Maintenance ... so far so good.

Monday 23rd Janaury 2012

I had my very first maintenance spanking last night.  Boy oh boy I am sore today but that might be something to do with not only having a maintenance spanking but also a punishment one earlier on in the day – going through  accountability book in the afternoon I got a fair few whacks with the paddle for some pretty bad things last week.  But maybe it’s a mind set.  Similar to a punishment spanking as opposed to an erotic spanking, maintenance is again something different.  I am sore, but my heart is soft, sitting is uncomfortable but I’m happy and content and when I think of Sir I smile and I feel respectful.

It was quite intense and harsh and it seemed to last for a long time.  He wouldn’t stop either until he was ready to stop – rather than stopping when I asked.  This is new.  Another small step forward for my Sir J

Maintenance, we have decided is to be called “just because”.  It is to be done at bedtime, just prior to getting into bed, each week on a Sunday night, ready for the next week coming.  To remind me he is the boss, and I have to listen (that seems to be my weakest point, I don’t listen).  It is to keep my obstinate nature at bay, to keep my disrespectfulness in check, to remember he only has the best intentions for me and for us as a family and I have to trust that.  I have to let go of the reigns and let him lead me, us.  It is to be used to help me emotionally to give me a reason to cry when I need to cry, to bring down the walls that I build, to steady my emotions and feelings and to keep my mind heart and soul at peace and quiet in myself.  It is to be used to keep me feeling loved and secure.

He made me strip naked and bend over the pillows on the bed (his favourite position for me).  He wouldn’t put up with any stalling or dawdling.  I wasn’t moving quick enough for him, and I got a quick side swipe on the leg with the cane.  Ouch.  He held me in place and told me I have to learn to listen to him and not argue back and to be obedient and to remember he decides things for my own good not just for the sake of it.  He didn’t talk too much after that but the spanking went on for a long time.  Slow and steady, I kept saying to myself “submit, submit, submit” and I did my best to stay I position.  A couple of times I jumped up and clutched my behind as it was stinging badly.  He would give me a minute and then back down I went.  If I wasn’t in position properly he would tell me off and get me back into position and then continue the swipes with the cane and the two tails.  The quietest implements we have.  (When the kids are home I’m going to have remember to be quiet too).

After it was over, he imposed other submissive activities on me.  I won’t go into detail.  I am surprised because even though submissive exercises have been on my mind since reading Sara’s post on them last week, I had not talked to him at all about them and wasn’t planning on talking to him about it for a little while yet.  Seems he read my mind on this one!

We then climbed into bed and he hugged me tighter than a grizzly bear.  Stroked my hair.  Soothed my sore behind.  Then it was another submissive exercise until he felt it was time for sleep and then we slept.  I slept like a baby.

We talked earlier on in the day about punishments.  This was after my punishment in the afternoon.  I would rather have immediate consequences.  They just work far better than saving things up for a weekly or fortnightly “session”.  Doing that makes it feel like a game and this for me is far from being a game. 

He is hesitant about immediate consequences because of privacy issues and the kids being at home.  I understand this too.  I feel the same way but I feel that there are ways and means we can use to get around this.  For one thing we have quieter implements, the cane, “two-tails”.  We have done it before and it works so much better.  Once the kids are asleep we turn on the TV in the bedroom, lock the door, and I bury my head in a pillow and he does what he does.  And lets face it, we have practiced immediate consequences in the past quite successfully.

So having discussed it again, he has decided to try immediate consequences again, he said the spankings would just be quieter, I’m sure that will work just fine, by quieter I think he means less harsh, which means we can go for longer.  It will probably work out better. 

I will still use my book for things he doesn’t punish me for or “forgets about” or even may be for confessions.  (It’s always easier to write a confession than confess face to face).  But because of his memory and his uncertainness as to what he can spank for (despite me telling him anything he feels deserves one), if I have done something wrong, then I will ask him if I am to get into trouble for it.  And then I will accept (or learn to accept) whatever decision he makes from there.  At least then we both know where we stand instead of me wondering and waiting.    I think asking him if I am in trouble will get him into the habit of, if not spanking me for it, then at least thinking about it.  It might make him decide on what kind of things are spankable, attitudes as well as actions (if you know what I mean).

So as I am sitting here, most uncomfortably, writing this, I’m feeling happy content and respectful, and hopeful.  So far so good, watch this space ...