On obedience dilemma

Monday 27th February 2012

Things are on track, His HOH boots are well and truly in place on his feet and kicking me in the A$$ as and when he needs to.  I am happy and content.  He is happy and content. Our home is happy and content.

Even maintenance is going well.  Despite a flu bug and a little tummy upset Sir insisted we do maintenance last night, I got the paddle and two tails and it included corner time again.  I love how corner time makes me feel his dominance, standing there sniffling, bottom on fire and shifting from foot to foot waiting to be released.   

The whole thing is working.  I feel so submissive.  He set me a new rule last week.  A new handbag! 

Yes I know, this may not sound like a rule or a chore to have a new hand bag.  On face on the face of it, it sounds like a reward.  NO SUCH LUCK.  I love my handbag, it fits in EVERYTHING.  This new rule followed a thrashing with two tails and my first ever corner time last week because I broke my cell phone rule.  I missed two calls from him while my phone was buried at the bottom of my rather oversized handbag.  I didn’t have to buy a new bag; I had one which I thought might be suitable.  So yesterday afternoon, sitting quietly on the bed, I began the tedious task of sorting through my old handbag *sob sob*, and filling up my new handbag.  It’s the size of a clutch bag with a little strap to hold.  It will hold my car keys, ironically my cell phone (hahaha) a tiny little money purse (Sir tells me it’s all I need as I don’t have the cash card or credit cards anyway).  It holds a little bit of cash and my drivers licence – the purse that is) oh and a lipstick!  So you can imagine the size of this new handbag.  He is highly impressed with it.  I feel lost.  He very much approves.  I left the house this morning saying it felt like I had left something behind.  He just laughed his big hearty laugh.

Now we all know the meaning of to submit – it’s to obey – and that’s what we all strive to do.  On the face of it it’s a good thing.  But what to do when you know doing something is right even though it’s an act of disobedience which is the complete opposite of being submissive.

I have that dilemma and I have about 24 hours to decide what to do. 

Over the last 12 months I have gained all the weight AND I MEAN ALL of the weight I have lost over the last couple of years.  No wonder I am feeling tired and listless.  My joints ache.  My feet are sore at the end of the day.  I have a jelly belly which I just can’t stand anymore.  I have no motivation to exercise.    I jumped on some scales on Friday at a medical appointment and I was aghast at the result.

I know exactly what I need to do.

Weight Watchers.

I love weight watchers.  It can work so well for me when I am in the right frame of mind.   I am in the right frame of mind.

BUT I have been forbidden from joining.  I have been told that it’s a waste of $20 a week when I can do it myself.  He can weigh me and I can face the consequences if I don’t lose.  “Well s’cuse me Sir but haven’t we been doing that for the last month and well correct me if I am wrong oh mighty Sir who is never wrong, but its not worked”. 

No, I didn’t say that out loud of course, but it’s true.  It hasn’t worked.  AND I know WW will work. 

But he forbade me.

He has threatened me if I do join then to expect white tail *shudder*.   I have told him regardless I am joining WW this week.  He shrugged his shoulders and said so be it.

I have three options.

1.  

I can obey and not join and struggle “on my own” to lose weight and in the end fail.

Or

2. 

I can instigate my plan.  Yes,  I have a plan.

A very devious plan.

They have an express meeting at 5pm midweek.  5pm is when I leave work.  I can pop along to the meeting get weighed, get my booklets for the week and be on my way.  I will only be 10 minutes late from work.  He doesn’t micromanage me to the extent he would question the time I got in from work.  I could carry on going weekly for a while until there is some loss, some good progress and then tell him.  How could he be mad at me if there is progress, if he can see it working?

Or

3.  

Just go and sign up and then tell him when I get home afterwards.  I will submit to a spanking – after the fact - offer myself up so to speak – he said no and I disobeyed and that in itself is a spankable offence but I know in the long run the results will be far greater.  I am not being disobedient for the sake of it. 

He can even hold me accountable for any week I don’t lose and *waste* the $20 weekly fee if he wants to of course.    Oh gosh, white tail – I feel sick already.  I know how he thinks….20 strikes for the wasted $20 urgghhhh!

Even though this is a blatant act of disobedience, in the long run he will enjoy and appreciate the results.  Even if I do end up being spanked for the initial act of disobedience, it will be worth it.

How do we balance the dilemma within ourselves?  When we know a particular action is right but the act itself is an act of disobedience. 

I know what I must do to submit.  BUT on the other hand, I know what the best thing is for me to do to lose the weight I really must lose.  How can I balance the two?  Do I just obey and face the weight gain consequences or do I disobey (not for the sake of being disobedient or willful but for the betterment of me physically and mentally) and face the possible initial consequence of the disobedience but then to enjoy the far greater consequences and rewards of the weight loss I know I will achieve.

I think I have my answer.  Option number 3.  I will sign up tomorrow night, but I will “confess” when I get home and the rest is up to Sir.