Great Expectations

I expected to gain last night at Weight Watcher.  And I did.  I gained 700g.  Half of what I lost in my first week.

It's not a lot but still a gain.  Disappointing, and especially so as it was only my second week.  Back to square one…well not quite but still a step back.   I think I know what I did wrong.  I didn’t exercise (enough); I have obviously miss-pointed some things and my portion sizes are still too big. 

As expected, Sir was not impressed. 

As expected I was in trouble.

As expected I got the cane. 

I was expecting (needing) to be told to go the bedroom and wait for him, in position.

I was expecting (needing) to lay there, to wait for him and then when he came in, to me to tell me off about the weight gain, to be admonished, to be told to do better.

I was expecting (needing) a good hard spanking for my lack of effort during the week, 2o for 20 (or more)

I was expecting (needing) to be stood in the corner to contemplate and plan the next week and how I would make it different.

Unexpectedly I didn’t get a telling off.

Unexpectedly I didn’t get corner time.

Unexpectedly I only got 7 strokes for 700g gain and not the 20 for 20.

Unexpectedly he wanted to make love afterwards.  He told me he can’t help it after he has spanked me, he just gets so turned on (I am not about to complain or say no to that).

Some people will say go with the flow, you were punished, accept it and move on.

Some people will say talk to him, it wasn’t quite what you needed or expected.

To quote William Shakespeare:

It’s so true.  My heart is aching a little today.  Not in the broken hearted sense, not in the sad sense, but in a longing sense, a sense that something was missing, something was not quite right.  A need was not met.  I’m not sad.  My heart is not broken.  Things are good between us.  I just have this longing. 

I think expectations only lead to disappointment and perhaps I shouldn’t have expectations anymore.  He knows I need this lifestyle.  He knows when and how to punish me and has done so.  It’s now my job to submit and accept whichever way he does that…and each time is going to be different.  I know this.   I do think there is a difference between submitting to how where and when he decides to punish me and going with the flow to asking for something I need if I’m not getting it, though.   So I did ask  him when we were snuggling down for sleep, could he please tell me off more next time I’m in trouble and getting a spanking (ooh it is still so hard to say those words still).  He said of course he can.  Maybe last night he was just tired, maybe he thought he had expressed his disappointment enough earlier on in the evening and just wanted to get the punishment done (it was getting a bit late).   Or maybe the difference is in what he thinks is a punishable offence as opposed to what I think is a punishable offence.  Maybe I am harder on myself than he is.  I have noticed a big difference when I do something wrong and he takes the initiative to punish me as to when I have asked him to hold me accountable for something – like weight loss as opposed to when I have left my cell phone in my handbag and missed a number of calls from him and he is hopping mad when I get home. 

So this week I am going to try really hard to stay on track and lose weight, I'll try to be good so as not to get into trouble and try hard to submit to his decisions in all respects of our life together from everyday stuff to when he feels a need to punish me. 

Fingers crossed.