Forgetting that spanking is allowed

Friday 20th January 2012

We have talked, sporadically, this week about Sir spanking me, or to be more precise the lack of it.  Tuesday I had a bad day and broke a number of rules he has set for me.  As I have talked about in here, this was very unintentional on my part, but it happened.  He let me get away with it.  I know that is his decision, and I have to learn to accept it, but it doesn’t feel right, because a couple of weeks ago he would have spanked me for it.   So like I said we have talked bits and pieces about it and it turns out he forgets he can spank me.  I don’t understand that at all.  How can he forget that he is allowed to? I have given him permission and even requested that he spank me?  Are there any other HOH's out there that do this? 

But then on the other hand he does step up and assert his authority …

For example, Wednesday was my scheduled day for step aerobics.  I didn’t do it.  He took away my chess came….and told me I had to do it that night when I got home from grocery shopping (as I have already told you).  Anyway, I needn’t have worried about whether he would “step up” and make me do it that evening instead.  He did.  I got home from work and grocery shopping (I stuck to the budget btw clever old me) and yup I had to do it.  He was not budging.  He was rock solid.  So I did it.  Even, without too much complaining (do you see my halo – half shiny at least).  When I was done he gave me a simple thumbs up but I was beaming and my heart soared.  What a feeling!!

Fast forward to this morning!  I was out of bed and getting ready for work.  I didn’t have any cash in my purse and he had the cash card in his wallet.  His wallet was there on the bench just screaming out to me, come get it Kiwi.  It’s here.  I did.  I got the card and put it in my purse.  However my downfall is I forget that he is extremely observant where he puts his things.  He immediately knew I had been in his wallet as it had moved.  (Ah ha! now I know) he questioned me about it and then that was that.  Once again I was let off, but without being told I was being let off – if that makes sense.

I was puzzled.  Anyway I tried to talk a bit more about the lack of spanking this last week, despite numerous infractions.  Turns out like I said he forgets he can spank me.  He also mentioned that he offered to last night (which is true he did).  Maybe I want too much, or ask for too much but I don’t want him offering.  I want him telling.  I need it to be his decision.  If he decides I am to get a spanking then that is the end of it, Ill get one.  I tried to explain this to him.  I said to him this morning that I need him to not let me talk my away out of one, because I can easily do that and I don’t want him letting me do that.

Anyway, something must have stuck because no sooner had we talked, he took me by the arm and led me to the bedroom, and he then proceeded to paddle and cane me before work this morning – because I took the cash card out of his wallet without his permission earlier this morning.  It wasn’t too long or overly hard, but enough to sting and bring a tear to my eye.  Lesson learnt.  I apologised and said I realise that I should have asked first.    

Last night, I left a message in my accountability book. A message to my Sir asking what happened to my immediate consequences and that I would really like them back please.  He will read it.  He said he would be reading it very shortly as he paddled me this morning, meaning that I will be finding myself in the very same position in the next day or two being held accountable for this last week.

I think over the weekend we will have another talk about my need to have immediate consequences for stuff I do wrong, whatever he decides I will accept, but I need to know, if that makes sense. I need to know that what I have done is wrong and he is not happy but if he is to spank me for it then spank me, if not there and then later that same day if possible, but if he decides not to spank me for it, tell me off at least and then tell me I’m not being spanked “this time”, so at least I know.  Does this make any sense?  I hope so. 

I am also going to talk to him about maintenance.  I think it’s really time we tried it properly.  Maybe every weekend, whether I deserve a spanking or not, I think I need him to make me bend across his knee and submit to one, to remind me of our roles in this marriage, that he is in charge, and I am to submit to him, his decisions and that I have rules to follow and I need to stick to them and behave myself.  A reminder to me to be submissive a reminder to him to be dominant and that it is OK to spank me.