OK, following on from my last post - and thanks to all my friends who offered their greatly appreciated words of wisdom - this is my plan. We have a full weekend with no children and hopefully no visitors - I have specifically asked for at least tonight (Friday) to be just us two.
At the moment I am feeling so bad with myself for being so emotional for the last week and I feel let down by my hubby for not stepping up and being the man in charge of me that he so often says he is. There is no excuse for my temper tantrums and he really should have taken me in hand. If, when I demanded the cards back, he had said absolutely no way and to behave myself or else, I would have. Straight away.
He came to see me today at lunchtime and I said he has to get back into my good books. He just laughed at me and threatened if I didn't behave he would wallop me....so mixed signals here! Does he really want to discipline me or not??? Arrgghhh hair pulling time!
So my plan is this:
1. Text or email and explain I feel bad about my behaviour and emotional outbursts.
2. Explain that I need him to please punish me for them so that I can feel better
3. Then I am going to ask that million dollar question "Do you really like to punish me for real or is it just a sex game to you and you are only doing it because it makes me happy?"
4. If he is serious about having authority over me and being head of the house and real discipline then I really need some rules to be set about behaviour and punishments for broken rules; and I have a lot of ideas about this, about privacy and about what I would like to change about myself and come to some sort of agreement as to what we expect from each other so that mistakes and misunderstandings are avoided.
5. And then I am going to reiterate that a regular weekly "just because" spanking would be really beneficial to me and remind me to behave, have less of the emotional outbursts and it reminds me who is boss.
And if he honestly isn't into the real discipline side of things and just into a the sexy side of spanking then I will learn to live with it. I went for the last four years without anything to do with spanking at all, so I can make do with just sexy spankings :) though it will be really hard now because instinctively I know this is in him. He just needs some confidence that he is doing well and its not abuse and its really something i need him to do.
Now if only I could just say this out loud to him. I just wish it wasn't so hard for me to be able to discuss this issue with him. Its important to me. But right now, back to re-drafting my email and text message and I'm looking forward to a very red and sore bottom by the end of the weekend, a good conversation and perhaps some clearer path for us to follow.
He isn’t going to like punishing you. That isn’t fun for anybody. If he likes it, run fast! Erotic fun spankings are one thing. Punishment is something else entirely. Even weekly maintenance and stress relief are different. I am working on a post that may interest you. Still needs a little work. It is on the editors floor now. Dragon has to preview this one.
ReplyDeleteOK, I'll read it with keen interest. My words are wrong. I dont mean does he "like" doing it, I mean is he willing and OK to punish me when needed.
ReplyDeleteThe text i am about to send goes something like this
There are no excuses for my temper tantrums this week and I feel I need to punished for them. Would you please?
Then I will follow up with an email asking him if he is willing and OK to discipline me for real rather than just as a sex game and if so, then can we please maybe set up some rules for behaviour, can he please consistently step up and take me in hand when I step out of line.
It may be helpful to have a face to face talk with him and just get it all out there. I understand how that can be hard and feel awkward. When I first told my husband about my spanking interest, I was a total basketcase. I told him we needed to talk and just started crying, I was so scared he was going to think it was crazy. He was probably more scared about what on earth I was about to tell him because of my reaction. So don't start it like that! Lol.
ReplyDeleteGet it all out on the table, tell him what you feel and what you need out of this, and then give him time to digest it all. Don't push or expect an answer right away. It's confusing to a man to be told that you want them in charge but then they hear you complain about the way they do it. That gives mixed signals. I'm not saying that's what you're doing, but in my opinion I think that is how it can feel to them. Once you've said what you need to say, tell him you aren't going to bring it up again until he's ready to talk about it. Good luck!
"Make do with just sexy spankings."
ReplyDeleteI can make do with just eating ice cream!
It can be difficult to establish a good disciplinary relationship. Being a good disciplinarian is a tough job that demands consistency and attention to detail. It's not a job for everyone. But, most people will take on this role if they believe it will help their relationship, and maybe he can think about it from that point of view.
I am sending you strength and confidence for your talk. It's very difficult. I know exactly what you're talking about. And chances are he's not really going to get it right now, not fully. So my suggestion is to have a very narrow 'rules list'. I would imagine over spending and temper would be plenty for him to considerate on now. They are specific and things that I'm sure bother him.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
PK
The hardest part is making him understand that you need DD even when you don't want it. I think the 4 Ds are a great place to start.
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree with the others. Don't ask for too much right off the bat. Let him digest what you're saying slowly, and give him time to formulate a response. After all, you don't want the lifestyle to become a chore - you want it to be something that really benefits both of you. You don't want to overwhelm him, or confuse him by asking him to take control while spewing a million directions or requests his way.
ReplyDeleteOf course, everyone will have an opinion, and everyone will share their advice with you. In the end, just do what feels right! That way, you'll never go wrong. :)
Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice. I am going to post about what happened. I got a sore bottom but no talk.
ReplyDeleteKiwi, I could have written this myself. I think we may actually be twins! I am going through the exact same obstacles as you. Good Luck.
ReplyDeleteLOL yeah twins would be good. always wanted a sis. You can email me if you want to kiwigirliegirl@yahoo.com
ReplyDeletexx
I've just stumbled upon your blog and would just like to say I've enjoyed what I have read so far :) Like you, I have not long started down this road and I can relate ( a lot!!) to some of the things you are saying. It's very difficult to be patient I must admit, but worth it I reckon :) and the 'email' communication thing has me smiling a little because it sounds sooo like how I broached the subject at first, perhaps not the best way but now, with a little patience lol, we are actually having conversations about it all and it is true what others say, it does get easier, less embarrassing and not quite as excruciating as it once was to find the courage to communicate one to one. I look forward to reading the rest of your journey :)
ReplyDeleteHi Dee, thank you for reading and commenting - i think we all go through very similar struggles and its one of those journies with no end really - its a continual journey lots of speed bumps and learning curves. I just hope it gets a little easier as time goes on i know i need to be submissive and good and respectful and obedient but he needs to be consistent - its a two way street one goes hand in hand with the other i think. I hope talking about it gets easier for me.
ReplyDeleteGood luck on your journey - please keep commenting - do you have your onw blog that i can follow?