So I had a thought. Ok, how would he feel if I asked him to spank me the night before i go grocery shopping, nothing serious, just a quick over his knee hand spanking as a reminder that I need to stay within budget. Then he sets my budget for the week. I go shopping the next day. All is great and well with the world if I stay within budget. However, if I dont, then he punishes me with a hard spanking and a telling off.
So, all in favour of me asking him outright how he would feel doing this for me, say aye.
All in favour of me staying quiet and not saying a word about it ......mmmmmm on second thoughts that's not going to work for me.
So ok, i have one option only. I need to ask him to spank me on a more regular basis - hence this budgeting stategy. Do i ask outright or email him. I have a draft email ready to go....which goes something like this.... (see talking out loud doestn really work for me either - im such a chicken)
Hey baby,
About last night - thank you. It’s really hard for me to ask you to do that but I feel so much better. I could have done with you telling me off a bit more though.
How would you feel if I asked you to punish me like that on a more regular basis?
I don’t do much wrong so maybe we could set some rules. BUT one thing I really need to work on - spending money - I think you'd agree. SO … I was wondering if you would be ok with giving me a little spanking the night before I go grocery shopping – nothing too serious – just over your knee – a warning to remind me to stick to my budget that you will then set for me. If I stick to the budget - great. If not then you punish me with a much harder spanking and a telling off.
Ok my bloggy friends - should I or shouldn't I? Emil or Talk? I need some of your wordly wisdoms :)
Honestly, do whatever feels the most comfortable for you! Since you're just getting warmed up to the idea of making suggestions and talking about your feelings toward DD with him, the email might not be a bad idea. It seems like everything is working out nicely with you two - good to hear! Take care!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Isla, if through email works for you now, then do it. Typically (in my house) bringing up things in email usually leads to those things being brought up that day at home, so just be sure that you are comfortable enough to talk this through in person with him as well (just in case.) Goodluck doll, hope it goes well ;)
ReplyDeleteI have a lot to say about this post, but I need some time to gather my thoughts first. I will try to reply ASAP. In the meantime, How long has your relationship been DD?
ReplyDeleteHi Isla, thanks for the comments. I missed an opportunity today on the phone to tell him i wanted to talk to him tonight :( I might just text him that i need to talk.
ReplyDeleteSam and HeiDDi - thanks chick. Yeah thats my problem - not comfortable talking - I really need to get over this.
Hi First Mate. Not long at all. I introduced spanking in a sexual way and then went from there a couple of months ago. Right now i would be happy for him to spank me every night if he felt the need :( I need to post a bit of a history about me i think so that my friends can understand. I have about an hour to go before i leave work for home. Got a decision to make pretty quick. He loves to spank me he said I only have to ask ...so i shouldnt really have a problem.
ok...just rang him and said I needed to have a chat tonight when i get home....so i set the ball in motion. Decided talking rather then emailing....I really have to get over this talking issue sooner or later!! Will let you know tomorrow. Wish me luck.
ReplyDeleteHis First Mate - i still dearly love to hear your thoughts - so please post them :)
Well my thoughts are I know what it feels like in the beginning to crave punishment spankings- the problem with it is that it sometimes leads to purposeful breaking of the rules to achieve that end result. DO NOT do this!
ReplyDeleteIn my experience it gets old quick and if they feel it is not working or that you are trying to get in trouble they will decide it is just a game to you and not want to do it. You DO NOT want this to happen.
Alos, it does not sound like you have a clear list of rules right now. I would not tell him specifically what the rules need to be, just set aside some time to talk it over together. It is good to have a list of issues you want to work on but I would bring up the issue and let him decide on the parameters of the rule itself.
When the captain and I had our rule conversation, it went really well but we had both had a few weeks to think about it before we made the list and honestly when it came to the things i was planning on bringing up it was like he was reading my mind!
I have more to say and am really looking forward to getting to know you and sharing our experiences but it sounds like you are really anxious to have this conversation.
So Good Luck!
Hey His First Mate. Thank you so much for your comments. Yeah perhaps i am a little rash at times. And patience is really not a virtue of mine (something else to work on LOL) I try very hard not to provoke a spanking as i am aware of it getting a bit old. So i do have that in mind.
ReplyDeleteI think i will just tell him how much good last night did me and then ask him how he would feel if i asked for him to do that on a more regular basis. I REALLY do need to work on my budgeting skills. Go from there, no setting of rules as yet.
But i really want to hear the rest of your thoughts so please post and im looking forward to hearing more about you and getting to you know much better too.
Thanks again.
