This is a really quick, short post just to let you all know that I did in deed confess last night. I had emailed him during the day something along the lines of My hypothetical question, wasn't. I did do something, a rash, perhaps slightly rebellious decision, something I know you don't want me to do, I hinted at it, you asked me what did i do and then I lied to you. I have sent this so that I cant chicken out of telling you tonight. Please remember that I love you
He seemed really relaxed when I got home, we unloaded the shopping (which even with an extended budget I stayed within - its amazing what wonders that cane can do). Anyway, we had dinner and then he said, Oh look at this email...showed me ...it wasn't mine. Then he got stern and said oh and yes look at this one....mine...
"spill it now!"
So I stuttered and stammered my way through my explanation.
I was stunned, shocked, perhaps even slightly disappointed. He said OK then and then that was it. No punishment, no telling off, no lecture, nothing. We carried on with our evening as if nothing had happened. We headed to bed and I asked him if I could safely assume I wasn't in trouble, he hugged me and said no I wasn't in trouble.
And that was it.
I don't know what to make of it to be honest. Is it something he really has forgiven and forgotten about, or is this something he may just keep in the back of his mind and all of sudden next time I do get punished for something, he will bring this up and punish me then - so unfair.
Anyway, its his decision to punish or not. He decided this time around not to. I should count my lucky stars really, he was lenient. Perhaps he shouldn't have been, but he was. His decision to make, regardless of how I feel about it. I do feel a bit confused, perhaps a little disappointed that he didn't hold me accountable, maybe slightly anxious that this is another little slide backwards..... its probably not, so I am going to go with it.
I will be sure to let you know if it comes back to bite me in the bum at a later stage.
Daddy doesn't really punish me either, kiwigirl! I mean, he doesn't use spankings as a punishment hardly ever so basically he doesn't. I'm confused, too. Why are men so hard to understand, lol?
ReplyDeleteKitty
P.S. I think lying to him was something for him to be upset about, but there you go. I'm not your husband and I'm sure not a man;)!
I can’t read his mind but do you thing that maybe the worry and confession were enough for him? When I confess sometimes I get a hall pass and sometimes I get a mild punishment. It is never as bad as it would have been if he found out that hid something from him.
ReplyDeleteI think...at least, I am hoping, that he decided as you told him before you got found out, and by the stuttering he knew how bad you felt already, he decided you had punished yourself enough? After all, you HAVE been dying a thousand deaths since you did it, lol.
ReplyDeleteMaybe he appreciated your honesty? It goes a long way, you know. You trusted him by telling him...that he would be fair, and he was...so confirming your trust.
He hugged you, and said you weren't in trouble. SO, if he is a good HOH, you aren't in trouble. He shouldnt bring it up later, not to punish, anyway. That definitely WOULD send wrong signals.
But, if you are confused, I don't see anything disrespectful in asking him what made him come to that decision?
TTWD is ALL ABOUT COMMUNICATION, not psychic powers, not guesswork.
There is nothing disrespectful in asking him about stuff you don't understand, are upset or confused about, or that you disagree with....as long as you are not angry, sarcastic, rude, or critical.
It helps you to grow in TTWD together, and in the same direction.
Be glad he went light on you, and ask him why. You could do it playfully...like, "do you know I have been panicking about this since I did it? I thought you would KILL me; I almost wrote out my will!!!
I'm so glad to get out alive, but can you explain why you have been so nice and calm about it? I'm confused!"
Anyway, YAYYYYYYYYYY, I for one am VERY pleased you are not writing standing up!!!! xxxxxxxxx
I am also thinking the leniency is due to you confessing and trying to be honest when it was difficult. At least, I hope! It's like a reward to get you to behave more to his expectations.
ReplyDeleteI think, unless a husband just wants to punish for the sake of punishment, the fact that you caught yourself, realized it was wrong, decided to cancel the card and then confessed, made it clear that his intent to be fiscally responsible was honored. Everybody makes mistakes, but you recognized and fixed yours! I am so glad you decided to be honest with him! Sara
ReplyDeleteI understand you're being a little confused. But you've made a commitment to let him lead and you have to leave it to him. You were right to fess up.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
PK
Good for you!!! That's hard to do, especially when you aren't sure how he will react. I suppose in the end it is up to them if they will discipline. I wonder if he chose not to punish because you came clean, confessed and he didn't want to discourage you.
ReplyDeleteKITTY: My hubby does spank me for punishment so yes i was expecting a major one. I didnt really expect him not to. It was a surprise.
ReplyDeleteDR: maybe, Id like to think you are right. Id hate to think it was another speed bump.
