Sunday, 17 February 2013

Taking it easy...but Im still taking it

 
 
There was no trip to the shed last night.  Mainly because I wasn't very well.  I was relieved.  But I would have gone anyway, but I wasn't looking forward to it, not like I usually do.
 
But saying that, spanking did happen.  I got my behind whipped with the belt and with the horse crop - two implements that I can take more easily than anything else.  And he rubbed in between, he placed his hand on my back and held me...just that touching helped immensely.  He took his time, he was gentler than normal...and in doing all of that, I was able to last longer. 
 
I wrote my last post feeling very raw and emotional.   A year ago I could take a harsh punishment.  As much as sir wanted to give me.  Nowadays it seems I've turned into a wimp...for whatever reason.  I want to get back to where I was with Sir, being able to take whatever he wanted to dish out.  This wimpiness frustrates Him and me.
 
I think he is quite right not to let me have a safe word because I think I would misuse it.  He knows me well.  He prefers to read me and stop when he feels I have had enough.  Usually, by the time the tears come and I'm saying please no more, he does stop - not immediately - but after a few more strokes he stops.  I think that's his way of controlling it, in his mind He gets to say when its over with, not me.  After all its a punishment.  Not play.  And for the most part i do agree with him.  A secret part of me afterwards likes the fact that he doesn't stop as soon as I ask him.  I mean, what kind of Dom would that make him....not one for me.  BUT  we have to find a balance.
 
We talked a bit over the weekend.  I tried to explain to him that I WANT to get back to where we were.  I WANT to be able to take what he wants to give me.  But I need his help to get me there, I need the touching in between strokes, I need the hand placed on my back, I need his words of encouragement.  I think he got it.  I hope he got it.  I think he got it.
 
I got another spanking a couple of hours ago.  He took me up to the shed, bent me over and got out his wooden paddle and began over my trousers, then he took them down and paddled some more.  He took it easy.  It hurt.  Yes.  But I took it.  He also let me have the control to say when it was over.  Not so sure that is such a good thing, but for now, for today, I liked it.  But I don't want that control all the time. 
 
So for now, Sir is taking it easier, but I'm still taking it.
 
 
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11 comments:

  1. Dee18 February 2013 at 03:40

    I feel I've turned wimpy too kiwi. I can't handle things the same although I do wonder if its more because they've perfected their 'art'!!
    Glad he's going easier on you, it's obviously what you need right now.

    Dee x

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    1. kiwigirliegirl19 February 2013 at 01:33

      it could be any amount of reasons dee that we are suddenly wimps....hope we get over it soon though xx

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  2. Es May18 February 2013 at 06:16

    I agree with Dee, over time, they get better at the spankings, and maybe his intensity has gone up, or maybe your skin is more tender now. Hope you'll find the balance that works for you both. :)

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    1. kiwigirliegirl19 February 2013 at 01:34

      who knows Es May....and i forget i broke my arm last April which took about 9 months to heal...so that may be something to do with it too.

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  3. dancingbarez18 February 2013 at 13:45

    It seems to come in waves but one cannot tell what causes the levels to change. At times it definitely has to do with anger and how submissive the mindset is but not always.

    Either way it is so great that you talked. It will go a long way in you getting back to where you both want you to be. Hang in there, it will happen with some time an effort.

    Hugs
    db

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  4. Roz19 February 2013 at 02:06

    Hi Kiwi, I'm going backwards here, I commented on your most recent post first.

    I hope you are feeling better now. I'm so glad you two talked and that he has slowed things down a bit and is doing things to help you through, like the hand on the back and just letting you know he is there.

    There are so many things that come into play as far as our tolerance to pain goes and it can fluctuate quite a bit. Perhaps too, as has be said above, your Sir has perfecting his craft some LoL

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. kiwigirliegirl20 February 2013 at 00:09

      Hey Roz, thats ok. Anyway you comment is great. Yeah there is no explaining tolerance ...wish there was then maybe Sir wouldnt get so frustrated and mad at me...which in turn would maybe make me trust him a wee bit more during a session....i dont know..its a vicious circle. I hope he continues to keep it slow for now....eventually we will get back to where we were...doesnt help that for what probably 6 months we didnt do any spanking whatsoever with my broken arm!

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  5. Lea19 February 2013 at 23:08

    My tolerance is all over the place from day to day. It is frustrating when I feel I'm wussing out and can't handle what I feel I have at other times. There are a lot of factors that effect it though from if it's close to the time of the month, my mood, getting a warmup or not getting one, which implements, etc. I hope you both find your balance.

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    1. kiwigirliegirl20 February 2013 at 00:11

      thanks Lea....yeah i agree with you ...it is the time of the month - its been late for nearly 2 weeks so maybe that was it...the other thing that Melinda Sweetgirl mentioned which i forgot about was my broken arm...of course for what 6 months we didnt practice any spanking whatsoever...so yeah, im a little out of practice....so give it time..hopefully we will get back to where we were.

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  6. Reid P6 May 2022 at 22:05

    Greaat post thanks

    ReplyDelete

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