Absolutely. i think it is very important to tell them what a spanking does for our mindset. I try to tell the captain regularly how productive it makes me, and how i find it easier to be much calmer with the kids, and how i feel towards him as well. I think it is very important in the early stages to build up our HOH's in a way that is not "topping from the bottom". I tell him how I love the confidence TTWD has brought out in him in our everyday life. I tell him how much of a turn on it is to be when he is "leader-ish" i think these things are important and I think TTWD has positive effects on them as well and its good to praise the positive changes it brings about on both sides.
ReplyDeleteAlso, i cannot say enough about the wonders of a good maintenance spanking. It curbs that "punishment craving" for me, and allows me to not stress if i have guilt over something that he does not punish me for. It helps him to not feel as he has to spank me every day if he just doesn't feel like it, and it helps reset me and get me in that submissive mind set. If he likes spanking you, perhaps this is something you could bring up.
And if you find it hard to talk about I printed this article from the cdd website and added my own side notes for the captain.
http://www.christiandomesticdiscipline.com/maintenancediscipline.html
also I love this article for husbands entering DD. For me a lot of it really rings true.
http://www.christiandd.com/articles/brenna.html
I think talking and asking for his help in sticking with a budget is a great idea. I love it when Nick would spank me right before I went exercising. To be able to 'feel' his support was wonderful. But I think you will agree its not the help with over spending you crave so much as the punishment. I think your husband will see this clearly and it might back fire on you. It's not a bad suggestion but if he spanks you before shopping - you have to stay within your budget!!!! He has to see that his stepping up and spanking is getting the results he wants. If you over spend to get the punishment you crave it's not going to work.
ReplyDeleteSearch yourself and see what you really need. Mull it over in your mind. Maybe some sort of serious maintenance sessions but be careful not to break the rules to get what you want.
Hugs,
PK
Hi PK and His First Mate. Thank you so much for your thoughts and advice. I mentioned to him on teh phone yesterday afternoon that i needed to talk to him. But i had no intention of bringing up the subject unless he did. That was until we got to bed and he asked me if by bottom was still sore from Sunday - which it is. Anyway, that brought up the subject so i thanked him and told how good it was for me and how much better it made me feel. I also told him i liked his restraining my ankles so i couldnt move. He seemed to be a little proud of himself with that idea. And i asked him how he woudl feel doing it on a more regular basis. He thought we already did. So i said well, more regularly - maybe once a week. I know i dont do anything wrong as such but the one thing that he hates is my overspending. Anyway i told him suggestion (but i didnt mention the spanking before hand - just the one if i went over budget). And although i can honestly say HAND ON MY HEART i would not deliberatly overspend to get a spanking, he thought exactly that. So his decision was to control my spending he would just give me an amount of cash. No amount of talking or trying to explain would change his mind. So being a submissive wife i guess i have to accept his decision.
ReplyDeleteI wish i could put into words my craving for punishment. Its not that i like the actual pain. It can bloody hurt. Its how it makes me feel afterwards, being accountable for actions. Safe and loved and cared for. Someone caring enough about me. Does that make sense?
I do like the idea of maintenance spankings. So i might suggest that - only email him this time. I am glad i didnt mention the night before spanking last night.
I wonder how i would feel about other forms of punishment other than spanking.
Does anyone else get other forms of punishment?
PK - yes, i do need to think deep down what it is i want. I am craving punishment spankings at the moment. But i am sure that will pass and so i will have to tread carefully so i dont overwhelm him and put him off and sicken him. I really want to set some rules - things i need help with - health issues, overspending, being argumentative, being sulky, not telling him things that he needs to know about (this is a biggie for me)
ReplyDeleteHis First Mate. thank you for the links. I will check them out shortly. I think maintenance would be good - its how to ask for that. He doesnt actually like the term Domestic Discpline - he scoffed when i mentioned it - he doesnt realize that we are actually living it. So i may just ask him to spank me once a week "just because" it makes me feel better, keeps me in line - how severe and with what would be up to him and then when i do step out of line I will need him to step up and punish me.
that i think is what i will put to him.
Thanks again :) its great to know im not alone in this.
Emails generally lead to talking. Sounds like you could use some good maintenance sessions more than once a week. See how well that works before you find yourself "bratting". Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHi Rogue, Thanks. Yup i would really love maintenance. I have just sent an email to him to that effect - fingers crossed. Basically i have asked him to spank me regularly once a week just because it keeps me in line, makes me feel happy and secure and i like it. it would be like a warning - behave or else kind of thing. Then when i do step out of line he punishes me more severely - but like i said to him no empty threats. He needs to follow through.
ReplyDeleteOh well, done now. No taking it back.
His First Mate - thanks for the links...they were extremely helpful. Put my feeling into words exactly. He wont read them unfortunately but it might help me voice my feelings a wee bit better. Thanks again xxx
ReplyDelete