OK, so I'm a bit mad at you, frustrated and a bit anxious. Why have you stopped the discipline? I have done a heap of stuff but you don’t seem willing to punish me for it, despite saying otherwise. Have you changed your mind and not want domestic discipline anymore? Or is it because we have the kids around? You have punished me before when the kids are with us. It didn’t stop you before - you just bent me over the bed and did what you had to do.
You said to me yesterday that you are not the boss – but to me you are. It’s how I want to live. I’m a submissive woman and I want you in charge of me, to take care of me, make decisions for us, to take me in hand when I need it. I lived for years with a man who couldn’t have cared less, happy for me to live my own little life as I wanted to, was happy to leave me to my own devices. I don’t want to go back to that, I was unhappy, unloved and not cared for. I don't want to feel like that with you.
Set me some rules, be strict with me, and be consistent about enforcing the rules. If you say you are going to spank me, then spank me for whatever I have done wrong.
I love you so much.
I struggled to bear my soul to you about my needs and desires in this thing we do,
But when I finally did it is with all my love and complete and utter trust and faith in you.
Please, did you listen to me?
Really listen, with open heart and mind,
I need rules, I need consistency and I need follow through, always.
And if for some reason follow through can't happen then please tell me, I'll need to know why.
I have given you this power, if only you knew just how much,
Please use it wisely
Use it kindly
Use it consistently.
Or is this something you really don't want to do. You should tell me if that is the case.
Please my love, my heart, be my strong hoh, love me, care for me, protect me, discipline and punish me, stand up to me, be strong, be my hoh.
Kiwigirliegirl,
ReplyDeleteHang in there. It hasn't happened for me yet, so I can't speak from experience, but maybe you can try to find out why he thinks he is not the boss. Maybe there is something that was said or done that he misunderstood. The best advice will always be honesty and communication. Compromise. Maybe commit to once a week and when that works out, build from there.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that both you and hubby will get what you want!
this sounds confusing, in fact i can _feel_ your confusion. Talk to him. Something has happened. Maybe he's just in a slump himself, maybe he's doubting himself? Talk to him.
ReplyDeleteI hope you work it out.
I hope you two can talk and come to a better understanding. Good luck! Sara
ReplyDeleteOh, I feel for you so much. Hang in there, and yes, try to get his perspective, going from there. Sending prayers and happy vibes your way! :)
ReplyDeleteIt seems so slow, when you really want it to happen! Keep trying to communicate calmly and, above all, look inside and know what you are willing to change in yourself to get it. I've learned that I can only change myself, not him.
ReplyDeletekiwi,
ReplyDeleteYour pain is palpable...so sorry that things are not going the way you want them to go. I don't mean to badger you, but I REALLY think you're going to open up to him about this whole issue. If there's one thing I've learned in 26 years of marriage, men are NOT mind readers, lol! Even if you think you've done everything in your power to make him understand where you're coming from, you need to keep trying to talk to him until he can say to you,
"Do you really want me to be in charge of you? or this just a passing fancy?" He might not say those exact words, but you need to have a dialogue where both of you are getting out what the expectations are. Until you're both talking...not just you, then it's probably not going to change. I really feel for you and I hope you get up the nerve to broach every one of the things that are on your heart.
Hugs,
Kitty
Bless you, I know what a struggle it can be sometimes, especially if you are moving at a different pace. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteOK, thank you guys for all your kind words advice wisdom and prayers. I really appreciate everything from the bottom of my heart. Thank you. TTWD is so hard and I dont think I could do it without all of your support.
ReplyDeleteLast night he stepped up big time. My long awaited punishment happened. In all the exact detail he described to me and he even found himself a new implement to use - it was as unpleasurable as I thought it would be. (I dont think I like him thinking! - no i take that back its exactly what i want)The best part was afterward and he came up behind me and just held me, stroked my hair while i calmed down, asking me was I ok and that he loved me and just held and rocked me. He then sent me to bed (but he followed very shortly afterward) held me again kissing my hair and just holding me. When i said i was ok he said good, but i deserved every stroke and that i have five more days of punishment to come - gulp! Talk about mixed signals.
Babygirl: Thank you. Im haning in there. I think he is not used to a submissive woman and doesnt quite know how to handle me - he will get there.
SG: thank you for your words. Yeah, Im going to talk tonight
Sara: Thank you for your wishes - me two :) Im planning on talking to him tonight. I have to. I cant keep it inside me any longer.
Kay: Thank you so much :)
Meow: Yes it does - and im not the most patient of people - something i need to work on.
Kitty: Yes I think when i first broached the subject i went about it all the wrong way becuase its so hard for me to talk about. Time to get over that, start at square one and see what happens. We have made a start.
Rogue: Yes, Im certainly moving faster than he is - but im hoping after last night I can talk a bit more this week and just clarify everything and my feelings and his feelings - one way or another.
So happy for you!
ReplyDeleteKitty
thank you Kitty - I am feeling happy and contented at the moment - my anger and frustration have gone. I still feel that I deserve more punishment especially for my big mess up two weeks ago, I'm not feeling as contrite as I would want to - so I probably deserve the 5 more days of punishment to come that he has threatened - and then I am going to talk to him, fully and clearly about what I need, how i need him to be consistent and just get over my issues of not being able to say the words outloud. Fingers crossed for me :) xx
ReplyDeleteYou can do it:)!
ReplyDeleteKitty
Sorry for your frustration, and his mixed signals. Sounds like he is confused too. Keep talking and I hope you find a way you can proceed where you both feel fulfilled and happy.
ReplyDeleteHi stormy, thank you. Maybe he is, and this is the week to talk as we dont have any kids with us, so completely alone and private. I didnt talk last night - I chickened out :( I am going to try again tonight.
ReplyDelete