Feelings of submission

Wednesday 25th January 2012

At first I was feeling contented. 

Maintenance, yes what a good thing it’s going to be. 

I was feeling positive, I was going to behave and do everything Sir asks of me, watch my attitude and just be a good and submissive wife.  Punishments were going to be a thing of the past.

Ha!

Then I was feeling disappointed, in myself.  I failed yesterday.  I frittered away some money when I was given the bank card after being warned about it (oh why oh why can’t I curtail my spending habits).  Sir was cross with me.  So I put my plan (mentioned in my last post) into action and asked if I was in trouble. 

Then I was feeling nervous because his answer was yes, I was in trouble.  I asked him by trouble what did he mean.  His answer was plain and simple.  A spanking was coming my way as soon as we got home.

Then boy oh boy I made matters worse, I got smart about my cell phone rule.  Dumb; dumber dumbest thing I could do.  The spanking just turned into a caning urrggggh.

Then I got cold feet because he told me to go to the bedroom for my caning and I asked if I could finish watching my program.  He said yes (nice man)

Then I got silently angry because we then went to bed and he forgot.

Then I got defensive and stubborn and swore to myself I wouldn’t mention it.

Then I became rebellious and thought to myself I can do anything I want obviously.  This DD stuff, “blah blah blah”, it means nothing.  I can do, say, spend or not do, not say and not spend however, whenever wherever I want to. 

Laying in bed in the middle of the night with these thoughts does not a submissive wife make.

I woke up in a bad mood, silent, distant and unsettled.

He finally asked was I OK and I said no not really I was mad at him. 

Why he asked.

Well I said, I really wish you would actually do what you say you are going to do. 

He was puzzled for a minute and then finally realised what I meant.


I went to explain that his forgetting and not doing what he says he is going to do really does nothing for my emotional needs.  Because lets face it, even though I’m a spanko and like spanking, this discipline punishment thing is an emotional need, not sexual, not physical, just plain emotional need.  And I have given up a long time ago trying to figure out why I need it, I just do, it’s just me (hmm nice speech at 7.30 in the morning

He was apologetic.  He quite simply forgot and was tired.  He said from now on, if he says he is going to spank me, he will, he always intends to but to make sure from now on it's my responsibility  to ensure he doesn’t forget.  I don’t have to ask him or mention anything to him, just simply leave an implement out on the bed.  Then when we head to bed he will remember he has a job to do.

At first I was annoyed at this and was thinking to myself, why bother.  It’s his responsibility to step up, follow through.  If he cant even be bothered to remember then we just wont bother.

But then I started thinking about submission.  What is the biggest act of submission I can offer?  I can be respectful, I can be obedient, but what is the humblest and most submissive act you can think of?

Yup, you got it ....

Submit to the punishment and get the implement and hand it to him – or at the very least leave it out ready for him.  I don't have to say a word, just leave it there, large as life on the bed, waiting silent and foreboding on the bed (at least this way I get to choose the implement hehehehe - shh I don't think he has thought of that (a fluffy furry paddle wont go down too well me thinks)

So needless to say my punishment will be administered tonight when I get home for:

1.   Over spending yesterday and frittering away dollars on useless stuff we don’t need.

2.   For getting smart over my cell phone rule

But I have to remember its grocery shopping tonight – oh and also Wednesday is my scheduled exercise day – I didn’t get out of bed this morning to do it so he tried to add that to my list for punishment tonight but as I said to him Wednesday isn’t over.  My rule for exercise isn’t specific as to time just so long as its done at some point on a Wednesday.  So, yup, after shopping tonight, its exercise time, then shower, then dinner, then spanking (or caning if I'm really submissive and honest and get the cane out and leave it ready for him) then bed for this once more very submissive little wife.