Be careful what you wish for ... you might just get it.

When I first introduced my Sir to spanking, I was scared to death.  The biggest fear was that he would think I was a freak and he would run for the hills. 

I have always been fascinated with spanking, for my whole life as long as I can remember.  So that was my opening.  I discussed it with him in a very sexual manner – and he obliged.  He told me had never spanked a woman before but when he did me it turned him on immensely.  I remember the very first spanking he gave me, laying on the bed with a studded strap.  I remember the feeling it gave me.  Spanking had been missing from my life for a long while – kind of on hiatus.  But with Sir being a new partner (now husband to be) it made a big return.  (My previous ex-partner had no interest in this kind of thing at all…in fact he had no interest in sex at all never mind anything remotely kinky – but that is another story).

I remember laying there, feeling that strap on my bare behind, taking in the sensations feeling extremely content and peaceful, like a part of me and awoken.  Never to sleep again.

My desire for real discipline grew stronger and I slowly introduced Sir to rules and boundaries and punishments. I had done my research, read blogs, asked questions, made comments and finally knew that Domestic Discipline was the road I wanted to travel, and I hoped and prayed that Sir would too, no matter how bumpy.

We stumbled for a while over the, what seems typical, speed bumps of inconsistency; Sir’s misunderstanding of things, my inability to talk properly about it.  The DD road is certainly one bumpy roller coaster ride.

Slowly over the time we have gotten to grips with issues of immediate consequences, spanking punishments, implements, alternative punishments like Corner time.  At some point it felt as though I were miles ahead of him, waiting for him to catch up.

Over time Sir’s confidence has grown.  He adds rules now of his own accord, we/he got mixed up over maintenance and punishments there for a while, but I think we have now sorted that out.  He loves to be the leader, the head of the house (I even used that HOH term with him yesterday – and he didn’t even flinch). 

It’s amazing the intimacy that this brings.  Something that only he and I know about our relationship, that all it takes is that one look or raised eyebrow and I’m respectful and obedient.  I feel so much respect and love for this man it amazes me.  I feel so cared about and secure and protected.  Even during a punishment, when it hurts and I am crying, and I’m sorry for what I have done, I still have that cared for and protected and loved feeling. 

And it all feels really good.  We have rules, we have boundaries and we have consequences.  I feel safe.  I feel in control.  Not in the sense that I am controlling him or leading our lives, but I feel in control of me, of my actions because he is there, behind me holding me up. 

But then he throws a spanner in the works and suddenly, it feels like he is way ahead of me, and I’m running to catch up to him on our DD journey.

He implements a whole new punishment to be administered last night and in the future whenever he decides to use it.

My weigh in was last night.

I failed.  I gained nearly 1kg.  I know how I’ve done it.  I have become complacent and with it being Easter and then a whole week off work, one thing and another.  Well 1kg can be very quickly gained.

Oh yes, Paddy the paddle was coming out and did come out to visit with me last night that was for sure.

But Sir decided that as an extra punishment, he was withdrawing sexual favours from me.  And that if I didn’t get up and do my exercises this morning, then it would be withdrawn from me again tonight too.  (Yes, is the answer to your question, I did get up and exercise)

Urggghhhhhhh this is painful, not in the physical sense but in the emotional sense.   I need to rise above my initial reaction of hurt and rejection and see it for what it is.   An incentive to be healthy and fit and I have to dig deep within me to follow his lead, to trust his judgement, to accept this punishment, whenever he so chooses with respect and love and obedience.