Thursday, 16 February 2012

Dear Sir,

Friday 17th February 2012

My Dearest Sir,

I have loved how you have been so consistent with me just recently.  You have really stepped it up and made me feel secure, loved and protected, even comforted.  It, you, have been amazing.  You are my rock.  When you are consistent, following through, dominant, I am happy, content, fulfilled.  I simply love your dominance over me. 

I am struggling today with my emotions.  The last couple of days I have not been on my best behaviour and you have let things slide.  I know it’s your decision to and I know I have to accept that decision and submit to it. But when you do let things slide like certain rule breaking I feel very unsettled.  Especially when nothing is said at all.  So I have a suggestion.  If you decide that my action does not warrant a spanking or punishment, instead of just ignoring it, maybe you could still lecture me about it, acknowledge it in some way and then tell me you have decided to give me a chance, a warning per say.  How does that sound?  Does it seem like something we could do?

I realize I am in trouble today already (or at least I should be).  For one I didn’t hand over the cash card to you last night and I forgot this morning and so I still have it.  And from what you said to me on the phone already this morning, I do know you are not happy about it.  Rightly so! I AM sorry Sir.  The second rule I have broken this morning is my phone rule.  You had to ring me 4 times before you reached me. 

But I have another confession to make.  Yesterday I bought sushi for lunch without asking you first.  I did write it in my book although I didn’t actually tell you.  Perhaps reading my book on a nightly basis, just a quick glance each night before sleep you can decide if there is anything in there that needs “dealing” with from the day.   That would so help with the immediate consequences in my very humble opinion. 

So I know I have to face the consequences for the first two offences but I feel quite guilty over my lunch yesterday to be perfectly honest.

Please don’t stop with the consistency and immediate consequences.  When you caned me on Tuesday morning before work you asked after ward was I still loving it.  I am Sir, I always will.  Your actions towards me show me that you care and love me and want to protect me.  I feel so secure.  I feel as though I could lean my whole body on you and I wouldn’t fall over because you are there next to me, standing solid and firm.  You are my rock.  And in the immortal words of Whitney Houston "I will always love you"

Me xxx
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22 comments:

  1. dancingbarez16 February 2012 at 14:00

    Kiwi, I am happy for you that you got it all out there. I hope you get what you need to feel better.

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    1. kiwigirliegirl16 February 2012 at 15:02

      Dancingbarez, thank you, Im sure I will. I emailed him my confession and asked if i was in trouble...that will get him thinking :)

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  2. Dee16 February 2012 at 14:10

    A heartfelt letter Kiwi. Can I ask about the sushi though? Why do you feel guilty about that or am I being thick lol?

    Dee x

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    1. kiwigirliegirl16 February 2012 at 15:03

      Hi Dee, yeah sushi is really good and healthy but Im not supposed to buy my own lunch without asking first, and sushi is expensive. he wont be mad at me getting sushi but annoyed that i did it without asking first....and i spent $15 on lunch just for me :| Im not supposed to and especially as the day before I went to lunch with the girls from work too :(

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  3. Riley16 February 2012 at 14:25

    What a great letter, Kiwi. Will you show it to him? I think it's great that you were able to admit your faults and recognize you need to be held accountable for them.

    And I'm with Dee, what's wrong with sushi?

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    1. kiwigirliegirl16 February 2012 at 15:06

      Hi Riley, no i probably wont show it to him, but i have emailed him my confession and asked if i am in trouble. I have also suggested that he start reading my book on a daily basis to check if anything needs to be dealt with that night....so who knows.
      NOthing wrong with sushi, just i bought it withough asking first....im not supposed to buy my lunch - im supposed to make it and bring it in. And the day before i went to lunch with the girls as well...so ive gone way over my budget this week for lunchs :( not good.

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    2. Riley17 February 2012 at 09:40

      Ohh I see! I thought maybe sushi wasn't diet food (cuz I know he's adamant about exercise!) but then I was thinking there really isn't that much rice in sushi so...

      I think it would be great if he read your book. I know for me it's very helpful to get my thoughts out in writing; I'm more organized and it also keeps me honest to have Cael read it because I can't distort anything or he'll know! It's also helpful because sometimes I perceive things differently than he does and when he reads what I write (especially in a situation where I am upset or I think he did xyz or I did xyz), he'll tell me how his viewpoint differed. It facilitates communication for sure!

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  4. Anonymous16 February 2012 at 15:38

    This is a great letter Kiwi. I hope he responds in a positive way to it.

