Submission. Sometimes it’s the best thing in the world, it’s the easiest path in the world to follow, it gives me contentment and confidence. It makes me feel loved and cared for and protected.
But sometimes, submission is a big pain the butt (pardon the pun).
But sometimes, submission is a big pain the butt (pardon the pun).
Submission sometimes makes me grit my teeth so hard that I think my face is going to crack.
Submission sometimes has the rockiest road to follow and unfortunately not the nice pleasant rocky road we like.
I wish I could feel the good submission all of the time. My world would be perfect.
Submission is sometimes really, really confusing. I don’t know which way is up or down.
Like yesterday, for example.
Sir had rung me a couple of times yesterday and then proceeded to hang up on me because he was annoyed at my "attitude". He then PROCLAIMED that from now on, each time he feels he has to hang up because of my attitude, it results in a count of 5. That means 5 strikes with whatever comes to his hand - and more often than not that means the cane. He is very fond of the cane again lately.
(He followed through and I got 10 strokes of the cane. It hurt, I cried, I was sore, I was sorry and that's all I have to say about that!)
When he pronounced this new rule, the 5 strokes for each time he hangs up the phone on me, I admit I was a little angry, more than a little confused and bewildered.
I had no idea what I had done wrong.
He explained before, During and AFTER.
I didn’t give the kids enough pocket money - or at least I didn’t give them the amount he said to give them. I gave them slightly less. So basically I disobeyed him.
I had a bad attitude when I texted him and said “don’t expect an immediate response when next you text demanding I ring you”.
And I was argumentative. He hates me being argumentative.
*Sigh*. I suppose from that point of view, my attitude is a little "off".
*Sigh*. I suppose from that point of view, my attitude is a little "off".
It’s strange isn’t it, when in “that position” memory comes flooding back and I realize that perhaps Sir is right after all and that perhaps my attitude did need adjusting.
But still my argument still stands.
But still my argument still stands.
Submission is not an easy road to travel. One day is never the same as the next one. But really, with submission, the only way is up. When I get high handed and my attitude is a little off, and he puts me in that position, gets my submission back in place, then the only way is up.
But I still say, why can’t keeping attitude and emotions in check and following rules be simple? The world would simply be a less painful place.
Being submissive is so tricky for sure. You want it so much but then you also really don't want it at other times. Well, if it were simple, none of us would feel the need to blog, so it does have that going for it ;)
ReplyDeleteVery True Riley, thank goodness for the blogs and blogland and all you lovely bloggy people :)
DeleteSorry about your bad day Kiwi. Submission is definitely not an easy road to travel and we all have our moments with it. I definitely have days when I just don't feel at all submissive.
ReplyDeleteIf only it was simple eh! - but as Riley said, if it was, we wouldn't feel the need to blog :)
It is strange how the memories come back while in that position and how being in that position brings the submission back isn't it? Lol
Yes, there is something about that position that puts things into perspective isnt there.
DeleteI thought the road would be much easier when we started, little did I know how hard it would be, attitide is a recurring spanking offense around here BUT I think I would have a problem with him hanging up on me that I would not so easily get over. You seemed to handle that part really well.
ReplyDeleteYeah, thats it exactly, we have this "image" in our minds when we first start out on this road but reality is so different from "fantasy". The hanging up - well told me first he was going to hang up the phone - he didnt just hang up mid conversation...sorry if i was misleading there. Still, Ive behaved pretty well since. LOL
DeleteHoney, you may want to read my latest post.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Try to work off your frustrations at the gym or something.
*hugs*
Hi Ana, yeah, good idea :) ive been reading your posts, seems like you are reading my mind at the moment LOL....great work btw
Deletehugs kiwi xxx
It'd be wonderful if things were simple. Hope things get a bit easier for you. The communication never ends in TTWD.
ReplyDeleteCommunication is the number one rule isnt it? Its hopeless without it. Its my feelings that dont seem to be simple. I dont understand how I wanted this so much, have been lucky enough to get it and now I fight it......everything from submitting to his decisions, feeling that submission to submitting to a punishment....its just SO HARD at times. Just another bump in the road that no doubt everyone has gone through or will go through. Its a journey thats worth travelling though in the long run
Deletehugs kiwi xxx
"But I still say, why can’t keeping attitude and emotions in check and following rules be simple? "
ReplyDeleteUmmmmm - 'cause we have hormones? I,for some reason, don't struggle very much with my submission (okay, except to that pesky idea that I am beautiful and worthy and that stuff - there I am close to hopeless - why can't I submit to that? sighs - that's a question for another day)- but at that time of the month, I am a weepy, pouty mess. Daddy steps up maintenance around that time and it truly helps. (sorry, might not be what you want to hear, lol - but it does help...me anyway).
You're right communication is the number one and most important rule. I tell Ward everything, the one that I struggle with is when I think that the thing I feel is unfounded, or has no place between he and I, or is less than I wish to be and I can work it out alone. But that is doing him the disservice of not letting him in to help me with those things, not giving him the tools to do his job. That doesn't make it any easier, but it gives me more impetus to share those thoughts.