediate trip to the shed last night before bedtime. He developed a headache and so its been put off until Sunday. I hate this. I hate waiting for punishments. For something serious like this at any rate. Missing a glass of milk...well, hardly the end of the world despite being a direct rule break..he will punish for that but not quite as severely. But for such a bad horrible attitude - well. I'm for the high jump and the anticipation of it is killing me. He lectured me last night about it after I had apologised for being such a bitchy cow yesterday. He warned me to be prepared for Sunday because he will be strict.                 He requested yesterday that I place an order with our favourite implement supplier. He wants a Delrin Rug Beater. I had a look...all I will say is  "g u l p" (anyone used one before?) I have those butterflies of anticipation already in the pit of my stomach - but not the nice ones. I know I deserve what is coming. I know that. I pray to the Goddess of Submission to give me the grace to accept my punishment well and to stay in position....because even though I know it, accepting it with grace and humility is not the easiest thing in the world is it? Wish me luck. I'll let you know how I get on.