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    1. kiwigirliegirl16 February 2012 at 16:37

      Hi Grace, thank you, he probably would respond in a good positive way if he gets to read it, which is probably not. I may email snippits from it.
      love and hugs kiwixxx

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    2. Anonymous16 February 2012 at 16:50

      Kiwi, I'm confused...why not email the whole thing to him?

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  5. Stormy16 February 2012 at 16:31

    Hmmm, that's great. Just think if he could read it somewhere...say....THIS BLOG?


    Nah, too crazy ;) Might make your feelings too clear and too known to him.


    You know, I do think it's really well written and very logical (warnings or lecture when he chooses not to discipline) and I hope he gets to read it.


    Kiwi, when I knew in my heart that I needed, no I MUST show my husband my blog..I didn't know if I could ever follow through. So I posted about it and used my readers to fuel the fire, to provide just a tiny bit of accountability.

    It was just enough of a push to get brave and just do it.

    Your blog is a tool in this journey, but while it's secret it's full of untapped potential for deeper intimacy and unveiling of your mind and heart.


    It's a sincere sweet whisper but so quiet he will never hear it unless you choose to bend to his waiting ear.


    Share your blog.


    I know it's hard because I have walked the walk- but I wouldn't change a thing :)

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    1. kiwigirliegirl16 February 2012 at 16:39

      LOL stormy, i do luv ya girl :) I know you are right, when the time is right i will show him the blog.....lord have mercy on my butt.... I will talk to him about what i said in this post though, thats for sure. thank you for your support thougb :) i do appreciate your thoughts and advice :)
      love and hugs kiwi xxx

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  6. Susie17 February 2012 at 04:29

    Good...I'm glad you are going to tell him these things...otherwise I was gonna pull a Stormy on you. I see she already took care of it. :}

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    1. kiwigirliegirl19 February 2012 at 17:43

      Hi Susie, i had good intentions, but me telling him never happened....awful weekend to be honest...and DD has come to a dead stop!

      Delete
  7. Christina17 February 2012 at 08:42

    I agree with Susie, and since Stormy said it all, I'll just say DITTO! Lovely letter and I hope he responds well to it!

    Now I'm going to prove I'm not a robot and type 2 words I can barely see - LOL

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    1. kiwigirliegirl19 February 2012 at 17:45

      Hi Christina, thank you but i didnt end up telling him any of it so he hasnt responded at all :( It was not a pleasant weekend for one thing and another and I feel bullied which has thrown me. For now DD has come to a blinding stop....not sure where to go from here.
      AND im glad im not the other one with issues over the two word thing with blogger grrr
      xx

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  8. Brooke17 February 2012 at 16:00

    Consistency is key, and I think the way you write about it soooo true. I totally know how you feel about breaking rules not being acknowledged and feeling kinda "out of whack" about it. (No pun intended :p) Glad you shared it with him and I hope you get what you need. :)

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    1. kiwigirliegirl19 February 2012 at 17:46

      thank you :) i didnt share it with him in the end, maybe soon, maybe not, depends on tonight. Horrible weekend, and i was so badly behaved yesterday with his ex gf so i have a heafty punishment due (i suppsoe) but i dont really think its fair....so who knows.
      xxx

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  9. Lea17 February 2012 at 22:13

    Issues with consistency can be frustrating. I hope you're able to share all these feelings with him, even if it's not by having him read this exact post.

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    1. kiwigirliegirl19 February 2012 at 17:48

      Hi lea, yes they are, especially when you think you are through the worst. *Sigh*. Maybe im too controlling in it all and need to let it go and just go with the flow. I didnt share it with him and right now i want dd to stop altogether becasue Im feeling bullied. He is on a power trip :( and im not at all sure how to handle it.
      we will see.
      xxx

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  10. Florida Dom19 February 2012 at 05:09

    Let's hope he becomes more consistent. It's a common complaint by subs that the Dom in their life lets things slide. He may think he's being nice to you but he is confusing you. You need to know he cares and will demand that you follow his lead. Let's hope he realizes that he needs to hold you accountable. And $15 for lunch is something he should address. Good luck.

    FD

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    1. kiwigirliegirl19 February 2012 at 17:49

      yes, i hope so too Florida Dom. thank you. Im very confused and its not helping that im feeling bullied too :( so right now even though i have things to account for for last week, and over the weekend - especially yesterday - horrid behaviour, i want it to just stop. dont know what to do.
      xxx

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