I want you to take control of me, of us. I want you to be the head of the house, make the rules for us, for me. I want you to discipline me when I break those rules.
I want you to spank me.
I want you to spank me.
I want you to spank me right now, no wait, how about tomorrow instead, maybe later tonight, or tomorrow, not tonight, can we wait until the weekend, or when the kids are not here.
I want you to lecture me first.
I want you to lecture me first.
I want you to set me this rule that rule, but not that.
I want you to spank me every Sunday and call our just because day
How about you make me stand in the corner afterwards.
I want you to spank me every Sunday and call our just because day
How about you make me stand in the corner afterwards.
Tell me off more. Say this to me.
Hmmmm If i do this, he will spank me
Hmmmm if i have a bad attitude today he might spank me
Ow it hurts, don't do it like that, do it like this.
Start off slow and build up
I want more over the knee than over the side of the bed.
That's the wrong way,
NO not like that like this.
But I don't want to do that. I want to do this.
I don't like that rule.
Why cant I argue (in a petulant voice)
I cant keep still, it hurts (in a whiny voice)
Looking back this is how I have been since I first suggested DD to my husband.
It doesn't look (or sound) good does it.
Finally, thankfully I have seen that although I have asked him to take control, I have actually not let go of the reigns to allow him to do what I have asked of him.
He has been brilliant. He has really taken to the idea of being the head of the house. He even sets some rules of his own accord. The more time goes on the better he is getting at it. He loves it. He loves being in charge, being protective of me. Recently Ive started a bad habit, if he asks something of me I'm getting into the habit of asking if D is asking me or is Sir telling me - so that I am clear.
But thinking about this, there shouldn't be a distinction. It should mean the same thing to me. What he says, goes.
Looking back this is how I have been since I first suggested DD to my husband.
It doesn't look (or sound) good does it.
Finally, thankfully I have seen that although I have asked him to take control, I have actually not let go of the reigns to allow him to do what I have asked of him.
He has been brilliant. He has really taken to the idea of being the head of the house. He even sets some rules of his own accord. The more time goes on the better he is getting at it. He loves it. He loves being in charge, being protective of me. Recently Ive started a bad habit, if he asks something of me I'm getting into the habit of asking if D is asking me or is Sir telling me - so that I am clear.
But thinking about this, there shouldn't be a distinction. It should mean the same thing to me. What he says, goes.
I have asked him to take control but I have not given up control.
It easy to say I'm going to give up the control. To actually do it, its the hardest thing in the world.
But giving up the control is what I am trying very hard to do. Just little things. Staying in position, doing what I KNOW makes him happy, following our rules.
But its also a scary thing. Giving up control means that I don't mention the fact that he forgot maintenance last night. Giving up control means that I don't remind him or ask him about it. We have been doing this now long enough for him to "remember" about it. Giving up control means that I don't get upset about it or mad about it or hurt about it. Giving up control means that I accept it with grace and move on and wait. Like the good submissive wife that I'm trying to be.
I really have to admire you kiwi, you've taken the first step in actually giving up the control by recognizing that you hadn't really done so. It isn't easy but I'm sure you will hand it all over to him. Good luck in your journey.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Cat
Hi Cat, thanks :) its really so much harder than I thought it was going to be, but Im trying. Still there is a fine line between giving up control and still being "heard"
DeleteAmen, Sister! Where is the line between expressing your feelings of frustration when he doesn't meet your needs and telling him what to do? I wish I knew. I just accept the situation and simmer in silence. Grrrrr!
ReplyDeleteHey BB - DD does not mean giving up your voice, there is nothing wrong with expressing your thoughts, opinions, or needs respectfully (words and tone). The more you two communicate, the more you both will grow into your roles. Sometimes, we forget that this is a learning process for him as well as for you and he needs to know what is/isn't working. Simmering in silence is not good for either one of you.
DeleteBlessings,
Cat
But what do you do if you have respectfully expressed your needs, he acknowledges it,then does nothing? I am afraid of pitching a fit, so simmer in silence instead, waiting for him to catch up.
