Anticipating a spanking..

It's the hardest thing in the world I think, to wait for a punishment. The time could be used to my advantage to "prepare" myself, to try to find that submissive mindset so that when the time comes, I can go willingly to show my respect and my acknowledgement of what I have done wrong and to show how sorry I am and perhaps to change my behaviour between the time of committing the office to the time of the punishment to show Sir that I do want to change and am trying to change and how very sorry I am for the misbehaviour in the first place. In an ideal world right? LOL. I wish I could. But no. What do I do? I get myself into more trouble. Tuesday I fought with Little Miss. It's a big no-no rule for me. Yes, I can issue rules for her. I can insist she follow them, but I am not allowed to lose my cool with her. She knows which buttons to press and oh boy did she press them on Tuesday night. I told Sir about it and he declared I would be punished for it on Sunday, in the shed.   Wednesday was a holiday here for us. I planned for a nice day, to put the night before behind me until I HAD to face it on Sunday - Sunday is a long way off. Ha!! NO such luck. I woke up in a bad mood, and I ended up being a complete bitch, to Sir and to Little Miss (though with her it was provoked as usual but again I lost my cool). I was awful. My attitude was disrespectful, disobedient, cheeky to the point of sticking out my tongue to Sir when he was telling me off over something. I give him credit, he gave me chance after chance to pull myself together. Did I take it? No! What did I do? I mimicked him when he was lecturing me and then poked out my tongue! Not a wise move! I think I may have a death wish. Unfortunately for Sir (but fortunately for me) I managed to escape an immediate trip to the shed last night before bedtime. He developed a headache and so its been put off until Sunday. I hate this. I hate waiting for punishments. For something serious like this at any rate. Missing a glass of milk...well, hardly the end of the world despite being a direct rule break..he will punish for that but not quite as severely. But for such a bad horrible attitude - well. I'm for the high jump and the anticipation of it is killing me. He lectured me last night about it after I had apologised for being such a bitchy cow yesterday. He warned me to be prepared for Sunday because he will be strict.                 He requested yesterday that I place an order with our favourite implement supplier. He wants a Delrin Rug Beater. I had a look...all I will say is  "g u l p" (anyone used one before?) I have those butterflies of anticipation already in the pit of my stomach - but not the nice ones. I know I deserve what is coming. I know that. I pray to the Goddess of Submission to give me the grace to accept my punishment well and to stay in position....because even though I know it, accepting it with grace and humility is not the easiest thing in the world is it? Wish me luck. I'll let you know how I get on.