Thursday, 15 August 2013

Speed Wobbles

I always thought of myself as a fairly strong person.

I have been through some tough times.  Two marriages; two divorces; one pretty miserable relationship; one miscarriage and one ectopic pregnancy.

I have moved from one side of the world to the other (with two small children and being 3 1/2 months pregnant to boot).

I coped.
I managed.
Possibly, even thrived.

I started a new relationship 3 years ago and with fear and trepidation but with determination I confessed my need for discipline to my new partner.

I survived all of that too.

But now I have family staying with me.
I have been told to move out of the house I am currently renting.
So, I am moving again; but a major big move to another part of the Country.
Leaving a job I enjoyed for 10 years. Moving away from family and friends from the North to the South.

And I feel like I am sinking fast. 
I handed in my notice after 10 years service.  That was the hardest thing in the world to do.
I am trying to pack up and clean up where we are at now.
I am trying to work out finances and I can see nothing but a black hole ahead of me.
Sir doesn’t seem to be bothered and is taking his sweet merry time in packing up and tidying up outside where we are at the moment.
We are fighting Little Miss's mother who after first consenting to Little Miss going is now fighting it.  The most frustrating thing about this is that it's not even about Little Miss, its about making things as difficult for Sir as possible.  And try as I might to give Thorn the benefit of the doubt, it just doesn’t wash.  It's just malicious nastiness on her part. 

I hit a BIG speed wobble this week.  The ground is very shaky under my feet, I am not feeling strong. 

I have been absolutely rotten to Sir.  My attitude is…well…let's just say the bitch in me has come out in full force.
There is very little DD in place at the moment as we have our visitors still staying with us and they don’t like Sir and Sir doesn’t like them - so I am piggy in the middle.

I feel so out of hand.
I feel like its make or break for us as a couple.
Sir appears to not care less about the move.

I need wobble control.

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19 comments:

  1. Callie15 August 2013 at 22:53

    Hugs Kiwi,

    I hope that ov the weekend you get a chance tot talk to Sir about what's going on and come up with some solutions and action pans.

    Love,
    Callie

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    1. kiwigirliegirl18 August 2013 at 18:22

      Hi Callie, thanks :) yeah things are settling down a bit, I am starting to feel a bit better :) and Sir is picking up the slack a little more :)

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  2. bob 16 August 2013 at 02:53

    Yes you need to talk to Sir when ever the right time is so the two of you can fix it so that you are once again on solid ground. You have a lot going on moving, gave up your job, pregnant and outside sores making sir miserable so it is time to talk to him.

    Bob

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    1. kiwigirliegirl18 August 2013 at 18:23

      hi Bob, thanks. Sorry I think you misunderstood me, Im not actually pregnant right now - I was a while ago though during another big move from one side of teh world to the other. But no not right now. We have talked a bit more and things are a little easier :)

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  3. Roz16 August 2013 at 04:05

    (((HUgs))) Kiwi, I'm not surprised you feel wobbly, you have so much to deal with getting ready for the move. I meant to email you today but, as you know, the s*** hit the fan here again today.

    I agree, you two need to sit down and talk and come up with so solutions. I will email you shortly. I'm here whenever you need an ear.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. kiwigirliegirl18 August 2013 at 18:24

      Hiya Roz. Yeah a bit of a speed wobble that was for sure. Things are better. Sir is picking up a bit, he certainly got his HOH hat on last night (ouch) i just gotta keep calm and carry on. It will be OK.
      I was thinking about you on Friday :( hope all is ok and you managed to get home ok. Glad Rick was with you.

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  4. Aimless Rambling16 August 2013 at 08:30

    You are so brave. You are giving up everything and he is acting like an a** and not helping you. Sorry for being harsh but it's the way I see it.
    I think you need to get some reassurance from him and kudos for being willing to go along with these changes.

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    1. kiwigirliegirl18 August 2013 at 18:25

      Thanks SG. Thing have picked up a bit. It was more his seemingly lack of worry and stress that was irking me more than anything. :) things are looking up - or maybe its just that there is now no turning back.

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  5. Kenzie16 August 2013 at 13:19

    Like sg said, you are very brave! You two certainly need to sit down and talk. You need to get your needs met, and he has to help ya out.

    Im sorry this is all going on right now, and I hope it gets better soon!