DC: Maybe, lets hope you are right in all respects. I think maybe because in my email id asked for tulips on my grave right at the very end he figured I was expecting a serious punishment and was very worried about it. I may bring up the subject tonight and ask him why he decided not to do anything and casualy mention that I hope its not going to be one that is "accrued"! If so then Id rather it be done straight away.
LEA: Thanks - i hope so.
SARA: Yes, Im glad i owned up too. Thought if i hadnt emailed him before I got home I dont know if I would have done.
PK: Thanks :) I know you are right.
SUSIE" thank you, it was hard yet. I hope you are right.
First, I'm noticing there's another Lea. Trippy... Lol. I don't think that he will hold it against you to use later if he said it was okay. I agree with Daisychain that if he could tell you were truly sorry and you corrected the problem yourself in addition to confessing it, that may have seemed like enough. Don't be suspicious, just be happy you aren't meeting with that cane again! :-)
ReplyDeleteHi Lea - yeah I noticed too - at first i thought you had changed your little pic - glad you havent i like your little pic :)
ReplyDeleteand if i have not already said so - welcome Lea #2 :)
I hope he doesnt hold it against me. Not sure what to do - conflicting advice as to whether to mention it to him tonight as to why he didnt punish as I was expecting - i hope you are right that he just thought id punished myself enough.
I am happy im not meeting with the cane again - but its been a little while now since my last "serious" talk with the thing - im pretty scared that the next time I do then its going to be really hard to take.....id just better behave.
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ReplyDeletekiwi my friend, i have too much to say to write here *LOL*
ReplyDeleteSecondly do not give a rats ass about what above troll says!
Kiwi,
ReplyDeleteI sincerely appologize to you for my comment which in respect for you has been deleted by me.
A big sigh of relief going out to you. You did the right thing by confessing, and yes, the option to punish or not is still his. Good for both of you!!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Hermione
Kiwi, hun, can't you arrange your blog to approve of comments before allowing them to show? There are some people in our midst who definitely do not belong. Mischiefmakers and ignorant rude offensive messages should be trashed, as they have no place in our spankoland. I am sure we can all recognise them. They are SAD people who are clearly unhappy or they would not spend their time knocking others. Happy people want everyone to be happy. Its only saddos who want to cause upset to others to make themselves feel better. Pity them, and delete them, and don't give it another thought. xxxxxxxxxx
ReplyDeleteLOL: why do YOU read it then if it bothers you so much??
ReplyDeleteLOL,
ReplyDeleteEven if what you say about kiwigirl is true, and I don't think it's a fair or accurate representation, BUT, even if it was true, attacking her does nothing to help the situation.
If you really cared about her, you'd not write such mean things.
Kitty
JOEYRED: Why did you delete your comment? was it not very nice? If you have something constructive to say or advice to give Im all ears :)
ReplyDeleteHERMIONE: yup I did....thank you... i felt better.
DAISYCHAIN: LOL's comments came in overnight and I have only just seen them. I am going to look into rearranging my blog to either block or unfortanately set it up so i approve comments before they are posts - sorry :( meantime i have deleted what he/she/it said. Thanks :)
SWEETGIRL: I already asked it that question - she must be missing something in her relationship so is looking here...
KITTY: thank you. What LOL said is just rubbish. I have deleted her comments and am looking into changing the set up.
Thanks everyone.
Dear kiwi,
ReplyDeleteI thought that the comment from sweetgirl referred to me. I said that your husband really loved you and understood you and wanted to reward you for your honesty with him.
joey
I agree with sweetgirl regarding the nasty comment from LOL. It was awful.
Hi JOEY
ReplyDeletethank you, thats a very sweet comment :) he may have wanted to reward me for honesty the night i confessed - he changed his mind last night and decided a does of teh paddle really was in order - ouchie!!! lol *sigh* i should behave myself
And yes the comment from LOL was horrible but its like water off a ducks back - she has no idea of who i am, my family nor the dymanic in my relationshp - she has no authority whatsoever to make such comments.
oh Joey i'm so sorry! No i was not referring to your comment at all! I'm sorry i was unclear -i thought your comment was really good! Will you please reconsider re-posting it?
ReplyDeleteAgain, I'm sorry about the confusion, I should learn to be clearer.
/Sweet girl
I'm with Sara~ you recognized and fixed your mistake, you honored his rule... that's the point of it all really. And kudos for being honest! That is HUGE!!
ReplyDeleteGood for you! You inspire those of us who are not brave..lol.
ReplyDeleteCANDY: thank you. Honesty is always the best policy. I dont tend to lie im not really a dishonest person but I do have a tendacny not to tell the whole truth - something that i think DD will help me with. And its like a switch has been turned on, I just cant not tell him - eventually :)
ReplyDeleteSTORMY: thank you :) am i brave or do i have a death wish???? hehehe...