DeleteHi BB - yes its a fine line, but you shouldnt simmer in silence, you should speak up, respectfully of course. I do. He listens and then decides.
DeleteLike Cat wrote, recognizing these things is a step in the right direction. It sure can be hard but I hope it gets a little easier for you both as time goes on.
ReplyDeleteHi Lea, it is yes. I hope it does get easier, but Im beginning to think im just a stubborn girl who neesd to learn the hard way :( lol
DeleteHow I wish I could give up the control more easily then I have so far. The whole beginning of the post sounds like me and how we started off. I can totally relate! I wanted to be controlled, and spanked, but then I fought it, and or tried to control how or when it would happen... I really need to just let it happen His way.
ReplyDeleteHi Emi, i think we all struggle to give up that control, its a matter of learning to have faith and trust in each other you know. Its not easy. But then nothing worth doing or having is ever easy is it. Keep up the hard work and good luck :)
DeleteOne of those lessons we learn over and over again huh Kiwi? It's a huge realization though. Good for you!
ReplyDeleteHi Susie, lol yes, its one i learn painfully over and over again
DeleteHi Kiwi,
ReplyDeleteI started to write a comment, but it grew out of hand.
So I made it into a blogpost of my own.
hi Bas, OK Ill head over to your place and have a read :) thank you
DeleteONe thing, when i go on yoru site, how do i "follow" you.....can you let me know what your URL is so I can try add it that way please :) ta
DeleteWell there is this button on my site that says: "Join this site". That should work.
DeleteThen you get updates on your Blogger reading list and you are officially a follower. However that does not put my site on the bloglist of your site.
When you would want to honour me to want to add me to your bloglist you indeed need the URL.
The url is
http://newlifeindd.blogspot.com/
Good for you! This has been a long time in the making, hasn't it? :)
ReplyDeletehi Ana, oh yes it has dont you know it LOL
Delete:) nice to meet you. i got here from Bas's blog (what's the proper place for an apostrophe anyway??)
ReplyDeletei haven't had maintenance in forever (before tonight). i was feeling needy. i told him. cos BIKSS expects me to communicate my needs and desires, but whether he rectifies the situation right away, is his call. I still have a responsibility to politely and respectfully bring something amiss to light, but the challenge is trusting him to deal with it when he deals with it.
finally got my spanking tonight, but i had to wait QUITE a while before it happened.
*hugs*
it's very liberating when you finally accept to give him full control. I'm loving it!
Hi and welcome :) thanks for the comments. I think our HOH always expect us to fully communicate our needs to them after all they are not mind readers, but who would have thought how hard that could be ...good luck
DeleteI think you are speaking to the choir at my house. It's hard for us to not show our guys exactly how we want them to do it. In some ways I think they want feedback, but not so much. I printed off some stuff from Clint's blog, Learning Domestic Discipline, yesterday. When I handed it too him, he said "Wow, that's a lot". I told him I printed it in big print to make it easier to read, and it was just some other options about other types of punishments, etc. We talked a little while about it, and went to sleep. I wonder if he thinks "Will she ever stop giving me stuff to read". I wonder that myself..LOL. Thank you for the insights, and God Bless You and Yours, Belle L.
ReplyDeletehi Belle, thanks for the comments. i think this is something we all struggle with giving up the control...easier said than done...but a work in progress :)
DeleteHmmm...i think i'll take my views in private.....
ReplyDeletethought you might ;) xx
DeleteHi Kiwi,
ReplyDeleteGood on you for recongnising this. It isn't easy to give up control, but recognising the situation is a big step in the right direction.
thanks :) yes it is, easier said than done mind you....but hopefully im getting there, a few fits and starts and sometimes i think i must be the most stubborn girl in the world but hey makes his life interesting doesnt it LOL
DeleteI love your honesty Kiwi! i have had that exact conversation in my mind 100 times.
ReplyDeleteHi taken, thank you. I feel sorry for my HOH when I read this post....well i did...he seems to have gotten the hang of things these days LOL...despite what i say or do LOL
Delete