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    1. kiwigirliegirl18 August 2013 at 18:26

      Thanks Kenzie. We did talk and its getting better - just me getting bent out of shape. Just needed a little reassurance :)

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  6. tori16 August 2013 at 15:34

    hugs.

    You are brave, you got through all of that and you will get through this!

    Sit down and talk as 'equals' to come to some sort of resolution, hopefully all this will pass and it will all settle down..you got a lot going on at the moment.

    x

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    1. kiwigirliegirl18 August 2013 at 18:27

      HI tori, thanks :) you are right, we will get through this. It will work out, its getting a little better, i seem to have calmed down a bit. :) thankfully.

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  7. Es May16 August 2013 at 17:51

    Oh Kiwi that is a lot to be going on. {{{HUGS}}} Is there any way that you and Sir can get everyone out for a night so that you can have a "date night" or get away? It sounds like you guys really need a reconnecting time. I hope you're able to get through this move either way, and come out stronger as a couple on the other end.

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    1. kiwigirliegirl18 August 2013 at 18:28

      Es May, thanks hon :) Im not sure what we need but its worth a try. I said to him its either going to make us or break us...he reckons it will make us :) so thats good. Ever the pessimist I said it would break us LOL.
      Things are a littel better, slowly coming together. :)

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  8. Stormy17 August 2013 at 11:40

    Ugh! Once again I have to ask where your needs are being met in all of this? Is he coming up alongside and being loyal and supportive? Does he recognize your need for back up and understanding when it comes to Thorn? There's too much going on here for him to fade into the background and leave it all to you! And he MUST create an emotional climate so that your energy canbe spent on external things, rather than draining you in an internal battle. Does that make sense??

    WHY must you move? Leave a job you love? Don't be a martyr and then hate him and yourself later. What are YOUR needs? And can you live with the choices you are making, without long lasting bitterness and resentment? Things to think about.

    To me you sound bitter and sad and drained..and it's all just starting. You are a lovely person, not a *itch who hates herself for how she is acting and treating your husband,

    And why do you have people living there who don't like him?? It's HIS house, safe harbor, sanctuary too. That would NEVER happen here. The ogre's kingdom would not invite unfriendly invaders. :) And he wouldn't do that to me either.

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    1. kiwigirliegirl18 August 2013 at 18:32

      Hi Stormy. No my needs are not being met at the moment but he is trying. He doesnt show stress the same as me, its there but he doesnt let it worry him whereas I do. Dont get me wrong, I do want to move. But I could just as happily stay as well. So we are doing what he really wants to do - and at the end of the day with the move I get to stay at home with the kids - which is amazing.
      I dont mean to sound bitter, but I am perhaps a little drained. I have to remember that Sir deals with things differenty to me and he leaves things to the last minute and that its a mad dash for him to sort whatever he needs to sort out whereas me I do little bits each day. Its coming together slowly.
      And as for the people staying with us - its my parents. So I dont have a choice and neither do they and nor does Sir. We have to just grin and bear it.
      2 weeks to go :)

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  9. Lea18 August 2013 at 10:20

    He may well be stressed too but just shows it differently. Job changes, moving, those are difficult things and don't tend to put one in a good mood. Keep trucking on, Kiwi. I hope it gets a bit easier.

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  10. kiwigirliegirl18 August 2013 at 18:34

    Hi Lea, yeah you hit the nail on the head, someone else pointed that out to me as well last week. He shows his stress in a completey different way to me - his is very internal whereas mine - well the worlds knows about it.
    Also I think last week was particularly hard for me because I handed in my notice - which made it real and final.
    But I keep thinking about where we are moving to, the fact that I will be home with the kids, it will be OK :)

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  11. Dee29 August 2013 at 02:16

    I'm not surprised you're stressed! You need more emotional support. I hope you're getting that now kiwi. Don't take this the wrong way, I'm certainly no expert, but a healthy dd relationship doesn't just involve one person, or only punishments or following rules with no questions asked. I sometimes wonder if you are that desperate for the spanking relationship that you have so yearned for, that you often 'overlook' how important it is for you to have that emotional well being to go with it? I'm not sure 'Sir' understand that part so well.
    Anyhow, I genuinely hope things have settled a bit more for you both now. ((Hugs))

    Dee x

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