TTWD - This thing I do

Friday 28th October 2011

TTWD.  Or should it be this thing I do.

I feel totally confused and I admit I am ready to give it up 

It’s my own fault. 

I don’t communicate well. 

TTWD should be simple, it really should be

Set rules

Set consequences for breaking rules

HOH follows through with said consequences when said rule is broken.

A "just because spanking" once a week just to reconnect, reset and remind me to behave and remind me hubby is boss - and because I like them.

Easy? 

Simple? 

Yeah right!

I broke a rule this week.  I broke the budget rule.  This is only the second time since it was set.  The first time I broke it he gave me incentive enough with the cane that very night to do my very best to stick to it.  I have done so well since.  But this week I lapsed.  NO excuses - I just wasn’t paying attention.  He said I deserve a spanking for it.  Yes I know.  Did he spank me?  No. 

I swallowed my pride and emailed him yesterday saying that I agree with him I deserve said spanking and asked him was he going to do it?  He didn’t read it until this morning.  He just read it out loud and then said nothing else.  It made me feel about an inch tall.  Maybe that is my punishment.

I thought the book would create a framework.  Oh I can’t complain every second weekend he goes through it and gives me accountability.  He has been so good with doing that not even needing a reminder or me asking him if he wanted to do it.  He just tells me tonight is the night.    But it’s the delay factor that is causing my angst I think.  There are reasons we set rules and so there are consequences if they are broken.  Difficulties occur and so the rules are set to avoid those difficulties, to make life a little easier within our home.  By the time I get the accountability, it seems to have little effect. 

I think there are certain things that can wait to the end of the week.  For example, one rule is to exercise three times a week.  That accountability could wait until Sunday – because who knows there might be a miracle happening and I could get it all done by Sunday.  The same with weekly weight loss – that can only be done once a week (or fortnightly depending on how often the weigh in is).

Whereas shopping night is a set night with a set rule – if I break that rule it should be punished straight away to avoid the same mistake being made the next week – to encourage and remind me to stick to the rule as its set for a specific reason.

I think disobedience is another rule that needs to be punished straight away and not kept for the weekend accountability.  For example when I let my mouth run off the other weekend when provoked by someone – I was implicitly told not to do that – and I disobeyed.  I was punished for it but not straight away – it went in the book and was “counted up” at the next accountability. 

I’m confused and I don’t really know what to do next.  WE have a one off night alone tonight so I have to swallow my pride again and talk to him.  No matter how difficult it is and no matter how I may stumble on my words.  I need to talk to him, see how he is feeling with ttwd, ask him if we can tweak things a little bit. 

Here's hoping.