Night Shift

YESTERDAY

Sir is starting night shift.

This is good.  But it’s also bad.

I'm worried about it. 

What is going to happen to our DD?

Will we have time to continue it?  Who is going to be there to help me stay focused and stay submissive.  How can I be submissive when he is not there?

I will be, once more, an independent woman.    Doesn't she look just like me?

I will be thrust into the leadership of our household in the hours he is not there.  The hours he will be home, will be spent sleeping.  So it's going to be me, in charge, the boss, making decisions for the kids, dealing with everything on my own while he is away working or upstairs sleeping. 

Oh there is something else to worry about! Sir is my referee with Little Miss.  We can have such cross words at times Little Miss and I.  He is so good at controlling the situation and hauling up both of us when we need it.  She to her room, and me, well that’s easy, across his knee.

I know what the right thing to do is but I am not sure I will be able to do it.  I know the right choices to make (but the wrong choices are always more fun) (yes I know temporarily).  I am going to have to be very honest about everything I do.  Confess to anything I know is wrong, write everything down in my book.  It can be hard to confess when you know that there is a spanking coming.

But I know me.   I am going to do a "Braveheart" and shout the words F RE E D O M.

I am going to revel in being in charge.  It's going to take me over and I will take full advantage and how on earth will I manage to give up that control when Sir is home and among the living (so to speak). 

Its hard enough as it is for me to be submissive, despite wanting to be.  Wanting to be and being able to be are two different things and takes a lot of hard work and guidance and support from Sir.

What about consequences, what about maintenance?  When will we find the time for that?  I know there will be consequences for my actions but immediate consequences work best for me I have found. 

DD is not a game to me.  It’s not foreplay to good sex.  It's very real to me.  It's not something I can put on hold while he works these shifts.  But I know I will very easily slip back into my old ways, take charge, make decisions, argue and do all the things I know he doesn't allow.  Things like letting the cats sleep on the bed with me, not drinking my yucky horrible milk every day, no exercise (hehehehe) leaving wet towels on the bed.  But not just the rules, it will be my attitude that changes.  Ill have that "you can't touch me" attitude.  I

I know when we decided to put maintenance on a fortnightly basis I went to pieces and it didn't work, I need weekly (as you will be able to see from my last couple of posts, a week of good behaviour, maintenance missed for a week and then bang, I'm out of control and heading into a very bad weekend and following week).  So I really need that regular weekly maintenance.  I probably need it daily to be honest.  Shh I didn't say that out loud.

I will have to try and keep my feet on the ground and remember I'm not really in charge, that Sir is still the boss, even though he is not here.  I am going to have to stop and think about my actions and decisions in his absence.  I have rules to follow, I know what they are, whether Sir is with me or not. 

This is going to be hard and I am not looking forward to it because I know I'm going to get carried away with it.    I am going to have to work very hard, and think about every decision, think about my actions, the consequences and is the end result the result that I want.

LAST NIGHT

Sir put up a big stop sign

I approached the subject of him not being around and me being in charge last night with quite an excited demeanour.  He very quickly abruptly brought me to a screeching halt and told me where I stand.

Basically, there is no way I am in charge, and not to think about it for one minute, that if Little Miss and I don't behave then we will be "dropped kicked, the pair of us" - charming huh - but I know what he means.  And that I have to remember he may not be here in body but certainly in spirit and mind and soul and the rules still apply and he will be asking and reading and watching and listening!!!!!

Whoa.  

                                      Exactly what I needed him to say to me, but ...(watch this space)