My punishment

Well, I did it.  I am damned proud of myself.  I didnt write him a note or text him or used email.  I talked.  I found the courage on Friday night in bed (so I couldnt see his face - guess I was trying to hide - gotta work on that) while snuggling to ask him to punish me for the Thursday night event.  He was more than keen.  His voice got very stern.  He rolled into me and nudged me once or twice and said absolutely.

Then nothing happened.  This is my fear.  No follow through.  Unfortunately a friend turned up late on Friday night and decided to stay the whole weekend.  Which was great.  Saturday came and went.  I asked him again (gosh I'm getting braver by the day) on Saturday night would i still be getting punished on Sunday after his friend had gone.  Oh yes absolutely was the answer.  Ok then.  I settled down for sleep - not so much with a smile on my face because i know what was coming - but with the knowledge that soon i would be feeling better.

Sunday morning we made love and he gave me a couple of swipes with the cane - the position was just right so it didnt hurt - but more kinky sexy.  Afterward I asked him if my punishment would be severe.  Oh yes he said.  It would be a tough one.  "Gulp"  But the friend stayed for the longest time.  I thought he would never leave.  Then we had to go off and see other friends.  I was so disappointed.  I actually got very grumpy and scowled a lot i was later told.  He headed for a quick shower before we left the house and as he turned to go into the bathroom I was told that tonight he would not playing any games  it would be severe punishment.  Yikes.  I had to remind myself that i actually asked for this. 

Sunday night came and children tugged up into bed.  I was getting more and more nervous - that butterfly slightly sickly feeling in my stomache.   I took the cane down and layed it on the bed (hint hint) and then put it away again.  I didnt want to bring up the subject again, but i was scared in case he had forgotten or changed his mind.  My biggest fear is no follow through.  It makes me feel so dejected.  Anyway.  I need'nt have worried.  I climbed into bed and he stood at the end of the bed and told me to get out - reluctantly I dragged my very unwilling feet to the end of the bed.  He took all the implements we have - the bath brush, the cane, the studded strap and he added another one - his belt.  He bent me forward over the bed and said he would start off lightly with the belt and then he proceeded to use every implement he has in his arsenal.   At first i was surprised, I didnt think i was going to cry but i did.  I got to that point quite quickly in fact.    Even though he used the cane and that hurts so much, its not the pain that made me cry.  Its the head space, the emotion, the guilt being let go I think

I tried so hard to stay in position.  I really wanted to stay in position and not wriggle and move around.  I dont think i did too bad a job of staying there but he had to tie my panties around my ankles to stop me from moving.  Nice touch i thought afterward! 

I feel so much better, that guilty knot in my stomache has gone.  But I couldnt look him in the eye, which was a first.  I said I was so sorry and that from now on if he wanted me to get batteries, i wouldnt hesitate.   And then i just knelt on the bed, head in my hands, not making eye contact, sobbing, my nose running, completely submissive, completely contrite and forgiven. 

He walked past me this morning and gave me a swat and a squeeze knowing full well i was sore and then said to me that will teach me.  Well, you would think so wouldnt you - but knowing me?  Watch this space LOL.

I dont like punishment.  I like my sexy spankings.  But punishment hurts.  So why do i crave it?  Why now am i considering asking him to punish spank me on a regular basis.  I dont do much wrong to warrant a punishment, but one thing i do need to work on and that is to keep within my grocery budget.  I love the fact that he is in charge of me, and that i have to face consequences - even if i do have to ask still.  I think i need the boundaries, having to face consequences.  Maybe a time will come where i dont have to ask, that he will just punish me for something i have done that HE CONSIDERS is wrong.