A turn to the dark side.

Friday 14^th October

I don’t know how else to express my thoughts today except to say that I think our DD relationship has taken a slight turn to towards the dark side.  I am a little worried, not scared but just a little worried.

Let me explain.  Last night was meant to be motivation for exercise this morning.  (On a lighter note, how do you like the irony of this?  We were sat on the couch early evening yesterday and he decides its time I went over his knee for a spanking – a warm up to motivation he was planning on giving me.  Poor man doesn’t like his hand being hurt so he picks up the remote control for the TV and spanks me with that – ouch it hurt – it has a nasty sting to it.  Unfortunately it didn’t like that sort of action  and now doesn’t work – and it’s the only way we can change the channel on the TV so now I can’t do my exercise – well at least until its fixed or we get a new one).

*Kiwi is doing her happy dance*

Of course, I was suitably distressed and upset this morning when I told him *secret evil laugh* ha-ha hehe

Anyway, back to last night.  Yes, well things turned a whole lot worse for my bottom.  If I say the cane, the paddle, bare backside and a kitchen bench, you will get my drift.  I am so sore today, sitting in my car at lunchtime after the sun had warmed the seat during the morning was making my butt even more sore.  But then I suppose that is also the culmination of a whole week of spanking – yes he has read my wish list and has done his best to complete a few of them.  A whole week of spanking being one. 

I am a little concerned though after last night, things were a lot rougher than usual.  Well rougher is the wrong word, really.  Let me explain.  He was talking other things like nipple clamps and restraints, and the spanking was harder than I expected for motivation.  I get the whole BDSM thing I really do and if he wants to try it, then who I am to say no, not after he has listened to me about my desire and need for DD and has done his best to do it.  I don’t mind playing around with spanking as foreplay before sex either.  But I really don’t want DD to stop either. 

I’m concerned that he might think that this is all it is just, sex games.  I’m now worried that the DD aspect will slide.  I still want the real punishment for things I do wrong like Sunday in the bathroom and Tuesday night after my bath.   

Today will be a test.  I’m going to be in a situation where I'm going to have be on my best behaviour despite a very high possibility of extreme provocation to be otherwise.   If I give into temptation and misbehave in a way that will anger him - will he punish me when we get home?  Who knows?  I would like to think he would do.  I’m going to try my best not to put him in that situation.  I will try my very best to hold my tongue – but everyone has limits. 

Anyway, something for me to think about and I guess another talk with him, just to put my mind at rest at least.  If he wants to try a bit more of BDSM then I’m all for it, I just don’t want the serious side of our DD relationship to fall by the way side.