Crazy...Stupid...or just Normal?

Tuesday 6th March 2012

I woke up in a grumpy mood this morning – well not a grumpy mood as such as a mischievous mood my bad girl angel was in true form and did everything I could to poke the bear with the biggest sharpest hardest stick I could find.  He didn’t rise to the bait!  I just wanted to prod and poke hard.

I don’t know why.  I did everything in my power to annoy him.  This is bad.  This is bratting well and truly.  And hands up, I freely confess and admit to doing just that this morning.  She says trying to not smirk.  He told me off for it, a couple of times.  Poor man, it must have felt like he was dealing with another child in the house.

Deep down I just wanted him to take me to the bedroom and turn me over his knee and spank me hard before I went to work.  I wanted to be scolded for not listening to him, for not doing as he asked.

Why?  I don’t really know.  Maybe I was in the mood to play.  Have a scolding and a spanking without actually having done anything wrong.  I had a bit of a light-bulb moment earlier and yes I want to “role-play” as well as have the real, serious discipline and punishment stuff.   Oh how much more complex can a girl get?

I think mainly I’m craving a spanking.  But, she says to herself, you only just had one on Sunday  gone.  I’d been really good all week, except for a couple of incidences which he let slide…showing me mercy. I don’t think I want mercy though!  I want need him to be consistent 100% of the time right now.

We had our regular maintenance session on Sunday and it was just fine.  He paddled me hard and used two tails and brought me to tears as usual.  I got extra long corner time.  I even got a couple of good whacks while stood in the corner with my hands high above me my head on the wall.  Corner time is really good for me while my behind is still fiery hot and stinging from the spanking.  It feels a bit different when that warmth and sting has worn off and I’m stood there, my tears have dried, my bottom cooled and my feet shuffling from side to side and I’m just waiting for him to call me to him.  I wonder what he thinks about laying back in bed watching me standing there in the corner like that, my bottom a bright shade of red slowly fading, feet shuffling side to side, the sniffing slowly stopping as the tears dry.   I felt a little….indignant perhaps with the extra corner time.     But I submitted to it, stuck it out.  I didn’t get the scolding, the telling off this time. 

The spanking itself, except for directions to get into position,  to stay in position and to “get back down please” WOW when they say please like that in that tone it sent a shiver down my spine….the dominance was almost palpable and “OK it’s over now, get in the corner, now, please! Hands higher, higher I said” *whack, whack*, was pretty much silent and it left me wanting something more.  When I looked back in my accountability book, Sunday was a terrible day and I really deserved a severe telling off for my behaviour.  I wasn’t allowed to go with Sir to pick up Little Miss from Thorn.  This really irked me.  He never says no to Thorn but says no to me…..I can’t figure this out… yes you can Kiwi, you asked for this dominance and so allow him to say no to you when he sees fit and no matter how hard it is you have to learn to submit to it accept it.  Sssshhhhh good girl angel…no fair!  Anyway I made it really hard for him with sulking and pouting and distancing and so yes I deserved a very severe telling off for that really.  I got the spanking for it, but no words. 

It’s weigh in tonight at the end my first week at weight watchers and I’m nervous.  I discovered yesterday a few mistakes in pointing and now I’m worried I won’t lose weight.   I will be in trouble if I don’t.  That in itself is good!  I will be spanked and hard if I don’t lose.  20 hard strokes for the $20 wasted and then some I was told this morning.  AND on top of that I won’t be allowed to go anymore.  No fair Sir no fair at all!

So yes all in all I’m craving another spanking but mostly I’m craving the words, the telling off the scolding the dominance without the physical spanking – but Ill take the spanking too.

So most of me so hopes I’ve lost weight.  But a tiny little part of me hopes I don’t……