A prolonged hard spanking.....

……is what I am in need of.

I have been writing every day in my little exercise book of all the things I think I have done wrong, and there are plenty.  So far there hasn’t been a day that I haven’t broken a rule.  Whether it be just one rule or 5 or 6. 

He hasn’t looked at it yet – that I am aware of.  But I have make allowances for the fact that he is full of flu (well, I say a head cold, but you know what men are like!); and we are having problems with one of our horses – which is looking quite serious.  That is the difference between him and me I think.  I don’t tend to let worry get in the way of other things.  Worrying is not going to help matters, its not going to make our horse any better.  And all the while he is worrying about the horse or feeling down because he is not feeling very well, I’m feeling neglected.  Not right, selfish, childish but still how I am feeling.

I got a paddling on Tuesday night.  I was so glad.  It wasn’t long, it wasn’t particularly harsh.  I was upset on Tuesday morning – a number of things one on top of the other.  I didn’t want to talk about it because I would have just cried (yes, that’s me a cry baby – I cry at anything whether I am sad, happy or mad or hurt – I cry LOL).  Anyway, I refused to talk to him on Tuesday morning because I would have just cried.  But I decided to email him – yup I’m the email queen.  I think I got a little attitude in the email as well because at the end of my little speech I said “OK?  Happy now?  Good!”

I got home and he hugged me and told me he loved me and said he was sorry.  He explained about everything that was making me feel the way I was feeling.  We got on with our evening and I was in the bedroom, he came through and pushed me down on the bed, gave me another hug and said he was going to spank me at bed time.  I told him I was glad because I deserved it.

Bedtime came around.  I decided I wasn’t going to remind him.  I am so glad that I didn’t remind him because he remembered all by himself and that is such a big thing for me, that he remembered himself.  He actually turned off the light and got into bed and then suddenly got back out again and said “I’m supposed to be spanking you!”  He switched the light back on and locked the bedroom door and told me to get across the bed.  Where he promptly paddled my behind with what he now affectionately calls “Paddy”!  It wasn’t long, it wasn’t overly harsh and it didn’t make me cry.  He lectured me a little bit – but not a lot – about sending him silly emails and feeling the way I was.  The last swat was pretty harsh; he got me to change position so that he could “swing” the swat.  Owwwwww!

Anyway, it was over pretty quickly and we snuggled afterward.  But it didn’t really get me to where I needed to be.  I was submissive, I got into position and I stayed relatively well in position this time.  A conscious effort.  He told me I would be getting more on Friday, but with this cold of his I am not sure, I am hopeful, but not sure. 

I really needed this spanking to be much longer.  It was over so quickly.  I need a prolonged spanking, one with a warm up first and then quite harsh with a telling off.  I’ve done plenty to deserve it, especially my attitude.

But, on the positive side of things, he really is getting in to the swing of things, I was bending over stacking the dishwasher on Monday and he walks by and swats me and then tells me its my own fault as I have no idea what I have unleashed in him, he just wants to spank me all the time, and is always on the look out for a painful implement for me!!

Very good positive steps in the right direction.

So perhaps its time for another discussion  - I need to let him know that I really need the spankings to be a little longer in duration.  After all when we first got the paddle he said he could paddle me for hours with it, it’s very comfortable for him to use and doesn’t hurt his hand at all!!!!!