Time spent waiting...what's a girl to think about?

Friday 10th February 2012

Because I am currently contemplating a punishment tonight, it’s got this girl to thinking a bit more.  Time spent waiting for a spanking (or any other punishment, if you like – not that I have much experience with other forms of punishment except for the chess game couple of weeks ago) - what is a girl to think about.  I don’t know about anyone else, but when I get into trouble, most of the time the lack of privacy prevents Sir from giving me an immediate, immediate spanking (which I would by far prefer).  So, usually, I have to wait until bedtime or the next day (or as earlier on in our journey until the end of the week – which was torture mind you and I never want to go back to that)

If we are out and about and he has had enough of my “cheek” or “attitude” then he tells me as we are driving around:

“That’s it, I’ve had enough, you are so going to get it when we get home, woman” and I have to wait until we get home, and then he sits and has a cuppa  first and then its like “Go to the room” and then he usually leads me by the arm and away we go.

At home, I do something wrong he will give me a warning first something along the lines of “You are sailing close the wind woman” and if I don’t heed that warning he will say something like “Wait till bedtime” or he gives me “that look” and I ask “Am I in trouble” and he will reply something along the lines of “You know it”

And then I have to wait for sometimes a couple or more hours, until the kids are asleep and it’s our “bedtime”.

I wonder what he thinks about during that time.

I know what I’m thinking about.  The upcoming spanking is in the forefront of my mind.  As soon as it’s put out there, it’s there in my head. 

Mind you, as a spanko I often think about spanking – the nice pleasant kind.  Not the punishment kind.  If it were a playful sexy spanking coming up I would get those tingly butterflies, a slight blush to my cheeks, I’d be happy and excitable and bubbly.  When a punishment spanking is looming I get the nervous type of butterflies, a sinking feeling in my stomach (like right now because of what is looming tonight).  I get a blush to the cheeks but it’s not my face (well, afterwards anyway lol) I don’t like punishments.  I don’t like disappointing Sir.  But I do like the feeling afterwards, that all is forgiven and forgotten.    Afterwards I think about how loved and secure and cared for I feel.

Sir carries on like normal, as if nothing has happened.  He talks his talk, about the news, about his day, about the kids, about politics or whatever is on his mind.  Never about what is going to happen. 

Whereas, for me, it’s on my mind.  The moment I’m told.  I think about it constantly.  My stomach churns and the butterflies start.  My mouth gets a little dry.  I can’t concentrate on anything he is saying, I get a little nervous and fidgety.  I jump up and down doing things, making a cup of tea, washing the odd dish, doing this that or the other.  I will go to do something and then forget what it is I am doing because THE spanking is on my mind.  I will be about to say something to him and then forget what it is I was about to say because THE spanking is on my mind.  I wonder what he is thinking about, even to this day I still wonder if he thinks I’m just a little crazy or weird for needing this discipline.  I think about what implement he will use, the position he will want me in.  Whether he will warm up first or just get straight down to business.   Whether it will be through clothes or whether he will make me strip naked.  I wonder if he will forget (not usually these days). I wonder what (if anything) he will say to me first.  In fact most of the time sometimes I silently wish he would lecture me first, make me stand and face the wall, or tell me to go the room and get into position and then leave me there waiting.  Tell me off properly first or during.  I wish he would make me talk “during” the spanking (I can hear a voice in my head saying be careful what you wish for – this facing the wall for 10 minutes and talking during the spanking actually happened on Sunday,  remember the words  “thank you Sir”)

But I don’t think about my crime.  Not before anyway.  That is usually during and after. Usually to start off with I’m thinking

“ow this bloody hurts”

“ how long will it last”

“How many more, wish he would tell me how many I’m getting”

Then I start to think:

“I’m sorry”

“This is not worth it”

“Please stop, Ill be good”

“I promise I wont do it again"

“I’m REALLY sorry”

And then I’m saying:

“Thank you Sir”

Then afterwards as he is holding me and soothing me I’m thinking how sorry I am and how determined I am not to do it again and how much I love this man and how much I respect him and how secure and cared for I feel.

Right now, I’m thinking all of the above BUT also how much easier it would have been to just swim another 25 laps - kids and the big oaf of a HOH and all……does this mean I'm learning...maybe?  Perhaps?  Even if its just slowly?  I hope so.